My last installment spoke of loneliness, however there is a distinction between loneliness and choosing to live alone. One case I know quite well looks at being alone as liberating. No more reliance on another person...taking a delight in doing things for yourself. Choosing the programs or the books that you can look forward to enjoying each day or night.
But having a confidante is the most important ingredient for anyone who chooses to be alone. Even for those who are not alone. A confidante may not be a spouse or a sibling but a wonderful friend who is there to listen to you. One to whom you report when you've returned from doing something special.
Alone is making a choice to either keep busy by making dates for lunch or dinner, or enjoy cuddled on your couch perhaps with your pet. Or you may choose to be on the computer. There is really so much offered other than emailing. You can do a blog, as I am, or you can read whatever newspaper you choose, or investigate any topic you may want. Or you can do what I just did to make yourself feel terrific.
I took a short little drive with my four pups from Hollywood Florida to just outside Albany, New York where my lake house is located. I stopped in NYC for three days and caught up with my wonderful friends which was like getting an adrenaline shot, and then did indeed take a short trip up to the lake. Not only did it make me feel proud of the accomplishment, but I had some real revelations or epiphanies while driving and listening to CD's that for some reason I never have time for in Florida. I heard the Bee Gees, Airsupply and Elvis among others, and I made sure I had the show Les Miserables in my possession by the time I left New York.
Somehow the phrase by the Bee Gees "How can you mend a broken heart?" really got to me. I realized that I had truly suffered a broken heart when my husband of thirty years died at 52. Unfortunately I did not want to deal with those feelings enough at that time...I just desperately wanted someone to 'stitch my heart up'. Now I am feeling the grief as I have never felt it before. I spoke of Barry and still do everyday of my life, but now I am feeling him in a new way. This should have happened years ago because grieving is what allows you to 'move on'. If you do not do it, it tugs at you until you do.
So I am 'doing', but at the same time I am truly enjoying being 'on my own'. Hopefully what I have just said may impact some of you and help you along...that after all is my purpose in writing this. By the way my number at the lakehouse is 518 674-8505 and if you need to talk just call. If you don't reach me at the Lake call my cellphone 917 846-2449---I'll probably be out grocery shopping, but I can still talk even while picking out lettuce!
Dr. Mimi Scott
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