Scholars of 'Depression' present therapists with two points of view. There are those that say 'you must fight it'. Others say to allow it. I have always believed in the latter. I have assessed what patients have told me and let them know that I understand how they must feel and that I can understand the depression. I also have suggested taking time out and just sitting with their depression. Usually after a few days, the patient gets bored with his/her depression and goes out and becomes ready to be himself or herself once again. That is one reason the Jewish tradition of 'sitting shiva' is praised by the profession. It forces mourners to take 'time out' and focus on their grief. Otherwise, scholars say, going right back to work keeps the grief nagging at you and you never really get to deal with it.
At any rate, I was recently quite down. First thing I learned was to keep from diagnosing oneself before you receive a formal diagnosis. Having had cancer one can be 'paranoid'. So when I felt something once again I was sure the 'fat globule' that it turned out to be was cancer. I was also sure that the nodule on my thyroid that doctors had seen was another thing to worry about. It wasn't...there were cysts on the thryroid which are quite common. So there was no need to go though the 'down' time. In actuality, other factors played into it, but it was mostly health worries.
One thing I did was to not force myself to go out with people and have to smile and chatter. I simply was not up to doing it and wound up even 'breaking dates'. Surprisingly everyone understood.
Second thing I did was to keep busy in a solo fashion. I got the paints and the canvases etc., and began to paint. It has to be the most relaxing thing I've ever done! Some may think my work equals that of a fourth grader, but I haven't been disappointed because I'm enjoying it so much.
I have another friend who promised himself when he retired he would play the flute---he's absolutely loving it...so who knows? Maybe that's next. And as you all know I love to write.
My memoir is over 425 pages already and I'm far from complete. I also started to rehearse the one woman show I've been doing, and that always makes me feel good. And you can't go wrong with reading. To complete a book of true value helps tremendously, but even a mindless suspense novel can comfort. Of course having to walk a pet will always at least 'get you out' (as it did me with my four little pals) and perhaps even enjoy nature.
So after some tests were taken and I got the results I truly felt like I had gotten a new lease on life! Now I'm 'manic' again and happy too!
Just thought I'd share with you what worked so that the next time you're 'down' you can be better informed as to what to do.
Hope you enjoyed the session...
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
Sunday, October 25, 2009
Sunday, October 18, 2009
WHERE ARE THE WATCHFUL EYES??
I'll get right to it. This week I watched clips on TV of a 15 year old boy down here who was burned almost to death by five other boys aged 13-15. They poured alcohol on him and then lit him up. The 911 call that somebody made with the boy in the background screaming, when aired was almost too much to listen to.
A friend told me of her grandson's suicide attempt with pills that he had acquired at college so that he could sleep. The 'parties' at the universities aren't just at fraternities---they take place all night every night. I mean the drinking, the smoking of pot and who knows what else, is always there to accompany the loud voices and music. There is little respect for those who just might want to study, or God forbid, go to sleep. It's not uncommon to see the vomit, a result of the drinking, found all around the dorm. On my oldest granddaughter's first night at college a girl was brought out on a stretcher---a victim of date rape. Of course there are always the traditions of running nude here and there around statues or fountains. And if for some strange reason someone doesn't want to participate, they may as well get used to being an outcast with no social life, and down the line, take pills for the depression that the pain of that situation has brought on. To say it's a real dilemma is an understatement.
And of course, we had the balloon drama in Colorado where millions were spent trying to rescue the boy whom they thought was in the balloon over Denver, only to later realize it was a hoax!
I'll bet those parents will somehow be made accountable. But they are not the only ones we should hold accountable.
On my agenda this year is to write a play about domestic violence, or violence in general. As a result I did a lot of interviews this past summer in upstate NY on people I knew who had been caught up in this world as well as the guards at the local jails. There was one theme throughout every single crime and I'm sure you have guessed it...DRUGS. And drugs can be responsible for Wall street crimes as well as those in impoverished neighborhoods. Is anyone keeping an eye on anything???
