The past few days have been quite sobering for me. Watching the funeral proceedings of Ted Kennedy as well as reviewing an obituary being written on my daugter's father in law, Zoltan, known as 'Zip', Zantay.
Senator Kennnedy was obviously so much more than the younger brother who drank, played and suffered the consequence at Chappaquidic. He was that kind of rarity who was truly able to turn his life around and who, in the end, did more for his country's well being than anyone else in his family, or in our country's history it appears. Public figures such as Ted Kennedy are often celebrated along the way as they reach milestones such as a 75th birthday. But how many of us remember to celebrate one another as we travel along life's path. When we prepare obituaries and plan memorials we often realize the impact that the person being immortalized had on us. Such is the case of my daughter's father in law.
Zip Zantay was not just the father of Doug Zantay, my daughter's husband, but a real force in the life of my whole family. Zip and his late wife Ethel ran Camp Deerwood in the Berkshires where, upon a great deal of research, I decided to send my son, Jeffrey at age 10. The following year my daughter Karen, who had been reluctant to go at age 12, decided, at age 13 that she would go as well. By 14 she had lost her heart to the Camp and to the Zantay family, especially Douglas.
It was easy to be charmed by the Zantays. Zip, a tall handsome fellow, was a musician who had played in many Broadway show pits and with several major bands of the era (indeed he met Ethel, a cigarette girl at the Copa Cabanna, while playing there). Zip also taught music throughout the boroughs of New York and Long Island. Indeed, Zip started Camp Deerwood so that his students would not put down their instruments in the summer. On the day of his death he actually enjoyed his daily playing of the clarinet. He was superb at the clarinet, the sax and the flute. His son Douglas is as well, and my granddaughter, Jazz Zantay, received a scholarship to Boston University (where she was delivered, along with her twin sister Koti, today), as a result of her outstanding ability on the flute, a talent that truly was inherited from her grandfather Zip.
I am at peace because in his last days I made a point of calling Zip and letting him know what an influence he had been on our family. He and Ethel had a home on the Lake---we bought a home on a lake. They had boats--we bought a boat. They had horses---we bought and rode horses...and so it went. And now, I do believe, that a grandchild of mine will become well known in the music world because of her grandpa Zip Zantay.
And why do I tell you all this? Because upon death we take time to focus on the achievements of the departed and the impact they had on us. But do we take time to sit back and realize that as we see one another travel through life? And if we do realize all this, do we take time to express it to each other....well before one is taking his or her last breath? If not, then try to rectify that.
Turn to your mates, your kids, your parents, and your friends and tell them how impressed you are with them in terms of what they are doing for themselves and how they are impacting you.
Look beyond all the gripes with mundane issues and "say it now'. We never know when it will be the last conversation with someone. We all know the benefits our kids receive from praise, well so do the 'grown ups'. Let's not wait 'til death do us part' to let those in our lives know what a treasure for us they have been. Do this repeatedly and we'll all live a lot longer, for one feels as joyous giving the praise as does the person receiving it.
Hope you enjoyed today's session.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
Sunday, August 30, 2009
Sunday, August 23, 2009
MINDFULNESS
When it first opened I somehow found my way to the famous Miraval Spa outside
Tucson, Arizona. What I remember most about my wonderful week there, was the theme of 'mindfulness' that was talked about, lectured about, and discussed throughout my stay. Still I came back to New York and on to Florida, and while perhaps somewhat more sensitive to the world around me, I continued to miss the meaning of so many things that I saw and heard. Only with my patients was I truly listening, hearing and searching for meaning on many levels. As to myself, I was often not paying close attention and therefore not being as 'mindful'. This week it took a real 'jolt' to remind me of what it means to be 'mindful'.
Without going in to my reasons I was about to break a rule upon which I expounded when I first started writing this blog...seeing someone whom I had repeatedly found was not healthy for me in terms of a relationship. He had wanted me to see his new apartment and to have dinner with him this past Friday.
