How could I address anything else this week? The last week here at my lakehouse outside Albany, New York, all that was on the local news was talk of the 'circus' taking place at the Capitol building here over who should be considered head of the Senate and therefore able to take over the governorship if needed. Then of course, there was the explosion about the loss of two of our icons---Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson...not to dismiss the all time best 'second banana' Ed McMahon.
Since the word was used so continually I looked up some definitions of 'icon'. One equated it with 'idol' and the one I liked best was 'an enduring symbol' I actually have my own definition of 'leader' which I shall address below. But 'icon' really intrigues me. For me Farrah Fawcett was the picture of sweetness and sexuality, no matter how excellent she was in " The Burning Bed" or "Extremities". The image of her as an 'angel' with her hair blowing around her will always be her legacy, just as Marilyn Monroe with the white dress blowing up around her will always be the image I keep of her. Both are icons or 'enduring symbols' for me of female beauty and sexuality.
In terms of Michael Jackson, whose work coined the 'pop icon' phrase I would suggest, we also have an 'enduring symbol' not unlike Elvis Presley. Indeed the mourning here of my granddaughter reminds me of how I was at the time of Elvis Presley's death. We both felt that the music that had reached us and had such an impact on our lives had now gone on to eternity. For it was the body of work that is for us 'the enduring symbol' of musical entertainment. It is the songs and in the case of the latter, the videos as well, that we can listen to over and over again and enjoy and emote for the rest of our lives. Interestingly, no matter what the personal side of each was like, the lyrics of their music spoke of love and goodness.
So in case you've been caught up in the coverage of Michael's weirdness, perversion, drug use and financial cunning, just put on 'Thriller' and no matter how old you are, realize that you can appreciate the greatness of the music, lyrics and dancing of this truly iconic entertainer who will be considered in years to come, an 'enduring symbol' of the music world, just as Leonardo DaVinci is in the art world..and I know absolutely nothing about his personal life. I only know how I felt when I stood looking at the 'Mona Lisa' in Paris.
Regarding our 'leaders' on all levels, what impressed me the most this past week was an article written by Rudy Guiliani in the NY Times. In it he gives specifics about what he can see being done to reconstitute our state government. There are no platitudes in the article, but very ordered instructions as to how we can and should proceed to straighten out what is going on at the New York State Capitol as I write this. He, to me is a 'leader'. He speaks/writes with clarity and specifics. It shows me strengths in the midst of weakness. I really do not care about his personal life. I care about the fact that he very decisively was able to restore us during and after 911...this is his major achievement. These are the qualities I realize I must look for in voting for any 'leader' from Sheriff to President. I no longer am interested in who cheated on their wives the most, but on what they have done in their fields of endeavor to qualify them to 'lead' in any capacity. What have their 'achievements' been? Just to listen to the coverage of the Senators this week really makes me wonder about educational qualifications as well as IQ's. our leaders in the New York State Senate here sound like idiots!! Children sqabbling. I am no longer going to vote right down one side or another, but I am going to try to become very much more aware of the 'achievements' of candidates at every level of government.
I am not dismissing the fact that personal actions and behavior speak of character which is still an important consideration. But before we 'sit in judgement', let us remember the biblical reminder "he who is without sin, let him cast the first stone".
Thanks for reading and letting me speak my peace. I will look forward to your emails with your own various points of view. Maybe it will be fodder for next week's blog when I hope to have an interesting annoucement for you all (no I'm not pregnant!). Have a good week.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Sunday, June 28, 2009
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Scary Diagnosis
This past week I went to see an orthopedic doctor to look at my 'backside' as I had slid down wet stairs the Friday before. I never saw soooo much purple covering my body! A young doctor in the practice had xrays taken and found something that upset him on my hip---so he had more pictures taken. He came back into the exam room to tell me that he was pretty sure it was metastatic breast cancer that had manifested in my hip. He did think he should show the xrays to his partner however, who told him he thought whatever it was, was benign...so this young fellow decided just to set me up with some scans before doing anything else. The MRI proved totally benign and just 'because' I am going for a bone scan this Monday. I now have new respect for aging physicians.
