ACCEPTING CHANGES AND LOSSES

This 'doctor' hasn't held sessions for awhile as she was experiencing some changes in her own life. I just turned 69 and prior to that big date, which I celebrated with many of you readers, I was not celebrating too much. I hadn't been feeling too well. I have always been a very energetic person who was always able to be 'up and running' so to speak. Well...I ran out of steam.

It began with a simple cold, then a sinus infection, then some disappointments which led to a rather serious bout with depression, then a discovery that I could no longer do anything with my right arm since I have not only torn the rotator cuff, but all tendon and cartilege appears to have disappeared and I believe I have now pinched a nerve...I have simply been in PAIN. And pain really drains one of all energy. So a rather significant surgery is scheduled for January 6th. The recovery will take a few months I hear, but I've been assured that my fingers will still be able to punch these keys---so I hope to continue to blog through it all.

I tell you all this not to 'kvetch' (complain in Yiddush), but to relate how I'm 'getting through' in hopes that it helps any of you who have begun to notice and to deal with things that simply take away that wonderful sense of 'well being'.

First off, a friend of mine who is a 'potter' began telling me what great therapy that is, especially when one lives alone, as she and I both do. The next day I installed an easel, paints, canvases, etc. into my apartment. I had always thought about painting, and it turns out that it was the perfect thing to do. It really is a peaceful activity. Sort of like golf. For a few hours all you do is concentrate on the picture developing in front of you (or in the case of golf--the ball). Everything else going on that may be troubling disappears. And when something appears on the canvas that pleases you to look at---you feel terrific! I cannot stress enough how much these activities can help the stressed mind (and body).

Secondly, as we age we find out more and more, actually about everything, but certainly about ourselves. We become more sensitive to the things that can almost incapacitate us. Of course we do everything known medically to help ourselves. Sometimes it's medication, but always it is taking care of our bodies. Making sure that we spend part of our day wherever we are, walking. I have my darling little doggies, so that's a given. And as I've written before, on the walk really 'stop to smell the roses'. Also, do some work on your body either in your homes or in a gym...no matter how lame it is...do something. Even in a wheel chair there is so much to do with one's body. And really look at your nutrition. That salt and sugar really do a number on me. I feel bloating and fatigue right away. When carbs are removed and protein is emphasized my energy level really soars. Can't beat those salads with some chicken, salmon, or whatever. And...I have a Mimi Scott energy boost. At three o'clock when I feel my energy waning, I take two Hoodia, and one acai berry capsule with Acai berry juice. For me it works absolutely amazingly.

Thirdly, spend some time in meditation or in a spiritual connection. Do it in any space that makes you feel peaceful and quiet. And think a lot about the AA mantra "let go and let God'.
Just calling upon the universe for some help can really remove your burden...at least for a time.

Finally...get your 'house in order'. I've spoken of this before. I was absolutely overwhelmed when I returned from my recent trip to New York. It seemed like my closet, my desk, my accounting work were totally out of control. So arm or not, I went to work. To the point that I felt good enough and relaxed enough to go to a movie (Blind Side---was great and the kid playing the son who is probably no more than 10 years old, should absolutely be up for Best Supporting Actor), and to get back to my blog.

As always I hope I've been helpful. But the main point I wanted to make was to accept with creativity (and with some 'help' which I've decided to embrace since it provides you with the energy to flourish once again) all those lousy things that begin to bog us down. Maybe do some face painting on the wrinkles! Be well...talk to you next week.

Dr. Mimi Scott
www.mimi@drmimiscott.com

SHARPENING OUR ANTENNAE

I applaud my readers who are working hard for all the multitudinous charities and causes out there since there probably has never been a time when people needed help more. And all of us give in various ways, monetarily and otherwise. However I have become passionate about doing something to change all that I see taking place right in the neighborhood, so to speak.

A devout listener of the news, it blows my mind about the crime that is continually reported. Recently three kids down here aged 13-15 set another kid on fire by pouring alcohol all over him and lighting a match to it. The victim is in the hospital having suffered burns over 85 percent of his body.

Then we have the head of a very well known law firm here in Ft. Lauderdale who appears to have scammed investors to the tune of a billion dollars. This news all peppered with stories of the Ft. Hood tragedy. Prior to all this every week there was a story of a father who killed his family and then himself. WHAT IS GOING ON?

Influenced as I am by all the Law and Order programs and shows like it that I watch, I realize the importance of being a keen observer of what is going on at all times. I tend to walk around lost in thought, oblivious to what's going on around me....always have. Others walk around texting and seeing nothing else around them. Well for me that is going to change. Especially when it comes to youngsters. Watch them. Notice if they are out of control. Notice if they are too quiet or too angry....they may be future assasins. Watch and listen to what the kids talk about...you may hear an immunity to criminal acts. I don't play them, but every year I purchased video games as holiday gifts with names like monster and war. No more.

Try and make sense of the guys and gals who are actually covered with tattoos and piercings. What are they trying to tell us? I suppose it's the same thing that the older gals are trying to tell us when they cannot get enough botox into their faces. Why are so many people desperately trying to find a way to feel better about themselves? In the same vein, don't ignore the young teenaged girls who send photos of themselves in a state of undress over the internet? Speaking of which...with so much texting and tweeting going on, emphasize to your kids how important it is to watch what they reveal on the internet...same goes for you!

We have to become aware of how those around us behave. There are many people around us who have lost jobs, money, homes, etc. Watch out for how they are acting. We have to watch out for symptoms of future criminal behavior. We even have to watch out for a psychiatrist like the officer in Ft. Hood who talks 'terrorism'. We have to observe fellow workers, neighbors, schoolmates, people in the military, friends, and yes, our own children. And if we see something criminally disturbing, start with the police, hopefully they will follow up on what you tell them. So many criminals are finally apprehended because of a vigilant bystander. We must be that too. In fact if you are concerned about anything you are seeing or hearing begin by just talking to a friend. Share----it is really important.

It's holiday time and we all try to make it joyous, although for many it is anything but. Nevertheless, it is a time when some of the worst crimes are committed. So watch and listen. Indeed sharpen your antennae. I'm not sure I can be of help, but I am here in case there is something you are seeing or heariing that is truly troubling.

Just something to think about as we go from day to day in troubled times. Hope you enjoyed the session.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449

BEING 'DOWN'

Scholars of 'Depression' present therapists with two points of view. There are those that say 'you must fight it'. Others say to allow it. I have always believed in the latter. I have assessed what patients have told me and let them know that I understand how they must feel and that I can understand the depression. I also have suggested taking time out and just sitting with their depression. Usually after a few days, the patient gets bored with his/her depression and goes out and becomes ready to be himself or herself once again. That is one reason the Jewish tradition of 'sitting shiva' is praised by the profession. It forces mourners to take 'time out' and focus on their grief. Otherwise, scholars say, going right back to work keeps the grief nagging at you and you never really get to deal with it.

At any rate, I was recently quite down. First thing I learned was to keep from diagnosing oneself before you receive a formal diagnosis. Having had cancer one can be 'paranoid'. So when I felt something once again I was sure the 'fat globule' that it turned out to be was cancer. I was also sure that the nodule on my thyroid that doctors had seen was another thing to worry about. It wasn't...there were cysts on the thryroid which are quite common. So there was no need to go though the 'down' time. In actuality, other factors played into it, but it was mostly health worries.

One thing I did was to not force myself to go out with people and have to smile and chatter. I simply was not up to doing it and wound up even 'breaking dates'. Surprisingly everyone understood.

Second thing I did was to keep busy in a solo fashion. I got the paints and the canvases etc., and began to paint. It has to be the most relaxing thing I've ever done! Some may think my work equals that of a fourth grader, but I haven't been disappointed because I'm enjoying it so much.

I have another friend who promised himself when he retired he would play the flute---he's absolutely loving it...so who knows? Maybe that's next. And as you all know I love to write.
My memoir is over 425 pages already and I'm far from complete. I also started to rehearse the one woman show I've been doing, and that always makes me feel good. And you can't go wrong with reading. To complete a book of true value helps tremendously, but even a mindless suspense novel can comfort. Of course having to walk a pet will always at least 'get you out' (as it did me with my four little pals) and perhaps even enjoy nature.

So after some tests were taken and I got the results I truly felt like I had gotten a new lease on life! Now I'm 'manic' again and happy too!

Just thought I'd share with you what worked so that the next time you're 'down' you can be better informed as to what to do.

Hope you enjoyed the session...

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449

WHERE ARE THE WATCHFUL EYES??

I'll get right to it. This week I watched clips on TV of a 15 year old boy down here who was burned almost to death by five other boys aged 13-15. They poured alcohol on him and then lit him up. The 911 call that somebody made with the boy in the background screaming, when aired was almost too much to listen to.

A friend told me of her grandson's suicide attempt with pills that he had acquired at college so that he could sleep. The 'parties' at the universities aren't just at fraternities---they take place all night every night. I mean the drinking, the smoking of pot and who knows what else, is always there to accompany the loud voices and music. There is little respect for those who just might want to study, or God forbid, go to sleep. It's not uncommon to see the vomit, a result of the drinking, found all around the dorm. On my oldest granddaughter's first night at college a girl was brought out on a stretcher---a victim of date rape. Of course there are always the traditions of running nude here and there around statues or fountains. And if for some strange reason someone doesn't want to participate, they may as well get used to being an outcast with no social life, and down the line, take pills for the depression that the pain of that situation has brought on. To say it's a real dilemma is an understatement.