The omens began on Thursday. Somehow in thinking about my mother I heard a voice say "watch out!". Now that you're convinced I am totally whacko, let me explain about this level of 'mindfulness'. I believe everyone can become psychic if they take 'mindfulness' to its extreme. If one really looks to the heavens and concentrates on someone who has gone, or on something about which they wish for a resolution, my experience is that messages do indeed come. And if one pays full attention to these messages, they will be guided. The irony is that the answers I have always received are usually answers that are 'right in front of my nose' had I actually been looking. If they were missed it is because I wasn't being 'mindful' or 'paying attention' to that which I was seeing and hearing.
To continue regarding the omens (or messages) I was receiving, yet unwilling to truly 'see', I bumped into a woman Friday morning who does work as a psychic (in fact she has worked here with the police department in solving some murder cases). Once before she had done a tarot card reading for me and I was amazed as to how 'right on' she had been. So feeling the way I was regarding this situation, I asked her to read the cards for me, and sure enough the advice was the same I had chosen months ago---divorce yourself!
Later on that day for some odd reason I could not type on this computer. All the letters were coming out as a mixture of numbers and letters. I was truly 'freaked out'.
Finally, all my building staff whom I informed as to what I was about to do, pleaded with me not to do this, and one store owner /friend with whom I spend a lot of time (and money) said he would 'divorce' me if I saw this person! Still I called for my car at 5:30pm and was going to see him. I was one block south of the park on which my building stands, and about the 4th car in line for a red light. I had just stopped when all of a sudden BANG!!! I was thrust forward as something had crashed into the back of my car! I put my car in 'park' and got out. There lying on the ground was a young man of about 25 bleeding on top of his motor cycle. When he saw me he kept repeating how sorry he was and that it was his fault not mine.
The police were on the scene immediately as they had seen the whole thing. They moved us and our vehicles both into a lot and asked me if I was all right. My head was indeed spinning, but I felt it was due not only to the impact, but the stress of the whole ordeal. I was truly shaken, moreso than I had ever been in any kind of accident. The poor fellow however, had blood coming out of his nostrils, gashes on his face, and the bridge of his nose was totally blue. My car did not look like some I've seen where the back end is totally smashed, but I'm sure the damage will be a couple thousand dollars to fix at least (of course I'm insured). The fellow was not wearing a helmet; was not driving his own cycle, and of course had no insurance!
Late that night a computer expert/security guard informed me about the 'number lock' key which when inadvertently hit will totally screw up your computer's key board!
The moral for me and for everyone reading this is of course is to TRUST/LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS, VOICES, whatever. Be MINDFUL at all times. Don't be stubborn...and realize that there are many souls trying to protect you if you just have faith and concentrate. Otherwise they might have to literally 'hit you over the head' to convince you. I simply told my 'ex' that it just wasn't 'in the cards' for us!
Hope you enjoyed this session...and til next week WATCH OUT!
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
Tucson, Arizona. What I remember most about my wonderful week there, was the theme of 'mindfulness' that was talked about, lectured about, and discussed throughout my stay. Still I came back to New York and on to Florida, and while perhaps somewhat more sensitive to the world around me, I continued to miss the meaning of so many things that I saw and heard. Only with my patients was I truly listening, hearing and searching for meaning on many levels. As to myself, I was often not paying close attention and therefore not being as 'mindful'. This week it took a real 'jolt' to remind me of what it means to be 'mindful'.
Without going in to my reasons I was about to break a rule upon which I expounded when I first started writing this blog...seeing someone whom I had repeatedly found was not healthy for me in terms of a relationship. He had wanted me to see his new apartment and to have dinner with him this past Friday.
The omens began on Thursday. Somehow in thinking about my mother I heard a voice say "watch out!". Now that you're convinced I am totally whacko, let me explain about this level of 'mindfulness'. I believe everyone can become psychic if they take 'mindfulness' to its extreme. If one really looks to the heavens and concentrates on someone who has gone, or on something about which they wish for a resolution, my experience is that messages do indeed come. And if one pays full attention to these messages, they will be guided. The irony is that the answers I have always received are usually answers that are 'right in front of my nose' had I actually been looking. If they were missed it is because I wasn't being 'mindful' or 'paying attention' to that which I was seeing and hearing.
