SAY IT NOW!!

The past few days have been quite sobering for me. Watching the funeral proceedings of Ted Kennedy as well as reviewing an obituary being written on my daugter's father in law, Zoltan, known as 'Zip', Zantay.

Senator Kennnedy was obviously so much more than the younger brother who drank, played and suffered the consequence at Chappaquidic. He was that kind of rarity who was truly able to turn his life around and who, in the end, did more for his country's well being than anyone else in his family, or in our country's history it appears. Public figures such as Ted Kennedy are often celebrated along the way as they reach milestones such as a 75th birthday. But how many of us remember to celebrate one another as we travel along life's path. When we prepare obituaries and plan memorials we often realize the impact that the person being immortalized had on us. Such is the case of my daughter's father in law.

Zip Zantay was not just the father of Doug Zantay, my daughter's husband, but a real force in the life of my whole family. Zip and his late wife Ethel ran Camp Deerwood in the Berkshires where, upon a great deal of research, I decided to send my son, Jeffrey at age 10. The following year my daughter Karen, who had been reluctant to go at age 12, decided, at age 13 that she would go as well. By 14 she had lost her heart to the Camp and to the Zantay family, especially Douglas.

It was easy to be charmed by the Zantays. Zip, a tall handsome fellow, was a musician who had played in many Broadway show pits and with several major bands of the era (indeed he met Ethel, a cigarette girl at the Copa Cabanna, while playing there). Zip also taught music throughout the boroughs of New York and Long Island. Indeed, Zip started Camp Deerwood so that his students would not put down their instruments in the summer. On the day of his death he actually enjoyed his daily playing of the clarinet. He was superb at the clarinet, the sax and the flute. His son Douglas is as well, and my granddaughter, Jazz Zantay, received a scholarship to Boston University (where she was delivered, along with her twin sister Koti, today), as a result of her outstanding ability on the flute, a talent that truly was inherited from her grandfather Zip.

I am at peace because in his last days I made a point of calling Zip and letting him know what an influence he had been on our family. He and Ethel had a home on the Lake---we bought a home on a lake. They had boats--we bought a boat. They had horses---we bought and rode horses...and so it went. And now, I do believe, that a grandchild of mine will become well known in the music world because of her grandpa Zip Zantay.

And why do I tell you all this? Because upon death we take time to focus on the achievements of the departed and the impact they had on us. But do we take time to sit back and realize that as we see one another travel through life? And if we do realize all this, do we take time to express it to each other....well before one is taking his or her last breath? If not, then try to rectify that.

Turn to your mates, your kids, your parents, and your friends and tell them how impressed you are with them in terms of what they are doing for themselves and how they are impacting you.
Look beyond all the gripes with mundane issues and "say it now'. We never know when it will be the last conversation with someone. We all know the benefits our kids receive from praise, well so do the 'grown ups'. Let's not wait 'til death do us part' to let those in our lives know what a treasure for us they have been. Do this repeatedly and we'll all live a lot longer, for one feels as joyous giving the praise as does the person receiving it.

Hope you enjoyed today's session.

Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449