And of course, we had the balloon drama in Colorado where millions were spent trying to rescue the boy whom they thought was in the balloon over Denver, only to later realize it was a hoax!
I'll bet those parents will somehow be made accountable. But they are not the only ones we should hold accountable.

On my agenda this year is to write a play about domestic violence, or violence in general. As a result I did a lot of interviews this past summer in upstate NY on people I knew who had been caught up in this world as well as the guards at the local jails. There was one theme throughout every single crime and I'm sure you have guessed it...DRUGS. And drugs can be responsible for Wall street crimes as well as those in impoverished neighborhoods. Is anyone keeping an eye on anything???

Where were the parents of these young psychopaths? The victim's family had no health care so there are all sorts of fundraisers being held for this boy's care. How can you not want to donate? However, why aren't the parents of these young murderes responsible for these bills. It's probably impossible, but making parents financially accountable is perhaps one way to reduce these crimes.

Where are the famous RA's in the dorms? Where are parents, teachers, family members at every level who are keeping a watchful eye on those in trouble. It's my business as a therapist to examine what's going on with people. However it must become everyone's 'business' to develop a 'watchfulness' over your siblings, your co-workers, your fellow students, your neighbors, the executives in your life, and yes your own parents.

There are no more boundaries Is it a surprise that every area of our life and our government is 'out of control'? Can we not think about how to get things under control and begin with out own little family? Keep closer contact and know when you see signs that one of the kids, or your brother/sister, or your father or mother is not acting as he or she normally does. Be in close contact with the school (even the college) officials who are relating to your kids every day. Know who their friends are, and know whatever you can about the families of these friends.

People 'clam up' when they are hiding or ashamed about something. If any of your loved ones appears this way, try and get to the bottom of it whatever way you can. Always do whatever you can to KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN! Before you decide upon an estrangement (which takes a major toll no matter what---usually on your physical self), exhaust every way you can think to 'reach' this person who means so much. Somehow conveying 'love' usually is the key to unlocking emotions. At any rate before you completely separate yourself, try to leave a door open and at least a sense of amicability.

Oh, and by the way, it's not always easy to express feelings by texting or email. Try that obsolete method of phone calling (best for reception when not on a cell), or better yet, schedule a time to sit face to face with someone...not just 'on the run', but a real eye to eye. Let's try and find those 'watchful eyes' and I don't just mean on a Bernie Madoff, but on our own family members. I'll bet the Madoff boys wish they had done so.

Hope you not only enjoyed this session, but were perhaps a little 'fired up' by it.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449

I'M STILL HERE!!

My title today refers to two things: your response to my poll and my health as a breast cancer survivor.

I was overwhelmed by your beautiful emails to me. I am so very pleased that so many are taking the time to read this blog and that so many of you feel it is enlightening and has enhanced your lives. So you have my very deep appreciation and as a result I am pleased to say "yes, I am indeed still here!"

This being breast cancer month I also felt I should address the fact that I am very much still here three years later. Breast cancer did change me, but it did not kill me, and this is why I believe it did not. This is for all of you gals out there whether you've gone through it or not.

When I got my pre-diagnosis in August of 2006 after I went for a mammogram on Broadway and 57th street in New York City, I remember using the prase "it doesn't faze me' to my kids when I called to tell them. In fact I had walked home enjoying the beautiful New York day, gotten my puppies, and trotted them off to Niko's, my steady lunch spot on Broadway and 76th
street.

What had happened during the mammogram was the following:

First off I could see the picture being viewed from where I was standing at the machine and I immediately saw an area lit up. Next the technicians left the room and when they returned they asked me to step into another examining room. First one of the technicians came back and did an ultra sound, then after she disappeared for a minute, a doctor came in and said how surpised he was at how much the spot he had seen in March had grown. (Had we decided to, we could have made a case of this in itself). I then told him that I supposed he was about to do a biopsy which indeed he said he was.

Now here's the really kooky part.
I was a devote of Guiding Light and had just gone through the whole breast cancer thing with 'Reva' who had of course pulled through after being close to death. I therefore had the biopsy doctor laughing as I told him exactly what I figured would happen to me. When he asked how in the world I knew so much, I told him about Reva's course of treatment on Guiding Light. The actual biopsy taken was painless. He simply shot into my breast like a quick stab and that was that. I then got dressed and left. They said I'd have the results as soon as they came back from the lab.

That week I had dinner with my friend Paula who had had a bout that had turned out to be nothing, but who liked the doctor from NYU Med very much. She gave me her name. I figured I would most likely need a breast cancer doctor sometime soon, so the next day I called to get an appointment there and they said that the doctor could do nothing unless she had the pathology in her hands. Up to this point I only looked at the whole thing as though I had something inside my breast that simply had to be removed and that would be the end of the story. I never never looked at it as though that something would cause my death.

Well I won't bother you with the details of how much it took to discover the lab at which my pathology was, and how only making friends on the phone with a secretary was my means of going over to this lab at Beth Israel hospital and picking it up and hand delivering it to NYU
Med.

Long story short, this first doctor messed up big time...I got a staph infection from the operating room where I had a lumpectomy and she left what they call the 'margins' unclean. Between the doctor and the infection I knew that the only place to go for treatment was Memorial Sloan Kettering. I truly had avoided this hospital as it was where my late husband Barry was treated. But if one has a cancer diagnosis it is the very best place in this country to go as far as I am concerned.

I had a second operation there in November and during the course of my stay they sent me for tests and scans if I had as much as a hang nail, and I had a lot to be looked at---lungs, spine and more. And every department that looks at you reports on the computer immediately so that every doctor involved with your treatment is aware and sees immediatly what's happening with you. Your Medical Oncologist is the 'captain' of your case and there is no need for you to have to do anything. You are truly 'in their hands'. I had several women going through it at the same time I was and we made friends. Some of them were on the same radiation schedule as I...a true sisterhood was formed there.

My point in telling you all this is that taken one step at a time, even with ridiculous complications, it is not a big deal. Yes the residual about it all is that you are left with less strength and energy than you were before the cancer...it took me over two years to get it back. Indeed I had help (especially since I had four dogs to care for) all throughout the process provided by my long term care insurance. But as I said early on: "I'm still here!" At no time did I ever allow myself to think this was a death sentence. I looked at it as though I had this 'to do' at this time and then I'd move on to the next thing I had 'to do'. I was always 'positive'.

If you or an acquaintance get this kind of diagnosis...just say "Oh Shit" now I have to deal with this, so I'll just have to put off my writing or teaching or whatever till sometime later. But know that 'you will get back to it' and crazy as it seems, find a way to enjoy the process. The gab fests we had waiting for the radiation were terrific. So you see there is something fun to be found in everything. The only loss I really had is that Guiding Light went off the air a few weeks ago.

May the Good Lord bless everyone going through this disease and hope that He will guide them through it in the same way as He did me.

Hope you enjoyed the session.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449

A POLLING

TRYING TO GET A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF WHO IS GETTING AND READING MY BLOG AND WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO COVER...

PLEASE RESPOND TO ME BY EMAIL----Mscott13@aol.com WITH THE FOLLOWING ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS BELOW:

1--YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS
2---DO YOU RECEIVE MY BLOG THROUGH YOUR EMAIL OR SOME OTHER WAY?
3---IS IT AN ANNOYANCE?
4---DO YOU READ IT?
5---HAS IT BEEN ENLIGHTENING FOR YOU?
6---WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE TAKEN OFF MY LIST?
7---ONE SUBJECT OR MORE YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO ADDRESS

Really appreciate your taking the time to do this...whatever you answer will not affect my relationship with you---so just be honest. Thanks...Dr. Mimi Scott 917-846-2449

THE DOCTOR'S ORDERS..

This past week was a week from hell! The cold I developed the week before this one morphed into a sinus infection that produced a headache such as I had never experienced. What made the week a horror for me however was all that I had to deal with while in this state.

I'm in the midst of trying to solidify a loan modification on my lakehouse which if made permanent will allow me to keep it. They periodically have no information for me on the status of this loan, or they need, on an immediate basis, my whole financial life's records. That was what came up this week.

I had to meet an October 15th tax extension for 2008 with a brand new accountant here in Florida and get every bit of paperwork to his office within a day of getting the appointment.

I am still desperately seeking to re-obtain my domain name of 'drmimiscott' for my website that you may recall was stolen. It is impossible to describe the difficulty in attempting to get a voice on the phone to help with this. When I finally did, they too, asked for all sorts of financial records for review for their legal department. Each day of the week I was faxing 12-20 pages of information someplace.

Nevertheless, with a continually throbbing head, I was able to take every assignment to it's current conclusion----why??? Because my homes have always been 'in order' when it comes to record keeping. Since I was a kid, my desk had to be in order for me to proceed with any kind of paper work. Running theatres well before computers, I kept manilla folders on everything and always made a copy of everything I put into effect. My life has always been dominated by lists.

Ironically I find that unless a room is 'in order' I cannot begin any other kind of work. I know many brilliant and accomplished people who work amidst a cluttered atmosphere, but it is my theory that for most people in order to achieve, to any significant extent, the clutter must be removed from one's atmosphere and thus from one's head in order to accomplish.

When I was younger my schoolwork had a plan, and later my theatre experience and my practice were highly organized...but the headaches brought about this week were, before his death, the responsibility of my late husband Barry Scott. On my own since his death, and while my son is without question my mentor and advisor, it is still up to me to 'keep my records in order'. Therefore this week, at a moment's notice, I was able to place my hands on social security, pension, medicare, AARP Rx information, as well as on all checking account statistics, investment records and on and on and on, in order to fax out the relevant papers immediately.