Where were the parents of these young psychopaths? The victim's family had no health care so there are all sorts of fundraisers being held for this boy's care. How can you not want to donate? However, why aren't the parents of these young murderes responsible for these bills. It's probably impossible, but making parents financially accountable is perhaps one way to reduce these crimes.
Where are the famous RA's in the dorms? Where are parents, teachers, family members at every level who are keeping a watchful eye on those in trouble. It's my business as a therapist to examine what's going on with people. However it must become everyone's 'business' to develop a 'watchfulness' over your siblings, your co-workers, your fellow students, your neighbors, the executives in your life, and yes your own parents.
There are no more boundaries Is it a surprise that every area of our life and our government is 'out of control'? Can we not think about how to get things under control and begin with out own little family? Keep closer contact and know when you see signs that one of the kids, or your brother/sister, or your father or mother is not acting as he or she normally does. Be in close contact with the school (even the college) officials who are relating to your kids every day. Know who their friends are, and know whatever you can about the families of these friends.
People 'clam up' when they are hiding or ashamed about something. If any of your loved ones appears this way, try and get to the bottom of it whatever way you can. Always do whatever you can to KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN! Before you decide upon an estrangement (which takes a major toll no matter what---usually on your physical self), exhaust every way you can think to 'reach' this person who means so much. Somehow conveying 'love' usually is the key to unlocking emotions. At any rate before you completely separate yourself, try to leave a door open and at least a sense of amicability.
Oh, and by the way, it's not always easy to express feelings by texting or email. Try that obsolete method of phone calling (best for reception when not on a cell), or better yet, schedule a time to sit face to face with someone...not just 'on the run', but a real eye to eye. Let's try and find those 'watchful eyes' and I don't just mean on a Bernie Madoff, but on our own family members. I'll bet the Madoff boys wish they had done so.
Hope you not only enjoyed this session, but were perhaps a little 'fired up' by it.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
A friend told me of her grandson's suicide attempt with pills that he had acquired at college so that he could sleep. The 'parties' at the universities aren't just at fraternities---they take place all night every night. I mean the drinking, the smoking of pot and who knows what else, is always there to accompany the loud voices and music. There is little respect for those who just might want to study, or God forbid, go to sleep. It's not uncommon to see the vomit, a result of the drinking, found all around the dorm. On my oldest granddaughter's first night at college a girl was brought out on a stretcher---a victim of date rape. Of course there are always the traditions of running nude here and there around statues or fountains. And if for some strange reason someone doesn't want to participate, they may as well get used to being an outcast with no social life, and down the line, take pills for the depression that the pain of that situation has brought on. To say it's a real dilemma is an understatement.
And of course, we had the balloon drama in Colorado where millions were spent trying to rescue the boy whom they thought was in the balloon over Denver, only to later realize it was a hoax!
I'll bet those parents will somehow be made accountable. But they are not the only ones we should hold accountable.
On my agenda this year is to write a play about domestic violence, or violence in general. As a result I did a lot of interviews this past summer in upstate NY on people I knew who had been caught up in this world as well as the guards at the local jails. There was one theme throughout every single crime and I'm sure you have guessed it...DRUGS. And drugs can be responsible for Wall street crimes as well as those in impoverished neighborhoods. Is anyone keeping an eye on anything???
Where were the parents of these young psychopaths? The victim's family had no health care so there are all sorts of fundraisers being held for this boy's care. How can you not want to donate? However, why aren't the parents of these young murderes responsible for these bills. It's probably impossible, but making parents financially accountable is perhaps one way to reduce these crimes.
Where are the famous RA's in the dorms? Where are parents, teachers, family members at every level who are keeping a watchful eye on those in trouble. It's my business as a therapist to examine what's going on with people. However it must become everyone's 'business' to develop a 'watchfulness' over your siblings, your co-workers, your fellow students, your neighbors, the executives in your life, and yes your own parents.
