GETTING PAST DESPAIR

Has anyone out there experienced sitting in a room, an apartment or a house filled with people, and feeling totally alone? When it feels forced to put on the smile that is usually associated with your face? When to socialize is actually painful for you who are normally an outgoing person? Well, don't think you are alone with this experience, because you are not. (Do I not sound like one of those commercials for anti-depressents?) I believe that most people experience this...we just don't know it.

How can someone who has just discovered a close relative is terminal want to go out and 'act' happy? How can someone whose spouse has lost a job want to go out and party? My first suggestion is don't even try. Some in the profession vehemently disagree. I believe that you have the right to take time out and to let yourself be depressed. I also, depending upon the severity, believe that a professional should be seen and that medication may indeed be in order. When someone in the house is 'depressed' it can be a real downer for everyone else. The instinct is to tell them all the good things about their lives in the hope that they will 'see the light' and stop being 'depressed'. That is not always the right route to take. If one ignores the depression that they are feeling and does not take the time to 'be depressed', it may pull at them until one day the depression is much more severe for having waited to deal with it.

As a student I was told that the Jewish tradition of 'sitting shiva' following a death is actually a very healthy thing to do. It forces the family to take time away from going back to work, or attending that meeting, or keeping the golf date. They are simply 'sitting' with the purpose being to think about the loss and to allow others to say whatever will comfort, or even put a smile on their face. Most people however believe that it is important to keep going no matter what is or is not happening or no matter how you are feeling. Some professionals will tell you to simply 'fight your way through it'. I disagree. What I think people want to hear is that they have a right to feel the way they do and that they deserve the permission to take time out, but time out with a deadline.

How you get past the despair may be determined by what you do with your 'time out'. Prayer works wonders. Crying cleanses. Physical activity keeps the body going, and enjoying music, writing, reading or just watching a good sitcom may all get you going again. Focusing on starting something you have always loved to do such as writing a new song, may get you going as well. Ultimatly, the best way to deal with your despair may simply be to talk about it. One wonderful friend whom you can trust is often the absolute best therapy. If you don't have that one person...start cultivating that kind of confidante. In the end it's what beats all other approaches to getting past despair.

Next week's blog may be delayed as I will be 'on the road again' returning to Florida. So hang in there,,,and don't hang yourself! I'm always here for you.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com