To continue regarding the omens (or messages) I was receiving, yet unwilling to truly 'see', I bumped into a woman Friday morning who does work as a psychic (in fact she has worked here with the police department in solving some murder cases). Once before she had done a tarot card reading for me and I was amazed as to how 'right on' she had been. So feeling the way I was regarding this situation, I asked her to read the cards for me, and sure enough the advice was the same I had chosen months ago---divorce yourself!
Later on that day for some odd reason I could not type on this computer. All the letters were coming out as a mixture of numbers and letters. I was truly 'freaked out'.
Finally, all my building staff whom I informed as to what I was about to do, pleaded with me not to do this, and one store owner /friend with whom I spend a lot of time (and money) said he would 'divorce' me if I saw this person! Still I called for my car at 5:30pm and was going to see him. I was one block south of the park on which my building stands, and about the 4th car in line for a red light. I had just stopped when all of a sudden BANG!!! I was thrust forward as something had crashed into the back of my car! I put my car in 'park' and got out. There lying on the ground was a young man of about 25 bleeding on top of his motor cycle. When he saw me he kept repeating how sorry he was and that it was his fault not mine.
The police were on the scene immediately as they had seen the whole thing. They moved us and our vehicles both into a lot and asked me if I was all right. My head was indeed spinning, but I felt it was due not only to the impact, but the stress of the whole ordeal. I was truly shaken, moreso than I had ever been in any kind of accident. The poor fellow however, had blood coming out of his nostrils, gashes on his face, and the bridge of his nose was totally blue. My car did not look like some I've seen where the back end is totally smashed, but I'm sure the damage will be a couple thousand dollars to fix at least (of course I'm insured). The fellow was not wearing a helmet; was not driving his own cycle, and of course had no insurance!
Late that night a computer expert/security guard informed me about the 'number lock' key which when inadvertently hit will totally screw up your computer's key board!
The moral for me and for everyone reading this is of course is to TRUST/LISTEN TO YOUR INSTINCTS, VOICES, whatever. Be MINDFUL at all times. Don't be stubborn...and realize that there are many souls trying to protect you if you just have faith and concentrate. Otherwise they might have to literally 'hit you over the head' to convince you. I simply told my 'ex' that it just wasn't 'in the cards' for us!
Hope you enjoyed this session...and til next week WATCH OUT!
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
Sunday, August 9, 2009
HEALING YOUR PAIN
Today it's in my back! Yours may be in your stomach, your head, your chest, who knows? I used to think it was only the 'old' people whose conversations revolved around how they were feeling. Now I find it's as prevalent among younger people as well. For the elderly I believe whatever the pain is, it is a culmination of the stresses suffered throughout their lives. However stresses appear to be strong enough today that younger and younger people are suffering from them. Even elementary school kids are developing symptoms from stress. If you recently saw the program on TV about the kids with OCD (obsessive compulsive disorder) you know how scary it all is.
Whatever the pain your suffering is---unless you had an accident of some sort---it probably originated with something stressful that occured in your life. Here is my prescription: If it goes on for awhile do check it out with the doctor and go through the scans, MRI's whatever, in order to make sure it is not something serious. If all that is complete and the results are ok, here is what I think may help.
First take a 'time out'. That is not just something for little kids to do in order to get themselves calmer and more centered. It is a helpful thing for all of us to do. 'Time out' can take place right at your desk, or in a chair, or on the floor, or even while sitting on a subway, bus or train. If you're out of city traffic and on the road for awhile, driving can be wonderful for reflection (see earlier blogs).
'Time out' can start with a neck roll all around for about four times each way. (It is amazing how many patients I have found with neck pain from tension). Then begin a concentration on breathing with your eyes closed (this I do not recommend while driving). Just stay with that for a minute or two. Just feeling yourself breath---in and out, in and out...Now imagine yourself where you feel absolutely wonderful. It may be on a beach sunning or listening to a fabulous concert. But keep it peaceful and stay with it for awhile. Let yourself just go with the flow. Now imagine your pain just drifting right out of your body and going upward for the universe to dispose of. In this lovely mood now ask whatever spirit you believe in to please hear you and enlighten you as to what you may do in order to make things less stressful for you, your family, or whomever you know whose pain is causing your own stress. It is amazing what light bulbs go off in your head! The answer I have found, is always something that was right in front of you.