There are no more boundaries Is it a surprise that every area of our life and our government is 'out of control'? Can we not think about how to get things under control and begin with out own little family? Keep closer contact and know when you see signs that one of the kids, or your brother/sister, or your father or mother is not acting as he or she normally does. Be in close contact with the school (even the college) officials who are relating to your kids every day. Know who their friends are, and know whatever you can about the families of these friends.
People 'clam up' when they are hiding or ashamed about something. If any of your loved ones appears this way, try and get to the bottom of it whatever way you can. Always do whatever you can to KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN! Before you decide upon an estrangement (which takes a major toll no matter what---usually on your physical self), exhaust every way you can think to 'reach' this person who means so much. Somehow conveying 'love' usually is the key to unlocking emotions. At any rate before you completely separate yourself, try to leave a door open and at least a sense of amicability.
Oh, and by the way, it's not always easy to express feelings by texting or email. Try that obsolete method of phone calling (best for reception when not on a cell), or better yet, schedule a time to sit face to face with someone...not just 'on the run', but a real eye to eye. Let's try and find those 'watchful eyes' and I don't just mean on a Bernie Madoff, but on our own family members. I'll bet the Madoff boys wish they had done so.
Hope you not only enjoyed this session, but were perhaps a little 'fired up' by it.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
Sunday, October 11, 2009
I'M STILL HERE!!
My title today refers to two things: your response to my poll and my health as a breast cancer survivor.
I was overwhelmed by your beautiful emails to me. I am so very pleased that so many are taking the time to read this blog and that so many of you feel it is enlightening and has enhanced your lives. So you have my very deep appreciation and as a result I am pleased to say "yes, I am indeed still here!"
This being breast cancer month I also felt I should address the fact that I am very much still here three years later. Breast cancer did change me, but it did not kill me, and this is why I believe it did not. This is for all of you gals out there whether you've gone through it or not.
When I got my pre-diagnosis in August of 2006 after I went for a mammogram on Broadway and 57th street in New York City, I remember using the prase "it doesn't faze me' to my kids when I called to tell them. In fact I had walked home enjoying the beautiful New York day, gotten my puppies, and trotted them off to Niko's, my steady lunch spot on Broadway and 76th
street.
What had happened during the mammogram was the following:
First off I could see the picture being viewed from where I was standing at the machine and I immediately saw an area lit up. Next the technicians left the room and when they returned they asked me to step into another examining room. First one of the technicians came back and did an ultra sound, then after she disappeared for a minute, a doctor came in and said how surpised he was at how much the spot he had seen in March had grown. (Had we decided to, we could have made a case of this in itself). I then told him that I supposed he was about to do a biopsy which indeed he said he was.
Now here's the really kooky part.
I was a devote of Guiding Light and had just gone through the whole breast cancer thing with 'Reva' who had of course pulled through after being close to death. I therefore had the biopsy doctor laughing as I told him exactly what I figured would happen to me. When he asked how in the world I knew so much, I told him about Reva's course of treatment on Guiding Light. The actual biopsy taken was painless. He simply shot into my breast like a quick stab and that was that. I then got dressed and left. They said I'd have the results as soon as they came back from the lab.
That week I had dinner with my friend Paula who had had a bout that had turned out to be nothing, but who liked the doctor from NYU Med very much. She gave me her name. I figured I would most likely need a breast cancer doctor sometime soon, so the next day I called to get an appointment there and they said that the doctor could do nothing unless she had the pathology in her hands. Up to this point I only looked at the whole thing as though I had something inside my breast that simply had to be removed and that would be the end of the story. I never never looked at it as though that something would cause my death.
Well I won't bother you with the details of how much it took to discover the lab at which my pathology was, and how only making friends on the phone with a secretary was my means of going over to this lab at Beth Israel hospital and picking it up and hand delivering it to NYU
Med.