My point...if I was any less 'in order' I would have been totally unable to deal with any of this, especially while sick and still caring for (also on an extremely well planned schedule) my four pups.

So this week I am ' prescribing' for each and every one of you reading this---the development of an orderly life. It not only helps out on a momentary basis, but it also provides a lifetime of satisfaction and accomplishment. And.... it is never too late to redirect these efforts.

Hope my spouting about what has worked for me personally, is not offensive, but truly something that many of you will be open to considering.

Once again I hope you enjoyed this session.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449

WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO DO?

As promissed two week ago, my review of my new show FROM BROADWAY TO HOLLYWOOD
My Life in Song, should be rated A+....not by any legitimate source but by my own soul. Performed last Thursday, right before the start of Rosh Hashannah, at the most well known Jewish Community Center in South Florida, the faces on this senior audience as they sang along almost every number with me, gave me a wonderful sense of "right time, right place, right thing to be doing"...therefore the A+.

I watched Oprah this week doing her 'retro' of Michael Jackson, and I was really touched by a question she asked him. It went something like: When did you figure out what you were 'supposed to do, because most of us are still struggling with that? It made me wonder how many of us do take the time to ask ourselves 'what are we supposed to do?'. Or in other words:
'What is our mission in this life...what are we here to do/give/accomplish? I stood there last Thursday knowing that this is 'what I am supposed to do'. If one has the capacity to make any person or group of persons, especially those with losses (such as seniors who are not 'movin like they used to') simply feel happier, even if it is for a moment, then one is 'doing what he or she is supposed to be doing'!

I remember learning once at a Torah study that even the homeless man or woman in the doorway is doing what he or she is 'supposed to be doing' because they are here to remind us how fortunate we are, and in turn they sit there to stir up inside us a certain generosity.

I have a new friend who helped me prepare and execute my little show, who is very clear about what he is here to do in this life. A trained scientist/engineer he was on the team that designed the ultra sound, the MRI and the PET scan. He continues to figure out new ways to save people through technology. He's obviously doing 'what he's supposed to do' and it's not being my sound/prop man. Yet by helping me he was still giving to people in need. A special thank you on all levels from all of us to Abe.

How many of you out there are really clear on what you're here to do? If you're on my reading list you have my respect for whatever it is you do, because allowing special people into our framework of friends is also something 'we are supposed to do'. As I've written earlier when someone in our life's framework is toxic to our energy and in turn keeps us from that which we are 'supposed to do'--it is time to clean house and get rid of the poisons in it. Sometimes simply taking them out of our house is a good solution and may allow us to relate to them but at a healthier distance.

At this time of the Fall when school begins again and the Jewish High Holy Days call for a reflection of ourselves, it may be the right time for all of us, no matter what denomination, to 'take stock' and think about what we are 'supposed to do' with the wonderful mind, body, skills, talents and soul that brought us here.

Love to you all and hoping you enjoyed this session.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449

BEING VIOLATED!

I'm hoping that none of you readers have ever been raped...nor have I physically, but something that happened to me this week certainly felt that way.

Last Sunday night someone happened to ask me for my website address (www.drmimiscott.com). I gave it to him and he immediately punched it in and told me it wasn't there. I thought he was completely mistaken and went to my computer to find he was right! All it said was inmerge.my (a default site). I was of course beside myself, but told myself I would call the outfit---Pumkinfish--in the morning and get it resolved. I did so first thing in the morning and found that the number for the contact person, Chris Wilson, was disconnected. I then emailed him and the email was immediately returned. Next I went to the Pumkinfish website and found that they had the same message and 'default site' as was on my website. Later I found that they had left the office in the building in which it was housed in Ft. Lauderdale. Still later I found that a home address inhabited by some sister in law, claimed those involved had been gone since May to nowhere she knew. Obviously---somebody(s) had to 'get outta town fast"!!

My week of course was spent with people who knew about websites trying to help me recover what I could. You have probably figured out by now, that this Ph.D had not had the smarts to make sure she had a copy when she spent a small fortune having this website designed and maintained, and I must say (and all of you who had viewed it certainly said) it was a fabulous website. But it was more than that---it was truly my history and could be seen as a legacy. Indeed one of my granddaughters who just started BU, as mentioned last week, gathered some new friends in her room and wanted to show them the site...how upset she was that it wasn't there! I cannot express how terrible I felt when she called in amazement.

To me it was as though I had been violated. As though someone had broken into my home and stolen my most precious possession.!! By week's end we have hopes to recover the domain name, but the vendor claims that these people, Pumkinfish, defaulted in June and two weeks later all their files were deleted! However I viewed it in early August, as did someone who found employment for me as a result, and I cannot understand how a file deleted in June was still there in August! Any help with this would be appreciated.

My point in blogging about all this is two fold. If you put your heart and soul into any project anywhere make absolutely certain you have copied and backed up every part of it. Also be very very careful about whom you choose to deal with. And if you are buying a long term service (such as insurance) continually check to see that they are alive and well. These fellows seemed like lovely young men and they had been recommended to me very highly. I have been advised to go after them, but before I pay for a PI to find them and try to sue, I have to evaluate if it is worth spending the money in order to retrieve nothing. All I really want is my beautiful website.

Of course I'll be working on this recovery for a while, and I am beginning to look at the materials I have in order to rebuild another site. But for now all I am actually doing is trying to move on from this disaster and prepare myself for something much greater.

Next week I have my first booking at a major JCC here in South Florida of FROM BROADWAY TO HOLLYWOOD...My life in Song. This is an act I have prepared with the intention of bringing joy to older people (of which we have a surplus here), but which is turning into something that may bring pleasure to all ages while bringing some financial gain to me. I won't be writing again until after this first gig, as next week I'll be up north for the memorial of my son in law's father. So 'hang in there' and I'll give you my review in two weeks. Meantime enjoy the summer's end and the newness of the Fall.

Thanks for reading.

Dr. Mimi Scott
8917 846-2449

SAY IT NOW!!

The past few days have been quite sobering for me. Watching the funeral proceedings of Ted Kennedy as well as reviewing an obituary being written on my daugter's father in law, Zoltan, known as 'Zip', Zantay.

Senator Kennnedy was obviously so much more than the younger brother who drank, played and suffered the consequence at Chappaquidic. He was that kind of rarity who was truly able to turn his life around and who, in the end, did more for his country's well being than anyone else in his family, or in our country's history it appears. Public figures such as Ted Kennedy are often celebrated along the way as they reach milestones such as a 75th birthday. But how many of us remember to celebrate one another as we travel along life's path. When we prepare obituaries and plan memorials we often realize the impact that the person being immortalized had on us. Such is the case of my daughter's father in law.

Zip Zantay was not just the father of Doug Zantay, my daughter's husband, but a real force in the life of my whole family. Zip and his late wife Ethel ran Camp Deerwood in the Berkshires where, upon a great deal of research, I decided to send my son, Jeffrey at age 10. The following year my daughter Karen, who had been reluctant to go at age 12, decided, at age 13 that she would go as well. By 14 she had lost her heart to the Camp and to the Zantay family, especially Douglas.

It was easy to be charmed by the Zantays. Zip, a tall handsome fellow, was a musician who had played in many Broadway show pits and with several major bands of the era (indeed he met Ethel, a cigarette girl at the Copa Cabanna, while playing there). Zip also taught music throughout the boroughs of New York and Long Island. Indeed, Zip started Camp Deerwood so that his students would not put down their instruments in the summer. On the day of his death he actually enjoyed his daily playing of the clarinet. He was superb at the clarinet, the sax and the flute. His son Douglas is as well, and my granddaughter, Jazz Zantay, received a scholarship to Boston University (where she was delivered, along with her twin sister Koti, today), as a result of her outstanding ability on the flute, a talent that truly was inherited from her grandfather Zip.

I am at peace because in his last days I made a point of calling Zip and letting him know what an influence he had been on our family. He and Ethel had a home on the Lake---we bought a home on a lake. They had boats--we bought a boat. They had horses---we bought and rode horses...and so it went. And now, I do believe, that a grandchild of mine will become well known in the music world because of her grandpa Zip Zantay.

And why do I tell you all this? Because upon death we take time to focus on the achievements of the departed and the impact they had on us. But do we take time to sit back and realize that as we see one another travel through life? And if we do realize all this, do we take time to express it to each other....well before one is taking his or her last breath? If not, then try to rectify that.

Turn to your mates, your kids, your parents, and your friends and tell them how impressed you are with them in terms of what they are doing for themselves and how they are impacting you.
Look beyond all the gripes with mundane issues and "say it now'. We never know when it will be the last conversation with someone. We all know the benefits our kids receive from praise, well so do the 'grown ups'. Let's not wait 'til death do us part' to let those in our lives know what a treasure for us they have been. Do this repeatedly and we'll all live a lot longer, for one feels as joyous giving the praise as does the person receiving it.

Hope you enjoyed today's session.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449

MINDFULNESS

When it first opened I somehow found my way to the famous Miraval Spa outside
Tucson, Arizona. What I remember most about my wonderful week there, was the theme of 'mindfulness' that was talked about, lectured about, and discussed throughout my stay. Still I came back to New York and on to Florida, and while perhaps somewhat more sensitive to the world around me, I continued to miss the meaning of so many things that I saw and heard. Only with my patients was I truly listening, hearing and searching for meaning on many levels. As to myself, I was often not paying close attention and therefore not being as 'mindful'. This week it took a real 'jolt' to remind me of what it means to be 'mindful'.

Without going in to my reasons I was about to break a rule upon which I expounded when I first started writing this blog...seeing someone whom I had repeatedly found was not healthy for me in terms of a relationship. He had wanted me to see his new apartment and to have dinner with him this past Friday.

