Sunday, July 26, 2009
TRANSITIONING
As we head toward the Fall and all that that season brings, most people find themselves in some kind of transition. It is not just the kids returning to school. or the college students beginning or continuing their program of study, but all of us renewing ourselves in some way when Fall arrives and brings, especially for Jewish people who celebrate the New Year, a sense of beginnings. I've been out of school for some time now, but my calendar is still spoken of in terms of semesters.
Whether you're letting go of an old apartment for a new one, or an old job for a new one, or an old teacher for a new one, or a relationship for something or someone else, or an old nest of family for a new venture---you're in transition. And while there can be a good deal of pain involved, it truly helps to see whatever it is you're transitioning to as a new opportunity.
I had a great deal of time to think about all this as I 'transitioned' from a lake home which I've had since 1982 in upstate New York, to my home of almost two years in Hollywood, Florida. My lake home was filled with children, grandchildren and all their friends who are now 'college kids'---while my Florida home is filled with me and my beloved 4 puppies. I had a lot of time to reflect on all this as I drove, leaving Saturday mornng from the lake, staying overnight in North Carolina, and arriving Sunday night at 9:30pm in Florida. While I'm at it, let me offer what I can about driving that length alone with 4 dogs in a small Toyota Scion.
First I was blessed with two beautiful days...until 50 miles above my destination when I ran into a huge downpour. Other than that it was smooth. My daughter had made sure that I had a really easy to understand Garmin, and it was truly a time saver! It saved me hours from traffic around Washington DC. I strongly suggest getting one of these not only for long distance trips, but for finding the most effiecient way to get any place. I only had one lengthy phone conversation which I don't advise. It can be just too distracting, and everytime I turn my head while driving I'm sorry I did---so I focus straight ahead!
We stopped only for gas, at which point the pups were given water (which I kept
in the big cooler I brought) along with their treats. I then used the Ladies room and we took a five minute walk around each station. After that it was back into the car where my cooler also contained snacks, food and drinks for myself. I removed whatever I needed for the next stretch, and kept it on the dash board so that I could reach it easily. I had the CD's in the pocket of the Driver's seat so that all I had to do was reach down and take one from the front of the pile as I changed them continually. My advice to anyone--plan your music ahead for the trip. Each show I played brought back memories. I sang every word along with Ethel as I played GYPSY, and all the music (none of it today's) was thought provoking for me. Doing all this made the time fly.
The memories of course were mainly of my life with my late husband Barry and our wonderful two children. I had moved to New York City alone after Barry's early death in 1991, and spent 16 extraordinary years there, but what I will always consider the essence of my life was the family part of it. Now it is time for my children and their children to collect all the memories, because as I travelled I realized that it was, maybe not the very last one, but yet another major transition in my life. I was leaving an old home, and returning to my new home. In many ways I was sad, but in just as many ways I became excited about the new opportunities that lay ahead for me.
My point is that transitions are felt, not just by the young and the empty nesters (now there's a really tough transition), but by seniors of all ages as well. My thought is to treasure the good memories. Dwell on them when you can---it's good for the soul, and eliminate the bad from your focus. Truly look forward to what you can do to make this latest transition the happiest and the most productive.
Hope you enjoyed the session.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
954 926-0133
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Sunday, July 12, 2009
GETTING PAST DESPAIR
Has anyone out there experienced sitting in a room, an apartment or a house filled with people, and feeling totally alone? When it feels forced to put on the smile that is usually associated with your face? When to socialize is actually painful for you who are normally an outgoing person? Well, don't think you are alone with this experience, because you are not. (Do I not sound like one of those commercials for anti-depressents?) I believe that most people experience this...we just don't know it.
How can someone who has just discovered a close relative is terminal want to go out and 'act' happy? How can someone whose spouse has lost a job want to go out and party? My first suggestion is don't even try. Some in the profession vehemently disagree. I believe that you have the right to take time out and to let yourself be depressed. I also, depending upon the severity, believe that a professional should be seen and that medication may indeed be in order. When someone in the house is 'depressed' it can be a real downer for everyone else. The instinct is to tell them all the good things about their lives in the hope that they will 'see the light' and stop being 'depressed'. That is not always the right route to take. If one ignores the depression that they are feeling and does not take the time to 'be depressed', it may pull at them until one day the depression is much more severe for having waited to deal with it.