In the same quiet mood, now see yourself on an elevator going down from the top floor to the first. As each floor is hit, see yourself as stronger and better. By the time you reach the bottom you will feel pain free, stress free, happier, and ready to embrace the world. When you get used to doing this a few times a day, it can become a five minute vacation from everything around you. Try it and let me know if you are feeling better. You can comment right at the bottom here, or email me at mscott13@aol.com. Gee my back pain is gone! Hope this session is as helpful for you as it just was for me.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
Whatever the pain your suffering is---unless you had an accident of some sort---it probably originated with something stressful that occured in your life. Here is my prescription: If it goes on for awhile do check it out with the doctor and go through the scans, MRI's whatever, in order to make sure it is not something serious. If all that is complete and the results are ok, here is what I think may help.
First take a 'time out'. That is not just something for little kids to do in order to get themselves calmer and more centered. It is a helpful thing for all of us to do. 'Time out' can take place right at your desk, or in a chair, or on the floor, or even while sitting on a subway, bus or train. If you're out of city traffic and on the road for awhile, driving can be wonderful for reflection (see earlier blogs).
'Time out' can start with a neck roll all around for about four times each way. (It is amazing how many patients I have found with neck pain from tension). Then begin a concentration on breathing with your eyes closed (this I do not recommend while driving). Just stay with that for a minute or two. Just feeling yourself breath---in and out, in and out...Now imagine yourself where you feel absolutely wonderful. It may be on a beach sunning or listening to a fabulous concert. But keep it peaceful and stay with it for awhile. Let yourself just go with the flow. Now imagine your pain just drifting right out of your body and going upward for the universe to dispose of. In this lovely mood now ask whatever spirit you believe in to please hear you and enlighten you as to what you may do in order to make things less stressful for you, your family, or whomever you know whose pain is causing your own stress. It is amazing what light bulbs go off in your head! The answer I have found, is always something that was right in front of you.
In the same quiet mood, now see yourself on an elevator going down from the top floor to the first. As each floor is hit, see yourself as stronger and better. By the time you reach the bottom you will feel pain free, stress free, happier, and ready to embrace the world. When you get used to doing this a few times a day, it can become a five minute vacation from everything around you. Try it and let me know if you are feeling better. You can comment right at the bottom here, or email me at mscott13@aol.com. Gee my back pain is gone! Hope this session is as helpful for you as it just was for me.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
Sunday, August 2, 2009
SENIOR ONLINE DATING
I found that after I ended my relationship last Spring, it was as though someone called the internet and told them I was single. Every online dating service appeared on my emails---JDate, Match.com, Cupid.com and on and on it went. I wasn't however in any way ready to start 'dating' again, especially since I was staying at our lake home in upstate New York for only two months, so I didn't think it made sense to start while I was there. But then I saw SeniorPeopleMeet.com, and I thought well maybe that would make sense.
So I uploaded a picture my friend Paula had taken of me while I spent three days in New York City before traveling the last leg of my trip to upstate New York. Not quite a professional headshot, but a really good shot nevertheless. Well I guess the viewers thought so as well as I began getting a lot of 'hits'. Indeed one fella wanted to fly up just so he could ride back to Florida with me as I was driving back alone. His picture was great and he did seem like a nice guy, but too much too soon would not be the best way to begin going back on the dating scene. He told me however that as soon as I would return, he would drive the 1 and 1/2 hour trip from Naples, on the west coast to see me. There was even an email waiting for me when I arrived back here wanting to know where I was. I emailed him and called him to let him know I was indeed back...did you hear from him???? I never did.
All this brought back to mind earlier dating when guys tell you constantly that 'they'll call you' and maybe after your funeral they may send condolences.