The omens began on Thursday. Somehow in thinking about my mother I heard a voice say "watch out!". Now that you're convinced I am totally whacko, let me explain about this level of 'mindfulness'. I believe everyone can become psychic if they take 'mindfulness' to its extreme. If one really looks to the heavens and concentrates on someone who has gone, or on something about which they wish for a resolution, my experience is that messages do indeed come. And if one pays full attention to these messages, they will be guided. The irony is that the answers I have always received are usually answers that are 'right in front of my nose' had I actually been looking. If they were missed it is because I wasn't being 'mindful' or 'paying attention' to that which I was seeing and hearing.

To continue regarding the omens (or messages) I was receiving, yet unwilling to truly 'see', I bumped into a woman Friday morning who does work as a psychic (in fact she has worked here with the police department in solving some murder cases). Once before she had done a tarot card reading for me and I was amazed as to how 'right on' she had been. So feeling the way I was regarding this situation, I asked her to read the cards for me, and sure enough the advice was the same I had chosen months ago---divorce yourself!

Later on that day for some odd reason I could not type on this computer. All the letters were coming out as a mixture of numbers and letters. I was truly 'freaked out'.

Finally, all my building staff whom I informed as to what I was about to do, pleaded with me not to do this, and one store owner /friend with whom I spend a lot of time (and money) said he would 'divorce' me if I saw this person! Still I called for my car at 5:30pm and was going to see him. I was one block south of the park on which my building stands, and about the 4th car in line for a red light. I had just stopped when all of a sudden BANG!!! I was thrust forward as something had crashed into the back of my car! I put my car in 'park' and got out. There lying on the ground was a young man of about 25 bleeding on top of his motor cycle. When he saw me he kept repeating how sorry he was and that it was his fault not mine.

The police were on the scene immediately as they had seen the whole thing. They moved us and our vehicles both into a lot and asked me if I was all right. My head was indeed spinning, but I felt it was due not only to the impact, but the stress of the whole ordeal. I was truly shaken, moreso than I had ever been in any kind of accident. The poor fellow however, had blood coming out of his nostrils, gashes on his face, and the bridge of his nose was totally blue. My car did not look like some I've seen where the back end is totally smashed, but I'm sure the damage will be a couple thousand dollars to fix at least (of course I'm insured). The fellow was not wearing a helmet; was not driving his own cycle, and of course had no insurance!

Late that night a computer expert/security guard informed me about the 'number lock' key which when inadvertently hit will totally screw up your computer's key board!

The moral for me and for everyone reading this is of course is to TRUST/LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS, VOICES, whatever. Be MINDFUL at all times. Don't be stubborn...and realize that there are many souls trying to protect you if you just have faith and concentrate. Otherwise they might have to literally 'hit you over the head' to convince you. I simply told my 'ex' that it just wasn't 'in the cards' for us!

Hope you enjoyed this session...and til next week WATCH OUT!

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449

HEALING YOUR PAIN

Today it's in my back! Yours may be in your stomach, your head, your chest, who knows? I used to think it was only the 'old' people whose conversations revolved around how they were feeling. Now I find it's as prevalent among younger people as well. For the elderly I believe whatever the pain is, it is a culmination of the stresses suffered throughout their lives. However stresses appear to be strong enough today that younger and younger people are suffering from them. Even elementary school kids are developing symptoms from stress. If you recently saw the program on TV about the kids with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) you know how scary it all is.

Whatever the pain your suffering is---unless you had an accident of some sort---it probably originated with something stressful that occured in your life. Here is my prescription: If it goes on for awhile do check it out with the doctor and go through the scans, MRI's whatever, in order to make sure it is not something serious. If all that is complete and the results are ok, here is what I think may help.

First take a 'time out'. That is not just something for little kids to do in order to get themselves calmer and more centered. It is a helpful thing for all of us to do. 'Time out' can take place right at your desk, or in a chair, or on the floor, or even while sitting on a subway, bus or train. If you're out of city traffic and on the road for awhile, driving can be wonderful for reflection (see earlier blogs).

'Time out' can start with a neck roll all around for about four times each way. (It is amazing how many patients I have found with neck pain from tension). Then begin a concentration on breathing with your eyes closed (this I do not recommend while driving). Just stay with that for a minute or two. Just feeling yourself breath---in and out, in and out...Now imagine yourself where you feel absolutely wonderful. It may be on a beach sunning or listening to a fabulous concert. But keep it peaceful and stay with it for awhile. Let yourself just go with the flow. Now imagine your pain just drifting right out of your body and going upward for the universe to dispose of. In this lovely mood now ask whatever spirit you believe in to please hear you and enlighten you as to what you may do in order to make things less stressful for you, your family, or whomever you know whose pain is causing your own stress. It is amazing what light bulbs go off in your head! The answer I have found, is always something that was right in front of you.

In the same quiet mood, now see yourself on an elevator going down from the top floor to the first. As each floor is hit, see yourself as stronger and better. By the time you reach the bottom you will feel pain free, stress free, happier, and ready to embrace the world. When you get used to doing this a few times a day, it can become a five minute vacation from everything around you. Try it and let me know if you are feeling better. You can comment right at the bottom here, or email me at mscott13@aol.com. Gee my back pain is gone! Hope this session is as helpful for you as it just was for me.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449

SENIOR ONLINE DATING

I found that after I ended my relationship last Spring, it was as though someone called the internet and told them I was single. Every online dating service appeared on my emails---JDate, Match.com, Cupid.com and on and on it went. I wasn't however in any way ready to start 'dating' again, especially since I was staying at our lake home in upstate New York for only two months, so I didn't think it made sense to start while I was there. But then I saw SeniorPeopleMeet.com, and I thought well maybe that would make sense.

So I uploaded a picture my friend Paula had taken of me while I spent three days in New York City before traveling the last leg of my trip to upstate New York. Not quite a professional headshot, but a really good shot nevertheless. Well I guess the viewers thought so as well as I began getting a lot of 'hits'. Indeed one fella wanted to fly up just so he could ride back to Florida with me as I was driving back alone. His picture was great and he did seem like a nice guy, but too much too soon would not be the best way to begin going back on the dating scene. He told me however that as soon as I would return, he would drive the 1 and 1/2 hour trip from Naples, on the west coast to see me. There was even an email waiting for me when I arrived back here wanting to know where I was. I emailed him and called him to let him know I was indeed back...did you hear from him???? I never did.

All this brought back to mind earlier dating when guys tell you constantly that 'they'll call you' and maybe after your funeral they may send condolences.
Nevertheless, I continued to check out fellas both in this senior network and on a site called PlentyofFish.com (which is free) from 55-65 and within 25 miles from me here in Hollywood, Florida. So of course I got several 39 year olds and 42 year olds as well as legitimate seniors who were living in Wisconsin, Illinois, Maine, etc. So much for trying to set your own limits.

At any rate, back in sunny Florida where the youth are tanned and beautiful and the seniors who haven't destroyed themselves with cosmetic surgery, look pretty damned good too, I decided to really try and find a nice fella who will maybe make it into relationship status. The only thing about this is, I'm here to see clients, get a musical I wrote up in the condos, do a character role on an upcoming internet/ TV show, run a couple groups and religiously write this blog! No way can I spend the day on the computer answering all the 'hits'. To date online means to make whatever work you do secondary. Yet it can be fun, and also very funny.

First the picture is all important. If one doesn't choose to have one up---fuhgetaboutit! And usually when they do it's a deal breaker. The thing I find most amazing is why a senior guy (or gal I suppose) would post a picture at age 64 which you know was taken at age 44. I mean--what are they thinking? The combovers by the way are a definite 'no no'. One guy whose picture I recently looked at had a really good looking face, however he chose to sit with his arms wrapped around the back of a chair and there were no clothes on to hide the flab that was hanging out all over. I mean c'mon...

Nevertheless I've had two outings. One with a lovely guy with whom I had absolutely no chemistry, but who told me the best jokes I've heard in quite some time--and he told them very well. The next one I will be seeing again. In fact we had such a comfortable time---he was a New York guy who had been into theatre and who ran groups. Ya think maybe we have something in common?? At any rate the lettuce from the salad I was eating got caught in my upper back teeth. Now normally I would try to survive without having to remove it, but on this occasion I couldn't take another bite of the delicious salad since I had no room for anymore in my mouth! So I just told him what was going on and got it out! The best part however, was describing to each other what we do for our daily workouts. I told him I did the stairmaster, the treadmill and the bike and then I lifted weights. He said he did the same machines and then we started to show each other across the table with our arms going in all directions, which weight pulls we use. When I stopped laughing I knew that this is what I was going to blog about this week.

Who knows? And ya know what---we're seniors--so why would we wait to cuddle...I mean either of us may be gone by the next date...so let's live it up while he can and while I have the strenth!

I hope you enjoyed this session as much as I did detailing it. Tune in next week for some sane topic of discussion.

Dr. Mimi Scott
954 926-0133
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com

TRANSITIONING

As we head toward the Fall and all that that season brings, most people find themselves in some kind of transition. It is not just the kids returning to school. or the college students beginning or continuing their program of study, but all of us renewing ourselves in some way when Fall arrives and brings, especially for Jewish people who celebrate the New Year, a sense of beginnings. I've been out of school for some time now, but my calendar is still spoken of in terms of semesters.

Whether you're letting go of an old apartment for a new one, or an old job for a new one, or an old teacher for a new one, or a relationship for something or someone else, or an old nest of family for a new venture---you're in transition. And while there can be a good deal of pain involved, it truly helps to see whatever it is you're transitioning to as a new opportunity.