I write about this because it brought back memories of my initial breast cancer diagnosis and I thought I would share the thoughts that 'got me through' at that time, for anyone in receipt of this who is going through something equally scary or who has a relative going through something.
First upon learning of a cancer diagnosis it is important to tell yourself and others that this is not a 'death' sentence and that there is no way you are going to die. Once that thought is in your head, you can proceed to all sorts of decisions. What physician do you want; where do you want to be throughout treatment, and above all what hospital do you want to be at. My family want me to write a review for Zagat of all New York City hospitals since during my sixteen years there I spent time in every single one of them! However, most were for simple procedures (ie: rotator cuffs in each arm at two different hospitals). Bad memories with my beloved husband initially kept me from going to Memorial Sloan Kettering, but after a bad experience at NYU Med, I realized that when it comes to cancer---you cannot do better than Memorial Sloan Kettering. Indeed as it took quite awhile for the MRI results to become official this past week, I was reminded how unbelieveably well Sloan Kettering works. As soon as you become affiliated with them you are given an ID card (just like a credit card). Once in the computer, this card is used for every single visit to the hospital you might make. There is no waiting whatsoever for results of anything. If you have a scan set up for 10:00AM, you have an appointment at 10:20AM with the doctor who ordered the scan as he or she already has your results via the computer. The entire hospital is like a small city and they are on top of everything about you every single second.
Even in the best medical hands however, you still have more decisions. Will your treatment require you to have help to take care of yourself, or can you pretty much go through it on your own. BE AS INDEPENDENT AS YOU CAN BE FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN BE is the best advice I have for anyone. Somehow it keeps you from becoming dependent (I know---I actually lost 'myself' a bit as I had help from wonderful people, but for far too long). Equally important is to make the decision to stay in touch with those who care. Just their calls to you can make a big difference in your recovery. I am sure that my classmates from Albany High School who made calls to me definitely kept a smile on my face and sped up my recovery.
Most important however is to focus throughout on something you love. Sometimes a job keeps you so busy you don't have time to fret, however, often you do. I happen to love everything theatrical. In the past years this love has manifested in writing theatre rather than producing, directing or acting in it as I have done throughout my life. If any energy exists during treatment---use it. Garden, write, listen to music, do the reading you've not 'had time for', create things, or just enjoy the computer. While waiting for my results this week, I focused totally on working with my composer, Adam, who fortunately only had these particular days to work with me. I do not think there is anything that I enjoy doing more than putting my lyrics to music---so this week I was totally provided with the 'something' I love to do.
Finally--keep imagining yourself doing and being whatever you totally enjoy wherever that might be. I knew that if this turned out to be 'anything' this past week, I would take myself right back to Sloan. I therefore would be staying in NYC. I really love my life in Florida, and while I have some of the most beloved people in my life living in NYC, I only kept seeing myself living and thriving back in Florida. I guess it worked!
With it all--keep up a dialogue with the good Lord, and with all those watching out for you 'upstairs'. Nothing beats prayer.
Hope this is helpful--keep the emails coming to let me know-- and if you know anyone who needs an ear---I'm 'still' right here.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
I write about this because it brought back memories of my initial breast cancer diagnosis and I thought I would share the thoughts that 'got me through' at that time, for anyone in receipt of this who is going through something equally scary or who has a relative going through something.