As a student I was told that the Jewish tradition of 'sitting shiva' following a death is actually a very healthy thing to do. It forces the family to take time away from going back to work, or attending that meeting, or keeping the golf date. They are simply 'sitting' with the purpose being to think about the loss and to allow others to say whatever will comfort, or even put a smile on their face. Most people however believe that it is important to keep going no matter what is or is not happening or no matter how you are feeling. Some professionals will tell you to simply 'fight your way through it'. I disagree. What I think people want to hear is that they have a right to feel the way they do and that they deserve the permission to take time out, but time out with a deadline.
How you get past the despair may be determined by what you do with your 'time out'. Prayer works wonders. Crying cleanses. Physical activity keeps the body going, and enjoying music, writing, reading or just watching a good sitcom may all get you going again. Focusing on starting something you have always loved to do such as writing a new song, may get you going as well. Ultimatly, the best way to deal with your despair may simply be to talk about it. One wonderful friend whom you can trust is often the absolute best therapy. If you don't have that one person...start cultivating that kind of confidante. In the end it's what beats all other approaches to getting past despair.
Next week's blog may be delayed as I will be 'on the road again' returning to Florida. So hang in there,,,and don't hang yourself! I'm always here for you.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
How can someone who has just discovered a close relative is terminal want to go out and 'act' happy? How can someone whose spouse has lost a job want to go out and party? My first suggestion is don't even try. Some in the profession vehemently disagree. I believe that you have the right to take time out and to let yourself be depressed. I also, depending upon the severity, believe that a professional should be seen and that medication may indeed be in order. When someone in the house is 'depressed' it can be a real downer for everyone else. The instinct is to tell them all the good things about their lives in the hope that they will 'see the light' and stop being 'depressed'. That is not always the right route to take. If one ignores the depression that they are feeling and does not take the time to 'be depressed', it may pull at them until one day the depression is much more severe for having waited to deal with it.
As a student I was told that the Jewish tradition of 'sitting shiva' following a death is actually a very healthy thing to do. It forces the family to take time away from going back to work, or attending that meeting, or keeping the golf date. They are simply 'sitting' with the purpose being to think about the loss and to allow others to say whatever will comfort, or even put a smile on their face. Most people however believe that it is important to keep going no matter what is or is not happening or no matter how you are feeling. Some professionals will tell you to simply 'fight your way through it'. I disagree. What I think people want to hear is that they have a right to feel the way they do and that they deserve the permission to take time out, but time out with a deadline.
How you get past the despair may be determined by what you do with your 'time out'. Prayer works wonders. Crying cleanses. Physical activity keeps the body going, and enjoying music, writing, reading or just watching a good sitcom may all get you going again. Focusing on starting something you have always loved to do such as writing a new song, may get you going as well. Ultimatly, the best way to deal with your despair may simply be to talk about it. One wonderful friend whom you can trust is often the absolute best therapy. If you don't have that one person...start cultivating that kind of confidante. In the end it's what beats all other approaches to getting past despair.
Next week's blog may be delayed as I will be 'on the road again' returning to Florida. So hang in there,,,and don't hang yourself! I'm always here for you.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Sunday, July 5, 2009
TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN...
Hope everyone had a happy 4th of July. Where I am the 4th has always been an amazing experience. From the time we found a lake home here on Burden Lake in upstate New York when my kids were teenagers, there has always been a mob here on the 4th. This is mainly because we, as well as everyone around the lake, had great fireworks. As the kids got older the fireworks got more and more professional...one year a friend of my son who was a pyrotechnician took charge of the whole thing.
Now my kids are grown and their kids are either in college, entering college or will be in the next year or two. All my grandchildren and their friends and our neighbor's kids found their way here yesterday. Some have recently gotten engaged, others are falling in love, and others have little else on their minds then the boating, waterskiing, tubing, trampoline jumping, and computer games that were all taking place. The scene is a very different one now...including the fact that there are no more fireworks--too much trouble and money. I didn't see the little kids anymore, I saw young adults going out into the world. And I'm acutely aware of the choices they will have to make, especially at this moment in time.