Nevertheless, I continued to check out fellas both in this senior network and on a site called PlentyofFish.com (which is free) from 55-65 and within 25 miles from me here in Hollywood, Florida. So of course I got several 39 year olds and 42 year olds as well as legitimate seniors who were living in Wisconsin, Illinois, Maine, etc. So much for trying to set your own limits.
At any rate, back in sunny Florida where the youth are tanned and beautiful and the seniors who haven't destroyed themselves with cosmetic surgery, look pretty damned good too, I decided to really try and find a nice fella who will maybe make it into relationship status. The only thing about this is, I'm here to see clients, get a musical I wrote up in the condos, do a character role on an upcoming internet/ TV show, run a couple groups and religiously write this blog! No way can I spend the day on the computer answering all the 'hits'. To date online means to make whatever work you do secondary. Yet it can be fun, and also very funny.
First the picture is all important. If one doesn't choose to have one up---fuhgetaboutit! And usually when they do it's a deal breaker. The thing I find most amazing is why a senior guy (or gal I suppose) would post a picture at age 64 which you know was taken at age 44. I mean--what are they thinking? The combovers by the way are a definite 'no no'. One guy whose picture I recently looked at had a really good looking face, however he chose to sit with his arms wrapped around the back of a chair and there were no clothes on to hide the flab that was hanging out all over. I mean c'mon...
Nevertheless I've had two outings. One with a lovely guy with whom I had absolutely no chemistry, but who told me the best jokes I've heard in quite some time--and he told them very well. The next one I will be seeing again. In fact we had such a comfortable time---he was a New York guy who had been into theatre and who ran groups. Ya think maybe we have something in common?? At any rate the lettuce from the salad I was eating got caught in my upper back teeth. Now normally I would try to survive without having to remove it, but on this occasion I couldn't take another bite of the delicious salad since I had no room for anymore in my mouth! So I just told him what was going on and got it out! The best part however, was describing to each other what we do for our daily workouts. I told him I did the stairmaster, the treadmill and the bike and then I lifted weights. He said he did the same machines and then we started to show each other across the table with our arms going in all directions, which weight pulls we use. When I stopped laughing I knew that this is what I was going to blog about this week.
Who knows? And ya know what---we're seniors--so why would we wait to cuddle...I mean either of us may be gone by the next date...so let's live it up while he can and while I have the strenth!
I hope you enjoyed this session as much as I did detailing it. Tune in next week for some sane topic of discussion.
Dr. Mimi Scott
954 926-0133
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
So I uploaded a picture my friend Paula had taken of me while I spent three days in New York City before traveling the last leg of my trip to upstate New York. Not quite a professional headshot, but a really good shot nevertheless. Well I guess the viewers thought so as well as I began getting a lot of 'hits'. Indeed one fella wanted to fly up just so he could ride back to Florida with me as I was driving back alone. His picture was great and he did seem like a nice guy, but too much too soon would not be the best way to begin going back on the dating scene. He told me however that as soon as I would return, he would drive the 1 and 1/2 hour trip from Naples, on the west coast to see me. There was even an email waiting for me when I arrived back here wanting to know where I was. I emailed him and called him to let him know I was indeed back...did you hear from him???? I never did.
All this brought back to mind earlier dating when guys tell you constantly that 'they'll call you' and maybe after your funeral they may send condolences.
Nevertheless, I continued to check out fellas both in this senior network and on a site called PlentyofFish.com (which is free) from 55-65 and within 25 miles from me here in Hollywood, Florida. So of course I got several 39 year olds and 42 year olds as well as legitimate seniors who were living in Wisconsin, Illinois, Maine, etc. So much for trying to set your own limits.
At any rate, back in sunny Florida where the youth are tanned and beautiful and the seniors who haven't destroyed themselves with cosmetic surgery, look pretty damned good too, I decided to really try and find a nice fella who will maybe make it into relationship status. The only thing about this is, I'm here to see clients, get a musical I wrote up in the condos, do a character role on an upcoming internet/ TV show, run a couple groups and religiously write this blog! No way can I spend the day on the computer answering all the 'hits'. To date online means to make whatever work you do secondary. Yet it can be fun, and also very funny.