I had a great deal of time to think about all this as I 'transitioned' from a lake home which I've had since 1982 in upstate New York, to my home of almost two years in Hollywood, Florida. My lake home was filled with children, grandchildren and all their friends who are now 'college kids'---while my Florida home is filled with me and my beloved 4 puppies. I had a lot of time to reflect on all this as I drove, leaving Saturday mornng from the lake, staying overnight in North Carolina, and arriving Sunday night at 9:30pm in Florida. While I'm at it, let me offer what I can about driving that length alone with 4 dogs in a small Toyota Scion.

First I was blessed with two beautiful days...until 50 miles above my destination when I ran into a huge downpour. Other than that it was smooth. My daughter had made sure that I had a really easy to understand Garmin, and it was truly a time saver! It saved me hours from traffic around Washington DC. I strongly suggest getting one of these not only for long distance trips, but for finding the most effiecient way to get any place. I only had one lengthy phone conversation which I don't advise. It can be just too distracting, and everytime I turn my head while driving I'm sorry I did---so I focus straight ahead!

We stopped only for gas, at which point the pups were given water (which I kept
in the big cooler I brought) along with their treats. I then used the Ladies room and we took a five minute walk around each station. After that it was back into the car where my cooler also contained snacks, food and drinks for myself. I removed whatever I needed for the next stretch, and kept it on the dash board so that I could reach it easily. I had the CD's in the pocket of the Driver's seat so that all I had to do was reach down and take one from the front of the pile as I changed them continually. My advice to anyone--plan your music ahead for the trip. Each show I played brought back memories. I sang every word along with Ethel as I played GYPSY, and all the music (none of it today's) was thought provoking for me. Doing all this made the time fly.

The memories of course were mainly of my life with my late husband Barry and our wonderful two children. I had moved to New York City alone after Barry's early death in 1991, and spent 16 extraordinary years there, but what I will always consider the essence of my life was the family part of it. Now it is time for my children and their children to collect all the memories, because as I travelled I realized that it was, maybe not the very last one, but yet another major transition in my life. I was leaving an old home, and returning to my new home. In many ways I was sad, but in just as many ways I became excited about the new opportunities that lay ahead for me.

My point is that transitions are felt, not just by the young and the empty nesters (now there's a really tough transition), but by seniors of all ages as well. My thought is to treasure the good memories. Dwell on them when you can---it's good for the soul, and eliminate the bad from your focus. Truly look forward to what you can do to make this latest transition the happiest and the most productive.

Hope you enjoyed the session.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
954 926-0133
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com

GETTING PAST DESPAIR

Has anyone out there experienced sitting in a room, an apartment or a house filled with people, and feeling totally alone? When it feels forced to put on the smile that is usually associated with your face? When to socialize is actually painful for you who are normally an outgoing person? Well, don't think you are alone with this experience, because you are not. (Do I not sound like one of those commercials for anti-depressents?) I believe that most people experience this...we just don't know it.

How can someone who has just discovered a close relative is terminal want to go out and 'act' happy? How can someone whose spouse has lost a job want to go out and party? My first suggestion is don't even try. Some in the profession vehemently disagree. I believe that you have the right to take time out and to let yourself be depressed. I also, depending upon the severity, believe that a professional should be seen and that medication may indeed be in order. When someone in the house is 'depressed' it can be a real downer for everyone else. The instinct is to tell them all the good things about their lives in the hope that they will 'see the light' and stop being 'depressed'. That is not always the right route to take. If one ignores the depression that they are feeling and does not take the time to 'be depressed', it may pull at them until one day the depression is much more severe for having waited to deal with it.

As a student I was told that the Jewish tradition of 'sitting shiva' following a death is actually a very healthy thing to do. It forces the family to take time away from going back to work, or attending that meeting, or keeping the golf date. They are simply 'sitting' with the purpose being to think about the loss and to allow others to say whatever will comfort, or even put a smile on their face. Most people however believe that it is important to keep going no matter what is or is not happening or no matter how you are feeling. Some professionals will tell you to simply 'fight your way through it'. I disagree. What I think people want to hear is that they have a right to feel the way they do and that they deserve the permission to take time out, but time out with a deadline.

How you get past the despair may be determined by what you do with your 'time out'. Prayer works wonders. Crying cleanses. Physical activity keeps the body going, and enjoying music, writing, reading or just watching a good sitcom may all get you going again. Focusing on starting something you have always loved to do such as writing a new song, may get you going as well. Ultimatly, the best way to deal with your despair may simply be to talk about it. One wonderful friend whom you can trust is often the absolute best therapy. If you don't have that one person...start cultivating that kind of confidante. In the end it's what beats all other approaches to getting past despair.

Next week's blog may be delayed as I will be 'on the road again' returning to Florida. So hang in there,,,and don't hang yourself! I'm always here for you.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com

TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN...

Hope everyone had a happy 4th of July. Where I am the 4th has always been an amazing experience. From the time we found a lake home here on Burden Lake in upstate New York when my kids were teenagers, there has always been a mob here on the 4th. This is mainly because we, as well as everyone around the lake, had great fireworks. As the kids got older the fireworks got more and more professional...one year a friend of my son who was a pyrotechnician took charge of the whole thing.
Now my kids are grown and their kids are either in college, entering college or will be in the next year or two. All my grandchildren and their friends and our neighbor's kids found their way here yesterday. Some have recently gotten engaged, others are falling in love, and others have little else on their minds then the boating, waterskiing, tubing, trampoline jumping, and computer games that were all taking place. The scene is a very different one now...including the fact that there are no more fireworks--too much trouble and money. I didn't see the little kids anymore, I saw young adults going out into the world. And I'm acutely aware of the choices they will have to make, especially at this moment in time.

In conjunction with my time spent here I have been trying to frame a new play with music about domestic violence. I have done several interviews in order to get a sense of cause, and this week I plan to visit the county jail. Actually a Guard there was here yesterday and we talked. One theme comes up througout every discussion of any kind...drugs, drugs, drugs, access to guns and more drugs. In addition I was amazed to find out how many inmates use the system to further their ability to get drugs. No home where their is a relationship to anyone dealing drugs can be without a gun for protection. And this scene is not limited to the 'inner city'. We're talking weed(marijuana),smack(heroine), crack(laced cocaine),ice(chrystal meth)and pills--of every sort. And always alcohol...no one does any of the above without alcohol use. It is not just welfare kids who are faced with this phenomenon...it is high school and college students, lawyers, doctors, entertainers----all of us. Everyone on medication at any age for anything also must make choices. "Do I drink and drive home?" "Can I have something with the medicine I'm already on?" With overuse of any of the above listed, and a gun nearby, peppered with anger from all our stress---BANG! Another tragedy.

This is what those beautiful young adults are being faced with. To 'use', to 'party', to 'drink' and on and on and on. Certainly more pervasively than when I went to school. It appears to be the most common way to socialize. The good news is that I was able to glean hope from these kids who are all completely aware of that which I've been outlining and who still give me a sense that they possess an inner strenth and value system that will hopefully see them through this all important life 'choice'. Lord knows they will have so many more 'choices' as our world gets more and more difficult to navigate. What one of my beauties had to say was that the main thing is 'to be who you are" I like to think she meant "to be strong enough to be who you are". If you have a value system that doesn't 'value' these things, and if you have certain goals set for yourself---you have to be able to say "no". After all, they told me, "no one is shoving it down your throat". In fact I learned that other kids who make the choice to do these things do not disrespect those who decline. They just kind of say "whatever...more for me". And one young 'inner city'
girl I interviewed last week who has two brothers in prison, told me "parties aren't everything--I saw what happened to my brothers and I'm concentrating on my step dancing, not goin to 'parties'!"

I have no definitive answer here today...just thoughts that I wanted to share because I believe our primary war should be fought on the terrorism of the drug culture that is killing us faster than any other kind of the terrorism.

Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449

REFLECTING ON 'ICONS' AND 'LEADERS'

How could I address anything else this week? The last week here at my lakehouse outside Albany, New York, all that was on the local news was talk of the 'circus' taking place at the Capitol building here over who should be considered head of the Senate and therefore able to take over the governorship if needed. Then of course, there was the explosion about the loss of two of our icons---Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson...not to dismiss the all time best 'second banana' Ed McMahon.

Since the word was used so continually I looked up some definitions of 'icon'. One equated it with 'idol' and the one I liked best was 'an enduring symbol' I actually have my own definition of 'leader' which I shall address below. But 'icon' really intrigues me. For me Farrah Fawcett was the picture of sweetness and sexuality, no matter how excellent she was in " The Burning Bed" or "Extremities". The image of her as an 'angel' with her hair blowing around her will always be her legacy, just as Marilyn Monroe with the white dress blowing up around her will always be the image I keep of her. Both are icons or 'enduring symbols' for me of female beauty and sexuality.

In terms of Michael Jackson, whose work coined the 'pop icon' phrase I would suggest, we also have an 'enduring symbol' not unlike Elvis Presley. Indeed the mourning here of my granddaughter reminds me of how I was at the time of Elvis Presley's death. We both felt that the music that had reached us and had such an impact on our lives had now gone on to eternity. For it was the body of work that is for us 'the enduring symbol' of musical entertainment. It is the songs and in the case of the latter, the videos as well, that we can listen to over and over again and enjoy and emote for the rest of our lives. Interestingly, no matter what the personal side of each was like, the lyrics of their music spoke of love and goodness.