First upon learning of a cancer diagnosis it is important to tell yourself and others that this is not a 'death' sentence and that there is no way you are going to die. Once that thought is in your head, you can proceed to all sorts of decisions. What physician do you want; where do you want to be throughout treatment, and above all what hospital do you want to be at. My family want me to write a review for Zagat of all New York City hospitals since during my sixteen years there I spent time in every single one of them! However, most were for simple procedures (ie: rotator cuffs in each arm at two different hospitals). Bad memories with my beloved husband initially kept me from going to Memorial Sloan Kettering, but after a bad experience at NYU Med, I realized that when it comes to cancer---you cannot do better than Memorial Sloan Kettering. Indeed as it took quite awhile for the MRI results to become official this past week, I was reminded how unbelieveably well Sloan Kettering works. As soon as you become affiliated with them you are given an ID card (just like a credit card). Once in the computer, this card is used for every single visit to the hospital you might make. There is no waiting whatsoever for results of anything. If you have a scan set up for 10:00AM, you have an appointment at 10:20AM with the doctor who ordered the scan as he or she already has your results via the computer. The entire hospital is like a small city and they are on top of everything about you every single second.
Even in the best medical hands however, you still have more decisions. Will your treatment require you to have help to take care of yourself, or can you pretty much go through it on your own. BE AS INDEPENDENT AS YOU CAN BE FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN BE is the best advice I have for anyone. Somehow it keeps you from becoming dependent (I know---I actually lost 'myself' a bit as I had help from wonderful people, but for far too long). Equally important is to make the decision to stay in touch with those who care. Just their calls to you can make a big difference in your recovery. I am sure that my classmates from Albany High School who made calls to me definitely kept a smile on my face and sped up my recovery.
Most important however is to focus throughout on something you love. Sometimes a job keeps you so busy you don't have time to fret, however, often you do. I happen to love everything theatrical. In the past years this love has manifested in writing theatre rather than producing, directing or acting in it as I have done throughout my life. If any energy exists during treatment---use it. Garden, write, listen to music, do the reading you've not 'had time for', create things, or just enjoy the computer. While waiting for my results this week, I focused totally on working with my composer, Adam, who fortunately only had these particular days to work with me. I do not think there is anything that I enjoy doing more than putting my lyrics to music---so this week I was totally provided with the 'something' I love to do.
Finally--keep imagining yourself doing and being whatever you totally enjoy wherever that might be. I knew that if this turned out to be 'anything' this past week, I would take myself right back to Sloan. I therefore would be staying in NYC. I really love my life in Florida, and while I have some of the most beloved people in my life living in NYC, I only kept seeing myself living and thriving back in Florida. I guess it worked!
With it all--keep up a dialogue with the good Lord, and with all those watching out for you 'upstairs'. Nothing beats prayer.
Hope this is helpful--keep the emails coming to let me know-- and if you know anyone who needs an ear---I'm 'still' right here.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Dysfunction or Disappointed Expectations?
I used to joke that I'd like to do a group for 'functional' families, but didn't think there would be any family around left to participate. 'Dysfunctional' got to be the norm---whose family isn't? But what constitutes dysfunction? My understanding is that a person becomes dysfunctional when he or she is no longer able to 'function'-- specifically in a job or in a relationship. Something has become such an addiction (ie: alcohol) that one's job or one's all important relationship is in jeopardy. But addictions are not only alcohol, drugs, etc. An addiction can also be to what is known as 'disappointed expectations' or DA.
How often throughout a day are we 'let down'? Well if we suffer from an addiction to DA that can be pretty frequent. How many of us have almost died when it looks like our 'hard drive' may be collapsing. (I remember years ago taking the whole damn office I had in the dogs' cart to Staples where I had bought everything, in order to pray that they would save me--and they did.) Everyday we suffer DA when some one or other of our electronic devices let us down. But of course it's not just from our electronics that we suffer, but sometimes there are live people who 'let us down'. They have the nerve not to do what we EXPECT of them!!
As parents it is part of our MO to suffer from DA. And that addiction can also be the root for all future adults who suffer from DA. If a kid doesn't live up to a parent's 'expectations' no matter how large or how small, he or she is going to be 'screwed' up--we all know that. But do we also realize that if we're screwed up as parents, how can we 'expect' our kids to be sane? I mean if we whine--we have to realize that our kids are going to become a 'kvetch'. That's just the way things work.
