I have a 96 year old aunt and uncle who have been together since they were 12 years old. I recently asked my aunt "how they did it?" and she replied: "you learn to 'let it go'". I interpreted this as not having to always win or be right, but losing the battle in order to win the war of peace and longevity in a relationship. And this rule of thumb can apply to children, parents, siblings, friends, etc. etc.
Obvioulsy the winning is not as important as the relationship continuing.

Now 'letting go" is a very different kind of story. This one truly evokes changing our belief system. Most of us got married believing that a spouse is there to fulfill our every need. Guess what? He or she is simply not able to do that. We have to challenge the belief system that says anyone--- partner, child, friend--- should behave in a certain way. I had a gay friend Bob who would sit in a chair by my bed when I was ill and we would talk for hours. Barry would pop his head in from time to time to see if I wanted anything, but it was Bob who was serving as my 'hand holder'. Barry, who was the greatest gift of my life,was simply not the type to do that---but how I wish he were around today to simply 'pop his head in'.

But "letting go" is a whole lot more than that. As we get older so do our children and grandchildren. They develop into real adults with real lives. Most of us I'm sure are proud of all their accomplishments, but truth be told,sometimes we wish they were a little different. Maybe if they wore their hair another way (I always wanted to push my teenaged grandson's hair a little bit away so that it wasn't in his eyes!), or maybe if they were a little thinnier or athletic or whatever. But guess what? It is out of our control---we have to "let go" We can no longer 'fix it like we did when they were maybe two. Everyone is now on their own. And if we 'let go' and just let them live they will probably like us a whole lot better and we can really feel a whole lot better as well. This does not mean we disappear or stop caring or listening---indeed we will always be first to arrive at a hospital, and we will always want to hold our child, no matter what age, if they have been hurt in any way.

But by 'letting go' we liberate ourselves. Now we can feel unburdened and concentrate on our bills, our painting or whatever it is we have to and we love to do. After all I've always heard that the best kind of parenting is by example.