So in case you've been caught up in the coverage of Michael's weirdness, perversion, drug use and financial cunning, just put on 'Thriller' and no matter how old you are, realize that you can appreciate the greatness of the music, lyrics and dancing of this truly iconic entertainer who will be considered in years to come, an 'enduring symbol' of the music world, just as Leonardo DaVinci is in the art world..and I know absolutely nothing about his personal life. I only know how I felt when I stood looking at the 'Mona Lisa' in Paris.

Regarding our 'leaders' on all levels, what impressed me the most this past week was an article written by Rudy Guiliani in the NY Times. In it he gives specifics about what he can see being done to reconstitute our state government. There are no platitudes in the article, but very ordered instructions as to how we can and should proceed to straighten out what is going on at the New York State Capitol as I write this. He, to me is a 'leader'. He speaks/writes with clarity and specifics. It shows me strengths in the midst of weakness. I really do not care about his personal life. I care about the fact that he very decisively was able to restore us during and after 911...this is his major achievement. These are the qualities I realize I must look for in voting for any 'leader' from Sheriff to President. I no longer am interested in who cheated on their wives the most, but on what they have done in their fields of endeavor to qualify them to 'lead' in any capacity. What have their 'achievements' been? Just to listen to the coverage of the Senators this week really makes me wonder about educational qualifications as well as IQ's. our leaders in the New York State Senate here sound like idiots!! Children sqabbling. I am no longer going to vote right down one side or another, but I am going to try to become very much more aware of the 'achievements' of candidates at every level of government.

I am not dismissing the fact that personal actions and behavior speak of character which is still an important consideration. But before we 'sit in judgement', let us remember the biblical reminder "he who is without sin, let him cast the first stone".

Thanks for reading and letting me speak my peace. I will look forward to your emails with your own various points of view. Maybe it will be fodder for next week's blog when I hope to have an interesting annoucement for you all (no I'm not pregnant!). Have a good week.

Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com

Scary Diagnosis

This past week I went to see an orthopedic doctor to look at my 'backside' as I had slid down wet stairs the Friday before. I never saw soooo much purple covering my body! A young doctor in the practice had xrays taken and found something that upset him on my hip---so he had more pictures taken. He came back into the exam room to tell me that he was pretty sure it was metastatic breast cancer that had manifested in my hip. He did think he should show the xrays to his partner however, who told him he thought whatever it was, was benign...so this young fellow decided just to set me up with some scans before doing anything else. The MRI proved totally benign and just 'because' I am going for a bone scan this Monday. I now have new respect for aging physicians.

I write about this because it brought back memories of my initial breast cancer diagnosis and I thought I would share the thoughts that 'got me through' at that time, for anyone in receipt of this who is going through something equally scary or who has a relative going through something.

First upon learning of a cancer diagnosis it is important to tell yourself and others that this is not a 'death' sentence and that there is no way you are going to die. Once that thought is in your head, you can proceed to all sorts of decisions. What physician do you want; where do you want to be throughout treatment, and above all what hospital do you want to be at. My family want me to write a review for Zagat of all New York City hospitals since during my sixteen years there I spent time in every single one of them! However, most were for simple procedures (ie: rotator cuffs in each arm at two different hospitals). Bad memories with my beloved husband initially kept me from going to Memorial Sloan Kettering, but after a bad experience at NYU Med, I realized that when it comes to cancer---you cannot do better than Memorial Sloan Kettering. Indeed as it took quite awhile for the MRI results to become official this past week, I was reminded how unbelieveably well Sloan Kettering works. As soon as you become affiliated with them you are given an ID card (just like a credit card). Once in the computer, this card is used for every single visit to the hospital you might make. There is no waiting whatsoever for results of anything. If you have a scan set up for 10:00AM, you have an appointment at 10:20AM with the doctor who ordered the scan as he or she already has your results via the computer. The entire hospital is like a small city and they are on top of everything about you every single second.

Even in the best medical hands however, you still have more decisions. Will your treatment require you to have help to take care of yourself, or can you pretty much go through it on your own. BE AS INDEPENDENT AS YOU CAN BE FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN BE is the best advice I have for anyone. Somehow it keeps you from becoming dependent (I know---I actually lost 'myself' a bit as I had help from wonderful people, but for far too long). Equally important is to make the decision to stay in touch with those who care. Just their calls to you can make a big difference in your recovery. I am sure that my classmates from Albany High School who made calls to me definitely kept a smile on my face and sped up my recovery.

Most important however is to focus throughout on something you love. Sometimes a job keeps you so busy you don't have time to fret, however, often you do. I happen to love everything theatrical. In the past years this love has manifested in writing theatre rather than producing, directing or acting in it as I have done throughout my life. If any energy exists during treatment---use it. Garden, write, listen to music, do the reading you've not 'had time for', create things, or just enjoy the computer. While waiting for my results this week, I focused totally on working with my composer, Adam, who fortunately only had these particular days to work with me. I do not think there is anything that I enjoy doing more than putting my lyrics to music---so this week I was totally provided with the 'something' I love to do.

Finally--keep imagining yourself doing and being whatever you totally enjoy wherever that might be. I knew that if this turned out to be 'anything' this past week, I would take myself right back to Sloan. I therefore would be staying in NYC. I really love my life in Florida, and while I have some of the most beloved people in my life living in NYC, I only kept seeing myself living and thriving back in Florida. I guess it worked!

With it all--keep up a dialogue with the good Lord, and with all those watching out for you 'upstairs'. Nothing beats prayer.

Hope this is helpful--keep the emails coming to let me know-- and if you know anyone who needs an ear---I'm 'still' right here.

Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com

Dysfunction or Disappointed Expectations?

I used to joke that I'd like to do a group for 'functional' families, but didn't think there would be any family around left to participate. 'Dysfunctional' got to be the norm---whose family isn't? But what constitutes dysfunction? My understanding is that a person becomes dysfunctional when he or she is no longer able to 'function'-- specifically in a job or in a relationship. Something has become such an addiction (ie: alcohol) that one's job or one's all important relationship is in jeopardy. But addictions are not only alcohol, drugs, etc. An addiction can also be to what is known as 'disappointed expectations' or DA.

How often throughout a day are we 'let down'? Well if we suffer from an addiction to DA that can be pretty frequent. How many of us have almost died when it looks like our 'hard drive' may be collapsing. (I remember years ago taking the whole damn office I had in the dogs' cart to Staples where I had bought everything, in order to pray that they would save me--and they did.) Everyday we suffer DA when some one or other of our electronic devices let us down. But of course it's not just from our electronics that we suffer, but sometimes there are live people who 'let us down'. They have the nerve not to do what we EXPECT of them!!

As parents it is part of our MO to suffer from DA. And that addiction can also be the root for all future adults who suffer from DA. If a kid doesn't live up to a parent's 'expectations' no matter how large or how small, he or she is going to be 'screwed' up--we all know that. But do we also realize that if we're screwed up as parents, how can we 'expect' our kids to be sane? I mean if we whine--we have to realize that our kids are going to become a 'kvetch'. That's just the way things work.

The struggle in parenting as well as in a relationship is to constantly examine if our expectations are reasonable. Were we wrong to 'expect' that this marriage would be free of physical abuse?? Hello??? Is it asking too much to expect our kids to maybe make a bed? I dunno, I mean they do have a lot more homework today.
Do you think it is reasonable to 'expect' an hour of real work from an employee a day, or must we consider that she is having a real boyfriend problem and let her spend most of the time in her office on the phone? And how about our friends? Is it really worth it to expect them to never disappoint us? But is the disappointment reasonable? Maybe it is, and maybe it is just too great to continue the friendship. Or maybe it's an example of one of those 'let it go' situations we recently discussed where it is better to 'let it go' and lose the battle but win the war. Or maybe it is of such magnitude that we should actually go to war over it---I mean all those countries were once our 'friends' weren't they?

I guess what I'm saying is that it might be a good idea to continually examine our expectations before we become a DA addict and make that kind of contribution to the 'dysfunctional' world we are already a part of. Just a thought.

Hope you enjoyed the session. Today's topic was in response to a suggestion...if any of you have some for me---please do not hesitate to send them to me.

Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com

THE IMPORTANCE OF STAYING CONNECTED

When my late husband Barry and I were young marrieds sitting in the backseat of my parents' car my father made the statement that if you make one friend in life you can consider yourself a rich person. Barry and I looked at each other, actually while laughing, and said simultaneously "then we must be loaded!". After all we had friends coming out of the woodwork. We had all our friends from high school and some with whom we kept in touch from college, some from business, some from the neighborhood, and already a number from theatrical productions. However as we traveled through this life, even before his death, Barry and I realized how 'right on' my father had been.

A real friend is a treasure and is someone to be treasured. If you reach that certain age where you can say you have one friend, be it a spouse, a sibling, a child, a parent, or maybe your next door neighbor, you can indeed consider yourself blessed. Sadly many people never really get that in life. I believe a treasured friend is someone you must work hard to cultivate. Mainly it takes 'being there' by 'staying connected'.

If you love this friend who's become a part of your life...let him or her know it. Try to remember their important dates and events so you can 'check in' when they occur. But much more important is to really 'listen' to them. If you can provide this kind of friendship, it is likely the favor will be returned. When you 'need to talk' and to have someone who can really be honest with you regarding what you are saying, and there is one person who immediately comes to mind, that person is there because you have 'been there' for him or her as well. To have a friend, one must 'be a friend'.

In order to keep friends who may become these jewels, you really have to stay connected. Find times and places to spend time together, whether close by or far away. A long distance relationship is better than none, but you really need that 'face to face' or 'one on one' contact for nourishment occasionally.

