WHERE ARE THE WATCHFUL EYES??

I'll get right to it. This week I watched clips on TV of a 15 year old boy down here who was burned almost to death by five other boys aged 13-15. They poured alcohol on him and then lit him up. The 911 call that somebody made with the boy in the background screaming, when aired was almost too much to listen to.

A friend told me of her grandson's suicide attempt with pills that he had acquired at college so that he could sleep. The 'parties' at the universities aren't just at fraternities---they take place all night every night. I mean the drinking, the smoking of pot and who knows what else, is always there to accompany the loud voices and music. There is little respect for those who just might want to study, or God forbid, go to sleep. It's not uncommon to see the vomit, a result of the drinking, found all around the dorm. On my oldest granddaughter's first night at college a girl was brought out on a stretcher---a victim of date rape. Of course there are always the traditions of running nude here and there around statues or fountains. And if for some strange reason someone doesn't want to participate, they may as well get used to being an outcast with no social life, and down the line, take pills for the depression that the pain of that situation has brought on. To say it's a real dilemma is an understatement.

And of course, we had the balloon drama in Colorado where millions were spent trying to rescue the boy whom they thought was in the balloon over Denver, only to later realize it was a hoax!
I'll bet those parents will somehow be made accountable. But they are not the only ones we should hold accountable.

On my agenda this year is to write a play about domestic violence, or violence in general. As a result I did a lot of interviews this past summer in upstate NY on people I knew who had been caught up in this world as well as the guards at the local jails. There was one theme throughout every single crime and I'm sure you have guessed it...DRUGS. And drugs can be responsible for Wall street crimes as well as those in impoverished neighborhoods. Is anyone keeping an eye on anything???

Where were the parents of these young psychopaths? The victim's family had no health care so there are all sorts of fundraisers being held for this boy's care. How can you not want to donate? However, why aren't the parents of these young murderes responsible for these bills. It's probably impossible, but making parents financially accountable is perhaps one way to reduce these crimes.

Where are the famous RA's in the dorms? Where are parents, teachers, family members at every level who are keeping a watchful eye on those in trouble. It's my business as a therapist to examine what's going on with people. However it must become everyone's 'business' to develop a 'watchfulness' over your siblings, your co-workers, your fellow students, your neighbors, the executives in your life, and yes your own parents.

There are no more boundaries Is it a surprise that every area of our life and our government is 'out of control'? Can we not think about how to get things under control and begin with out own little family? Keep closer contact and know when you see signs that one of the kids, or your brother/sister, or your father or mother is not acting as he or she normally does. Be in close contact with the school (even the college) officials who are relating to your kids every day. Know who their friends are, and know whatever you can about the families of these friends.

People 'clam up' when they are hiding or ashamed about something. If any of your loved ones appears this way, try and get to the bottom of it whatever way you can. Always do whatever you can to KEEP THE LINES OF COMMUNICATION OPEN! Before you decide upon an estrangement (which takes a major toll no matter what---usually on your physical self), exhaust every way you can think to 'reach' this person who means so much. Somehow conveying 'love' usually is the key to unlocking emotions. At any rate before you completely separate yourself, try to leave a door open and at least a sense of amicability.

Oh, and by the way, it's not always easy to express feelings by texting or email. Try that obsolete method of phone calling (best for reception when not on a cell), or better yet, schedule a time to sit face to face with someone...not just 'on the run', but a real eye to eye. Let's try and find those 'watchful eyes' and I don't just mean on a Bernie Madoff, but on our own family members. I'll bet the Madoff boys wish they had done so.

Hope you not only enjoyed this session, but were perhaps a little 'fired up' by it.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449