The struggle in parenting as well as in a relationship is to constantly examine if our expectations are reasonable. Were we wrong to 'expect' that this marriage would be free of physical abuse?? Hello??? Is it asking too much to expect our kids to maybe make a bed? I dunno, I mean they do have a lot more homework today.
Do you think it is reasonable to 'expect' an hour of real work from an employee a day, or must we consider that she is having a real boyfriend problem and let her spend most of the time in her office on the phone? And how about our friends? Is it really worth it to expect them to never disappoint us? But is the disappointment reasonable? Maybe it is, and maybe it is just too great to continue the friendship. Or maybe it's an example of one of those 'let it go' situations we recently discussed where it is better to 'let it go' and lose the battle but win the war. Or maybe it is of such magnitude that we should actually go to war over it---I mean all those countries were once our 'friends' weren't they?
I guess what I'm saying is that it might be a good idea to continually examine our expectations before we become a DA addict and make that kind of contribution to the 'dysfunctional' world we are already a part of. Just a thought.
Hope you enjoyed the session. Today's topic was in response to a suggestion...if any of you have some for me---please do not hesitate to send them to me.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
How often throughout a day are we 'let down'? Well if we suffer from an addiction to DA that can be pretty frequent. How many of us have almost died when it looks like our 'hard drive' may be collapsing. (I remember years ago taking the whole damn office I had in the dogs' cart to Staples where I had bought everything, in order to pray that they would save me--and they did.) Everyday we suffer DA when some one or other of our electronic devices let us down. But of course it's not just from our electronics that we suffer, but sometimes there are live people who 'let us down'. They have the nerve not to do what we EXPECT of them!!
As parents it is part of our MO to suffer from DA. And that addiction can also be the root for all future adults who suffer from DA. If a kid doesn't live up to a parent's 'expectations' no matter how large or how small, he or she is going to be 'screwed' up--we all know that. But do we also realize that if we're screwed up as parents, how can we 'expect' our kids to be sane? I mean if we whine--we have to realize that our kids are going to become a 'kvetch'. That's just the way things work.
The struggle in parenting as well as in a relationship is to constantly examine if our expectations are reasonable. Were we wrong to 'expect' that this marriage would be free of physical abuse?? Hello??? Is it asking too much to expect our kids to maybe make a bed? I dunno, I mean they do have a lot more homework today.
Do you think it is reasonable to 'expect' an hour of real work from an employee a day, or must we consider that she is having a real boyfriend problem and let her spend most of the time in her office on the phone? And how about our friends? Is it really worth it to expect them to never disappoint us? But is the disappointment reasonable? Maybe it is, and maybe it is just too great to continue the friendship. Or maybe it's an example of one of those 'let it go' situations we recently discussed where it is better to 'let it go' and lose the battle but win the war. Or maybe it is of such magnitude that we should actually go to war over it---I mean all those countries were once our 'friends' weren't they?
I guess what I'm saying is that it might be a good idea to continually examine our expectations before we become a DA addict and make that kind of contribution to the 'dysfunctional' world we are already a part of. Just a thought.
Hope you enjoyed the session. Today's topic was in response to a suggestion...if any of you have some for me---please do not hesitate to send them to me.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Sunday, June 7, 2009
THE IMPORTANCE OF STAYING CONNECTED
When my late husband Barry and I were young marrieds sitting in the backseat of my parents' car my father made the statement that if you make one friend in life you can consider yourself a rich person. Barry and I looked at each other, actually while laughing, and said simultaneously "then we must be loaded!". After all we had friends coming out of the woodwork. We had all our friends from high school and some with whom we kept in touch from college, some from business, some from the neighborhood, and already a number from theatrical productions. However as we traveled through this life, even before his death, Barry and I realized how 'right on' my father had been.