There is no question that a friend is someone who is there when you've had a loss--however the kind of friend about whom I've been referring, remains on hand well after that loss. Friends have a way of being there when the 'chips are down'
but this kind of friend is there when you have occasion to celebrate as well. That is much more rare actually. Friends are there when you are ill, but when you get better is when you may need them even more.

It is amazing how important these friends are when you travel through crossroads in life, as I recently have. You simply 'get through' largely because of these 'friends'. I have been blessed beyond reason. And I cannot help mentioning as I sit writing this with the Tony's on TV, that there is something so very special about the friends you make who share your passion whatever it may be. People who come to know you this way probably know you best---you just kind of 'get' each other.
So make sure as you may 'move on' from these friends or any other friends, that you remain 'in touch'.

Stay connected---work at it---the benefits are truly worth it. A friend not only keeps you 'rich', but with just one--you are never alone. Now go call whomever you've been neglecting.

Hope these sessions are of help...your emails indicate they are. I thank you.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
visit me at; www.drmimiscott.com

I have a 96 year old aunt and uncle who have been together since they were 12 years old. I recently asked my aunt "how they did it?" and she replied: "you learn to 'let it go'". I interpreted this as not having to always win or be right, but losing the battle in order to win the war of peace and longevity in a relationship. And this rule of thumb can apply to children, parents, siblings, friends, etc. etc.
Obvioulsy the winning is not as important as the relationship continuing.

Now 'letting go" is a very different kind of story. This one truly evokes changing our belief system. Most of us got married believing that a spouse is there to fulfill our every need. Guess what? He or she is simply not able to do that. We have to challenge the belief system that says anyone--- partner, child, friend--- should behave in a certain way. I had a gay friend Bob who would sit in a chair by my bed when I was ill and we would talk for hours. Barry would pop his head in from time to time to see if I wanted anything, but it was Bob who was serving as my 'hand holder'. Barry, who was the greatest gift of my life,was simply not the type to do that---but how I wish he were around today to simply 'pop his head in'.

But "letting go" is a whole lot more than that. As we get older so do our children and grandchildren. They develop into real adults with real lives. Most of us I'm sure are proud of all their accomplishments, but truth be told,sometimes we wish they were a little different. Maybe if they wore their hair another way (I always wanted to push my teenaged grandson's hair a little bit away so that it wasn't in his eyes!), or maybe if they were a little thinnier or athletic or whatever. But guess what? It is out of our control---we have to "let go" We can no longer 'fix it like we did when they were maybe two. Everyone is now on their own. And if we 'let go' and just let them live they will probably like us a whole lot better and we can really feel a whole lot better as well. This does not mean we disappear or stop caring or listening---indeed we will always be first to arrive at a hospital, and we will always want to hold our child, no matter what age, if they have been hurt in any way.

But by 'letting go' we liberate ourselves. Now we can feel unburdened and concentrate on our bills, our painting or whatever it is we have to and we love to do. After all I've always heard that the best kind of parenting is by example.

HOLIDAYS!

Well we just all traveled through Memorial Day weekend. How'd it go? Was it another day in Paradise...or was it 'hell on wheels'??? Somehow Holiday weekends always enlighten.

We may spend them with family and find out how great everyone has turned out to be, or how horrifying they all seem to be. Some wish it could go on forever and others cannot wait to get back to their own private spaace. If you feel the latter, you are not alone...family gatherings can be dreadful (even when it's barbeque time--not as bad as Thanksgiving though...and Christmas--ughhh).

Or we may choose to spend them with friends and prepare for the proverbial "ball". But even then, sometimes it's even more fun, and sometimes it's a very disappointing time.

In either situation some get drunk and make us laugh, others get drunk and can be absolutely nasty and make us feel like 'shit'.

Finally we may choose to spend the Holiday weekend alone. Again for some this is a joy. (I myself used the actual Memorial day to have the car washed; bathe the four dogs and shop at Home Depot and Target for all the things I found missimg on Saturday when everyone was there) Loners also can get to catch up on their reading; enjoy the parade on TV; answer a bunch of emails, or just take a good nap. But some may sit and wonder why they are alone on a Holiday weekend. Again one might ask: "Is it me?"

The question is a very powerful one. If you want an answer it requires tremendous honesty. We all tend to blame everyone else for what isn't going well. (These gatherings can be tremendous gossip sessions), but what we want to examine is what was our role in creating that which was created. Did we provide the smiles or were we responsible for the misery. Could it be possible we were controlling about the whole event?? Could it be possible we complained all day? Did we become too outragous and argumentative because of a beer or two? Or--this is important--were our expectaions simply disappointed, which brings us to what is often the 'root of all evil'....Disappointed Expectations.

Maybe we wanted to see unreasonable expectations met and when they were'nt we became 'let down'. I guess it makes sense to just take our families and friends for being just that--"family" and "friends". As such sometimes they make us feel terrific and sometimes they make us feel 'lousy'. If we come to these occasions expecting nothing more than what they are, we might not feel a real 'high' but neither will we come out feeling really upset.

I truly hope that the experience was great for all of you, but if it wasn't just think about some of the things I suggested above and look forward to a dirrernt kind of fireworks on July 4th!




But we can always look at the positives---it's a good time to examine oneself and find out why and where discomfort comes from. We can actually ask: "Is it me?"

The Art of Being Alone

My last installment spoke of loneliness, however there is a distinction between loneliness and choosing to live alone. One case I know quite well looks at being alone as liberating. No more reliance on another person...taking a delight in doing things for yourself. Choosing the programs or the books that you can look forward to enjoying each day or night.

But having a confidante is the most important ingredient for anyone who chooses to be alone. Even for those who are not alone. A confidante may not be a spouse or a sibling but a wonderful friend who is there to listen to you. One to whom you report when you've returned from doing something special.

Alone is making a choice to either keep busy by making dates for lunch or dinner, or enjoy cuddled on your couch perhaps with your pet. Or you may choose to be on the computer. There is really so much offered other than emailing. You can do a blog, as I am, or you can read whatever newspaper you choose, or investigate any topic you may want. Or you can do what I just did to make yourself feel terrific.

I took a short little drive with my four pups from Hollywood Florida to just outside Albany, New York where my lake house is located. I stopped in NYC for three days and caught up with my wonderful friends which was like getting an adrenaline shot, and then did indeed take a short trip up to the lake. Not only did it make me feel proud of the accomplishment, but I had some real revelations or epiphanies while driving and listening to CD's that for some reason I never have time for in Florida. I heard the Bee Gees, Airsupply and Elvis among others, and I made sure I had the show Les Miserables in my possession by the time I left New York.

Somehow the phrase by the Bee Gees "How can you mend a broken heart?" really got to me. I realized that I had truly suffered a broken heart when my husband of thirty years died at 52. Unfortunately I did not want to deal with those feelings enough at that time...I just desperately wanted someone to 'stitch my heart up'. Now I am feeling the grief as I have never felt it before. I spoke of Barry and still do everyday of my life, but now I am feeling him in a new way. This should have happened years ago because grieving is what allows you to 'move on'. If you do not do it, it tugs at you until you do.

So I am 'doing', but at the same time I am truly enjoying being 'on my own'. Hopefully what I have just said may impact some of you and help you along...that after all is my purpose in writing this. By the way my number at the lakehouse is 518 674-8505 and if you need to talk just call. If you don't reach me at the Lake call my cellphone 917 846-2449---I'll probably be out grocery shopping, but I can still talk even while picking out lettuce!

Dr. Mimi Scott

LET'S DEAL WITH LONELINESS

I guess this is for all the wonderful people reading who on occasion get lonely....it's ok...indeed there are many people out there who are surrounded in their homes by family who also get lonely. It is not great to feel that way, but sometimes we have to just soak ourselves in the loneliness for a bit, and then wash it off and get up and get going.

When is the last time you went through your closet? Or your drawers? Or even your kitchen cabinets? How about getting rid of all the stuff you don't use (along with the pounds you've no doubt lost) and donating it to those who could use it?

How about going outside now and walking the pet you no doubt have acquired, and if you haven't, go outside anyway and take a walk. Walk and notice...notice the trees and the leaves and the birds and the sky and the colors all around you (hope they're not all blue---we don't want to think blue), and if no one is nearby try singing to yourself (doesn't matter if you don't have a voice---you have a soul and it needs nourishment). When you get home from your walk try putting on some music and dance to it---yes I said dance! When is the last time you tired yourself out dancing? Nothing like swinging those hips and arms to feel alive. Now catch your breath and sit down...get a glass of tea (cold or hot doesn't matter) and relax.

Next take time for that healthy snack followed by your favorite TV program. Try not to make it the news--that always adds to depression. Hey, how about the beach now, or a good movie, or if you're lucky enough be in NYC--a show!! Every Easter Sunday I would go to a show myself and come out feeling totally renewed. At any rate this is also a good time to call whomever and schedule whatever, so you have a date to look forward to. It's important to stay in touch with friends--when one is single they become particularly important. And try to groom one or two that will always be available to you---very important to have a confidante that will answer the phone.

Another thing I have to mention is that you can always go out to dinner, lunch or whatever BY YOURSELF (or with the pet). All over larger cities people are out eating alone and reading a newspaper or book---if you don't live in one, start a new fad in your town! When you return you will feel like you can began your evening routine of TV or whatever, before bedding down.