Long story short, this first doctor messed up big time...I got a staph infection from the operating room where I had a lumpectomy and she left what they call the 'margins' unclean. Between the doctor and the infection I knew that the only place to go for treatment was Memorial Sloan Kettering. I truly had avoided this hospital as it was where my late husband Barry was treated. But if one has a cancer diagnosis it is the very best place in this country to go as far as I am concerned.
I had a second operation there in November and during the course of my stay they sent me for tests and scans if I had as much as a hang nail, and I had a lot to be looked at---lungs, spine and more. And every department that looks at you reports on the computer immediately so that every doctor involved with your treatment is aware and sees immediatly what's happening with you. Your Medical Oncologist is the 'captain' of your case and there is no need for you to have to do anything. You are truly 'in their hands'. I had several women going through it at the same time I was and we made friends. Some of them were on the same radiation schedule as I...a true sisterhood was formed there.
My point in telling you all this is that taken one step at a time, even with ridiculous complications, it is not a big deal. Yes the residual about it all is that you are left with less strength and energy than you were before the cancer...it took me over two years to get it back. Indeed I had help (especially since I had four dogs to care for) all throughout the process provided by my long term care insurance. But as I said early on: "I'm still here!" At no time did I ever allow myself to think this was a death sentence. I looked at it as though I had this 'to do' at this time and then I'd move on to the next thing I had 'to do'. I was always 'positive'.
If you or an acquaintance get this kind of diagnosis...just say "Oh Shit" now I have to deal with this, so I'll just have to put off my writing or teaching or whatever till sometime later. But know that 'you will get back to it' and crazy as it seems, find a way to enjoy the process. The gab fests we had waiting for the radiation were terrific. So you see there is something fun to be found in everything. The only loss I really had is that Guiding Light went off the air a few weeks ago.
May the Good Lord bless everyone going through this disease and hope that He will guide them through it in the same way as He did me.
Hope you enjoyed the session.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
I was overwhelmed by your beautiful emails to me. I am so very pleased that so many are taking the time to read this blog and that so many of you feel it is enlightening and has enhanced your lives. So you have my very deep appreciation and as a result I am pleased to say "yes, I am indeed still here!"
This being breast cancer month I also felt I should address the fact that I am very much still here three years later. Breast cancer did change me, but it did not kill me, and this is why I believe it did not. This is for all of you gals out there whether you've gone through it or not.
When I got my pre-diagnosis in August of 2006 after I went for a mammogram on Broadway and 57th street in New York City, I remember using the prase "it doesn't faze me' to my kids when I called to tell them. In fact I had walked home enjoying the beautiful New York day, gotten my puppies, and trotted them off to Niko's, my steady lunch spot on Broadway and 76th
street.
What had happened during the mammogram was the following:
First off I could see the picture being viewed from where I was standing at the machine and I immediately saw an area lit up. Next the technicians left the room and when they returned they asked me to step into another examining room. First one of the technicians came back and did an ultra sound, then after she disappeared for a minute, a doctor came in and said how surpised he was at how much the spot he had seen in March had grown. (Had we decided to, we could have made a case of this in itself). I then told him that I supposed he was about to do a biopsy which indeed he said he was.
Now here's the really kooky part.
I was a devote of Guiding Light and had just gone through the whole breast cancer thing with 'Reva' who had of course pulled through after being close to death. I therefore had the biopsy doctor laughing as I told him exactly what I figured would happen to me. When he asked how in the world I knew so much, I told him about Reva's course of treatment on Guiding Light. The actual biopsy taken was painless. He simply shot into my breast like a quick stab and that was that. I then got dressed and left. They said I'd have the results as soon as they came back from the lab.
That week I had dinner with my friend Paula who had had a bout that had turned out to be nothing, but who liked the doctor from NYU Med very much. She gave me her name. I figured I would most likely need a breast cancer doctor sometime soon, so the next day I called to get an appointment there and they said that the doctor could do nothing unless she had the pathology in her hands. Up to this point I only looked at the whole thing as though I had something inside my breast that simply had to be removed and that would be the end of the story. I never never looked at it as though that something would cause my death.