A real friend is a treasure and is someone to be treasured. If you reach that certain age where you can say you have one friend, be it a spouse, a sibling, a child, a parent, or maybe your next door neighbor, you can indeed consider yourself blessed. Sadly many people never really get that in life. I believe a treasured friend is someone you must work hard to cultivate. Mainly it takes 'being there' by 'staying connected'.
If you love this friend who's become a part of your life...let him or her know it. Try to remember their important dates and events so you can 'check in' when they occur. But much more important is to really 'listen' to them. If you can provide this kind of friendship, it is likely the favor will be returned. When you 'need to talk' and to have someone who can really be honest with you regarding what you are saying, and there is one person who immediately comes to mind, that person is there because you have 'been there' for him or her as well. To have a friend, one must 'be a friend'.
In order to keep friends who may become these jewels, you really have to stay connected. Find times and places to spend time together, whether close by or far away. A long distance relationship is better than none, but you really need that 'face to face' or 'one on one' contact for nourishment occasionally.
There is no question that a friend is someone who is there when you've had a loss--however the kind of friend about whom I've been referring, remains on hand well after that loss. Friends have a way of being there when the 'chips are down'
but this kind of friend is there when you have occasion to celebrate as well. That is much more rare actually. Friends are there when you are ill, but when you get better is when you may need them even more.
It is amazing how important these friends are when you travel through crossroads in life, as I recently have. You simply 'get through' largely because of these 'friends'. I have been blessed beyond reason. And I cannot help mentioning as I sit writing this with the Tony's on TV, that there is something so very special about the friends you make who share your passion whatever it may be. People who come to know you this way probably know you best---you just kind of 'get' each other.
So make sure as you may 'move on' from these friends or any other friends, that you remain 'in touch'.
Stay connected---work at it---the benefits are truly worth it. A friend not only keeps you 'rich', but with just one--you are never alone. Now go call whomever you've been neglecting.
Hope these sessions are of help...your emails indicate they are. I thank you.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
visit me at; www.drmimiscott.com
A real friend is a treasure and is someone to be treasured. If you reach that certain age where you can say you have one friend, be it a spouse, a sibling, a child, a parent, or maybe your next door neighbor, you can indeed consider yourself blessed. Sadly many people never really get that in life. I believe a treasured friend is someone you must work hard to cultivate. Mainly it takes 'being there' by 'staying connected'.
If you love this friend who's become a part of your life...let him or her know it. Try to remember their important dates and events so you can 'check in' when they occur. But much more important is to really 'listen' to them. If you can provide this kind of friendship, it is likely the favor will be returned. When you 'need to talk' and to have someone who can really be honest with you regarding what you are saying, and there is one person who immediately comes to mind, that person is there because you have 'been there' for him or her as well. To have a friend, one must 'be a friend'.
In order to keep friends who may become these jewels, you really have to stay connected. Find times and places to spend time together, whether close by or far away. A long distance relationship is better than none, but you really need that 'face to face' or 'one on one' contact for nourishment occasionally.
There is no question that a friend is someone who is there when you've had a loss--however the kind of friend about whom I've been referring, remains on hand well after that loss. Friends have a way of being there when the 'chips are down'
but this kind of friend is there when you have occasion to celebrate as well. That is much more rare actually. Friends are there when you are ill, but when you get better is when you may need them even more.
It is amazing how important these friends are when you travel through crossroads in life, as I recently have. You simply 'get through' largely because of these 'friends'. I have been blessed beyond reason. And I cannot help mentioning as I sit writing this with the Tony's on TV, that there is something so very special about the friends you make who share your passion whatever it may be. People who come to know you this way probably know you best---you just kind of 'get' each other.
So make sure as you may 'move on' from these friends or any other friends, that you remain 'in touch'.
Stay connected---work at it---the benefits are truly worth it. A friend not only keeps you 'rich', but with just one--you are never alone. Now go call whomever you've been neglecting.
Hope these sessions are of help...your emails indicate they are. I thank you.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
visit me at; www.drmimiscott.com
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)