You have now proven that you don't NEED someone to be with to enjoy your day. You have enjoyed it by enjoying you! By the way--you CAN talk to yourself if you wish. I give you permission. It's great to have conversations with one's self. And I suggest that you tell yourself how proud you are of yourself for changing your life so that you are now in charge of it! If you have a moment to slip into soft feelings regarding the past---take it and then remind yourself why you left your past situation..think about the worst moments---then congratulate yourself on making the change!!

Of course, many people are not alone of their own choosing. I found myself alone at 50 when my husband of thirty years died of a rare form of bone cancer at 52.

My kids were married with kids and my mother passed away just two months later. I was ALONE and yes there was immense loneliness. A lot of the above was what I did in order to fight off the loneliness---but ALONE--and choosing that for yourself is a whole other discussion which we'll deal with in the next session.

Remember you can email or call me if you want cauz I'm here for you---especially when you get 'down' for whatever reason...I'll be traveling up north this week from Florida and may not be as accessible as usual---but I should be reestablished in my lake home by next week this time, where I'll take time to offer you another session. By the way I'm waiting to hear your thoughts on topics you'd like me to address. Thanks for reading.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449

Visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com

Now Take Care of Yourself!

The break up is over, you've cleaned and redecorated the house/apartment, now you're on your own and it's all about you! What a great time to get yourself in shape. And I don't only mean physically. However, once the physical's achieved the emotional fitness is sure to follow. Nothing gives more joy and pride than getting yourself in shape...you wind up with a great new confidence level. This I know from personal experience...I just lost 240 pounds! 40 of my own and 200 of his! And I feel great.

It starts with nutrition which cannot begin unless you are really ready to commit. I was ready when I couldn't breathe when bending down to get a shoe on. It was my New Year's pledge and I've truly lost 40 pounds since Jan. 1st. I cut out wheat---haven't eaten bread, pasta, rice, etc. since that date. I focused on protein, salad, vegetables, and fruit. Also--roasted almonds are on my counter at all times. I drink water, especially with crushed ice since that fulfills the need to chew. I take Hoodia and an Acai Berry pill everyday around 3:00pm---keeps the energy up. But most importantly--I keep moving!

I begin each morning with an excercise routine I've been doing for years. It's really a combination of Pilates and other stretching exercises, but it takes about 20 minutes and it loosens me up for the day. This is followed by walking my dogs around the park for approximately a mile. I then go into the gym that is in my building and work three different machines over a ten minute period (the stair, the treadmill and the bike). I follow this with 10 more minutes of weight lifting machines and 50 sit-ups. A quick change once back in my apartment into a bathing suit, and I'm into the pool for 20 laps across. When done I allow myself 20 minutes in the sun which I read was actually healthy and as a result have the best tan ever---even a dermatologist complimented me.

The important thing about all this is the fact that nothing intimidates. I only do a few minutes of machines, but I do three of them. The same with the weights and the weight lifting machines. I set them on numbers that I can manage---not on numbers that will defeat me. Finally, when I began the swimming I could barely get through 2 laps. But I added a few more each day and now I'm ready to increase the 20 laps. When we set realistic goals for ourselves we are more likely to succeed than if we try for too much too fast.

As a result of all the activity any ailments that were hanging around are gone and my energy level is back to the "me" I was before having breast cancer with complications and allowing a weight gain. As a result of all this working out my body doesn't hang from weight loss, or look bony from malnutrition. Best of all I'm no longer getting ready for bed at 7:00pm. I'm at the computer with all kinds of writing and stuff so that I don't get into bed too early and make multiple trips to the refrigerator at night. I'm typing this at 10:30pm and I have only a glass of water with ice by me.


I relayed all this to all of you so that maybe some ONE person out there becomes motivated to do the same. GET RID OF ALL THE TOXINS IN YOUR BODY AND IN YOUR LIFE. Be patient with yourself--don't let some relaxation or cheating get you down---just get right back 'on the wagon'. What you are doing is not a 'diet' it is a change of lifestyle. And once you don't feel 'weighed' down by excess, you are ready to have fun again---maybe with a new mate, maybe with your very wonderful friends, or maybe just with your 'lil ol self'!

And guys and gals, I'm having trouble finding the comments that so many of you have told me you've written. Be sure and sign your names because I guess they won't print comments that are made anonymously. Tune in next week same time for another session.

Mimi Scott, Ph.d
954 926-0133
917 846-2449

visit me at:www.drmimiscott.com

Now...How do we survive this breakup??

Ok, so you get through the big departure and you pledge not to slide back into 'the old shoe'.

How do you make sure that you can accomplish this? Well, here are some ideas. As I said last week, remove any reminders that may be in your home---all pictures of the good times, a gift that was given when things were good, etc. Then do something a little different with the room(s) you and and your 'roomate' spent time in together. Just changing furniture around can somehow make a difference.

Then what to do??? If you don't already have one--get a pet. A pet provides someone to come home to and also someone that keeps you busy if for no other reason then by having to walk him or her. In addition, you constantly meet and talk to people when you are out with your pet, and if you make the pet understand from the beginning that you have things to do away from home and you leave out water, food, and turn on TV, your pet will be absolutely fine. I firmly believe that pets were put on this earth to take care of us humans.

With that understood, you begin to make plans with family and friends as much as you can. Catch up with people you haven't had time for. Indeed have people over..again this gives you something to do in order to keep you distracted from thoughts of "you know who".

In regard to this, try not to inquire about him/her and try to keep the name out of conversations with anyone, including yourself.

Speaking of yourself, are there any things you've put off doing due to a lack of inspiration? Now's a good time to try it. I'm talking about things like writing, photographing, painting, dance lessoning, tinkering, geneology, sports following and playing, car racing,.... and the list goes on.

By the way, writing is a wonderful way to get things resolved in your mind. Think about what you want from life and what may have led you in the wrong direction (only momentarily since now's the time to 'begin again').

Yes, you may want to keep your eyes and ears open for a new love, but remember "a watched pot doesn't boil", so don't make thinking about that your priority. Just 'put it out there' and let the universe take care of the rest.

Most importantly do not berate yourself for having made the mistake of spending time with this person whom you eventually knew was wrong for you. That time spent was just a 'bump in the road' of life...now go on and enjoy yourself!!

Hope this session was helpful. Let me know if there are any subjects you would like me to address and I'll do my best to accomodate.

Dr. Mimi Scott

visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com

"Breaking up is Hard to Do"

Wouldn't it be wonderful if all committed relationships stayed that way...well let's talk some reality---

How and when do we end a relationship and how do we know we are right in doing so?? And more importantly how do we survive a break up?

Actually ending a relationship whether it was short term or long term takes a great deal of courage. However when the pain becomes so much greater than the pleasure (if there is any left at all) we usually realize that we're in a 'bad situation' and hopefully that we must exit which is not easy.

When there is moderate pain and significant pleasure in a relationship we first must give 'help' a chance and then pledge to really work on it. When the pain however becomes so great we must know to 'get out'. And I'm not talking only about physical abuse--mental and emotional abuse can be just as painful, perhaps worse. So how do we get ourselves out from under?

First have a plan. Know where you are going or if you are staying and feel that your partner will not easily leave, have someone around to help you take your stand and if possible outline for your partner what and where he or she can do and go. Call the partner's family in some cases to advise them of the situation---if the severity is such that you need to call family or
friends to help you accomplish the task, be sure and do so.

Try to reach comfortable decisions regarding finances, but if the reaction is ugly---give it up (unless we are talking 'big time' money in which case have legal counsel ready). The pride taken when we 'get out there' and do whatever we have to do to take care of ourselves, is and will be, amazing. Tune up your skills at what may be coming to you from this 'stimulus package' or anywhere else as well.

When the 'deed is done' and you can take a deep breath, clean up yourself and your space, unless you're the one moving into a new space, and enjoy some redecorating. The important thing is to get comfortable and to rid yourself of anything around that makes you feel bad.

Next make your second plan and that is to 'keep busy'. If time was spent with your ex in the morning, afternoon or the evening, make plans to have something to do during these hours...
watch some new TV programs; work at the computer; write; paint; sing, or make dates---not necessarily with the opposite sex. Begin to enjoy your girlfriends or guy friends...and enjoy your self---this may take some reading, listening to music, meditating and praying...just 'put it out there' no matter what way you do it.

Know this---now pay close attention---you will, I said will, slip. First realize that it would be inhuman to end a relationship and simply 'walk away'. You have to have some feelings about it and it is OK to cry--but not for long.

What isn't OK is when you begin to think that maybe you acted too quickly; maybe you left something good; maybe the guy or gal you had your eye on next wasn't exactly as exciting as you had hoped. At that point in time, when the tears and howls come, realize that you are in pain, because, after all, you just had surgery. You have just had a 'tumor' removed from your body that was destroying your health and well being. Pain is natural after surgery and it may take a while to heal, but think how wonderfully healthy you will be when you do indeed get back on your feet. After all, you now will be able to get back that good energy instead of that 'sick' kind of feeling that keeps your energy in the toilet.

AA members have sponsors to call when they feel they are about to 'slip'. Make sure you have a relative or a friend that can serve you in this way, provided they were 'with you' regarding the need for this 'break up'. Tell them at the time of the break up to 'be prepared' because you are most likely going to need their support when you will be feeling youself 'slip' into regret.
Always keep a picture in your mind of the worst moment in your relationship with that person. Think about that anytime those regret feelings begin to 'show up'---kick em out!

Now you can do some of those things you've talked about not having the 'time' to do. Remember however---no comprimises regarding that tumor--no lunches once a week, a movie, a walk etc. You don't want any part of the tumor left in your body---GET IT ALL OUT---and MOVE ON!

I hope this session helped and I wish you only the best! You deserve it!

Dr. Mimi Scott