Well I won't bother you with the details of how much it took to discover the lab at which my pathology was, and how only making friends on the phone with a secretary was my means of going over to this lab at Beth Israel hospital and picking it up and hand delivering it to NYU
Med.
Long story short, this first doctor messed up big time...I got a staph infection from the operating room where I had a lumpectomy and she left what they call the 'margins' unclean. Between the doctor and the infection I knew that the only place to go for treatment was Memorial Sloan Kettering. I truly had avoided this hospital as it was where my late husband Barry was treated. But if one has a cancer diagnosis it is the very best place in this country to go as far as I am concerned.
I had a second operation there in November and during the course of my stay they sent me for tests and scans if I had as much as a hang nail, and I had a lot to be looked at---lungs, spine and more. And every department that looks at you reports on the computer immediately so that every doctor involved with your treatment is aware and sees immediatly what's happening with you. Your Medical Oncologist is the 'captain' of your case and there is no need for you to have to do anything. You are truly 'in their hands'. I had several women going through it at the same time I was and we made friends. Some of them were on the same radiation schedule as I...a true sisterhood was formed there.
My point in telling you all this is that taken one step at a time, even with ridiculous complications, it is not a big deal. Yes the residual about it all is that you are left with less strength and energy than you were before the cancer...it took me over two years to get it back. Indeed I had help (especially since I had four dogs to care for) all throughout the process provided by my long term care insurance. But as I said early on: "I'm still here!" At no time did I ever allow myself to think this was a death sentence. I looked at it as though I had this 'to do' at this time and then I'd move on to the next thing I had 'to do'. I was always 'positive'.
If you or an acquaintance get this kind of diagnosis...just say "Oh Shit" now I have to deal with this, so I'll just have to put off my writing or teaching or whatever till sometime later. But know that 'you will get back to it' and crazy as it seems, find a way to enjoy the process. The gab fests we had waiting for the radiation were terrific. So you see there is something fun to be found in everything. The only loss I really had is that Guiding Light went off the air a few weeks ago.
May the Good Lord bless everyone going through this disease and hope that He will guide them through it in the same way as He did me.
Hope you enjoyed the session.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
Sunday, October 4, 2009
A POLLING
TRYING TO GET A BETTER UNDERSTANDING OF WHO IS GETTING AND READING MY BLOG AND WHAT YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO COVER...
PLEASE RESPOND TO ME BY EMAIL----Mscott13@aol.com WITH THE FOLLOWING ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS BELOW:
1--YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS
2---DO YOU RECEIVE MY BLOG THROUGH YOUR EMAIL OR SOME OTHER WAY?
3---IS IT AN ANNOYANCE?
4---DO YOU READ IT?
5---HAS IT BEEN ENLIGHTENING FOR YOU?
6---WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE TAKEN OFF MY LIST?
7---ONE SUBJECT OR MORE YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO ADDRESS
Really appreciate your taking the time to do this...whatever you answer will not affect my relationship with you---so just be honest. Thanks...Dr. Mimi Scott 917-846-2449
PLEASE RESPOND TO ME BY EMAIL----Mscott13@aol.com WITH THE FOLLOWING ANSWERS TO THE QUESTIONS BELOW:
1--YOUR EMAIL ADDRESS
2---DO YOU RECEIVE MY BLOG THROUGH YOUR EMAIL OR SOME OTHER WAY?
3---IS IT AN ANNOYANCE?
4---DO YOU READ IT?
5---HAS IT BEEN ENLIGHTENING FOR YOU?
6---WOULD YOU LIKE TO BE TAKEN OFF MY LIST?
7---ONE SUBJECT OR MORE YOU WOULD LIKE ME TO ADDRESS
Really appreciate your taking the time to do this...whatever you answer will not affect my relationship with you---so just be honest. Thanks...Dr. Mimi Scott 917-846-2449
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