In conjunction with my time spent here I have been trying to frame a new play with music about domestic violence. I have done several interviews in order to get a sense of cause, and this week I plan to visit the county jail. Actually a Guard there was here yesterday and we talked. One theme comes up througout every discussion of any kind...drugs, drugs, drugs, access to guns and more drugs. In addition I was amazed to find out how many inmates use the system to further their ability to get drugs. No home where their is a relationship to anyone dealing drugs can be without a gun for protection. And this scene is not limited to the 'inner city'. We're talking weed(marijuana),smack(heroine), crack(laced cocaine),ice(chrystal meth)and pills--of every sort. And always alcohol...no one does any of the above without alcohol use. It is not just welfare kids who are faced with this phenomenon...it is high school and college students, lawyers, doctors, entertainers----all of us. Everyone on medication at any age for anything also must make choices. "Do I drink and drive home?" "Can I have something with the medicine I'm already on?" With overuse of any of the above listed, and a gun nearby, peppered with anger from all our stress---BANG! Another tragedy.
This is what those beautiful young adults are being faced with. To 'use', to 'party', to 'drink' and on and on and on. Certainly more pervasively than when I went to school. It appears to be the most common way to socialize. The good news is that I was able to glean hope from these kids who are all completely aware of that which I've been outlining and who still give me a sense that they possess an inner strenth and value system that will hopefully see them through this all important life 'choice'. Lord knows they will have so many more 'choices' as our world gets more and more difficult to navigate. What one of my beauties had to say was that the main thing is 'to be who you are" I like to think she meant "to be strong enough to be who you are". If you have a value system that doesn't 'value' these things, and if you have certain goals set for yourself---you have to be able to say "no". After all, they told me, "no one is shoving it down your throat". In fact I learned that other kids who make the choice to do these things do not disrespect those who decline. They just kind of say "whatever...more for me". And one young 'inner city'
girl I interviewed last week who has two brothers in prison, told me "parties aren't everything--I saw what happened to my brothers and I'm concentrating on my step dancing, not goin to 'parties'!"
I have no definitive answer here today...just thoughts that I wanted to share because I believe our primary war should be fought on the terrorism of the drug culture that is killing us faster than any other kind of the terrorism.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
Now my kids are grown and their kids are either in college, entering college or will be in the next year or two. All my grandchildren and their friends and our neighbor's kids found their way here yesterday. Some have recently gotten engaged, others are falling in love, and others have little else on their minds then the boating, waterskiing, tubing, trampoline jumping, and computer games that were all taking place. The scene is a very different one now...including the fact that there are no more fireworks--too much trouble and money. I didn't see the little kids anymore, I saw young adults going out into the world. And I'm acutely aware of the choices they will have to make, especially at this moment in time.
In conjunction with my time spent here I have been trying to frame a new play with music about domestic violence. I have done several interviews in order to get a sense of cause, and this week I plan to visit the county jail. Actually a Guard there was here yesterday and we talked. One theme comes up througout every discussion of any kind...drugs, drugs, drugs, access to guns and more drugs. In addition I was amazed to find out how many inmates use the system to further their ability to get drugs. No home where their is a relationship to anyone dealing drugs can be without a gun for protection. And this scene is not limited to the 'inner city'. We're talking weed(marijuana),smack(heroine), crack(laced cocaine),ice(chrystal meth)and pills--of every sort. And always alcohol...no one does any of the above without alcohol use. It is not just welfare kids who are faced with this phenomenon...it is high school and college students, lawyers, doctors, entertainers----all of us. Everyone on medication at any age for anything also must make choices. "Do I drink and drive home?" "Can I have something with the medicine I'm already on?" With overuse of any of the above listed, and a gun nearby, peppered with anger from all our stress---BANG! Another tragedy.
This is what those beautiful young adults are being faced with. To 'use', to 'party', to 'drink' and on and on and on. Certainly more pervasively than when I went to school. It appears to be the most common way to socialize. The good news is that I was able to glean hope from these kids who are all completely aware of that which I've been outlining and who still give me a sense that they possess an inner strenth and value system that will hopefully see them through this all important life 'choice'. Lord knows they will have so many more 'choices' as our world gets more and more difficult to navigate. What one of my beauties had to say was that the main thing is 'to be who you are" I like to think she meant "to be strong enough to be who you are". If you have a value system that doesn't 'value' these things, and if you have certain goals set for yourself---you have to be able to say "no". After all, they told me, "no one is shoving it down your throat". In fact I learned that other kids who make the choice to do these things do not disrespect those who decline. They just kind of say "whatever...more for me". And one young 'inner city'
girl I interviewed last week who has two brothers in prison, told me "parties aren't everything--I saw what happened to my brothers and I'm concentrating on my step dancing, not goin to 'parties'!"
I have no definitive answer here today...just thoughts that I wanted to share because I believe our primary war should be fought on the terrorism of the drug culture that is killing us faster than any other kind of the terrorism.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
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