First the picture is all important. If one doesn't choose to have one up---fuhgetaboutit! And usually when they do it's a deal breaker. The thing I find most amazing is why a senior guy (or gal I suppose) would post a picture at age 64 which you know was taken at age 44. I mean--what are they thinking? The combovers by the way are a definite 'no no'. One guy whose picture I recently looked at had a really good looking face, however he chose to sit with his arms wrapped around the back of a chair and there were no clothes on to hide the flab that was hanging out all over. I mean c'mon...
Nevertheless I've had two outings. One with a lovely guy with whom I had absolutely no chemistry, but who told me the best jokes I've heard in quite some time--and he told them very well. The next one I will be seeing again. In fact we had such a comfortable time---he was a New York guy who had been into theatre and who ran groups. Ya think maybe we have something in common?? At any rate the lettuce from the salad I was eating got caught in my upper back teeth. Now normally I would try to survive without having to remove it, but on this occasion I couldn't take another bite of the delicious salad since I had no room for anymore in my mouth! So I just told him what was going on and got it out! The best part however, was describing to each other what we do for our daily workouts. I told him I did the stairmaster, the treadmill and the bike and then I lifted weights. He said he did the same machines and then we started to show each other across the table with our arms going in all directions, which weight pulls we use. When I stopped laughing I knew that this is what I was going to blog about this week.
Who knows? And ya know what---we're seniors--so why would we wait to cuddle...I mean either of us may be gone by the next date...so let's live it up while he can and while I have the strenth!
I hope you enjoyed this session as much as I did detailing it. Tune in next week for some sane topic of discussion.
Dr. Mimi Scott
954 926-0133
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Sunday, July 26, 2009
TRANSITIONING
As we head toward the Fall and all that that season brings, most people find themselves in some kind of transition. It is not just the kids returning to school. or the college students beginning or continuing their program of study, but all of us renewing ourselves in some way when Fall arrives and brings, especially for Jewish people who celebrate the New Year, a sense of beginnings. I've been out of school for some time now, but my calendar is still spoken of in terms of semesters.
Whether you're letting go of an old apartment for a new one, or an old job for a new one, or an old teacher for a new one, or a relationship for something or someone else, or an old nest of family for a new venture---you're in transition. And while there can be a good deal of pain involved, it truly helps to see whatever it is you're transitioning to as a new opportunity.
I had a great deal of time to think about all this as I 'transitioned' from a lake home which I've had since 1982 in upstate New York, to my home of almost two years in Hollywood, Florida. My lake home was filled with children, grandchildren and all their friends who are now 'college kids'---while my Florida home is filled with me and my beloved 4 puppies. I had a lot of time to reflect on all this as I drove, leaving Saturday mornng from the lake, staying overnight in North Carolina, and arriving Sunday night at 9:30pm in Florida. While I'm at it, let me offer what I can about driving that length alone with 4 dogs in a small Toyota Scion.
First I was blessed with two beautiful days...until 50 miles above my destination when I ran into a huge downpour. Other than that it was smooth. My daughter had made sure that I had a really easy to understand Garmin, and it was truly a time saver! It saved me hours from traffic around Washington DC. I strongly suggest getting one of these not only for long distance trips, but for finding the most effiecient way to get any place. I only had one lengthy phone conversation which I don't advise. It can be just too distracting, and everytime I turn my head while driving I'm sorry I did---so I focus straight ahead!
We stopped only for gas, at which point the pups were given water (which I kept
in the big cooler I brought) along with their treats. I then used the Ladies room and we took a five minute walk around each station. After that it was back into the car where my cooler also contained snacks, food and drinks for myself. I removed whatever I needed for the next stretch, and kept it on the dash board so that I could reach it easily. I had the CD's in the pocket of the Driver's seat so that all I had to do was reach down and take one from the front of the pile as I changed them continually. My advice to anyone--plan your music ahead for the trip. Each show I played brought back memories. I sang every word along with Ethel as I played GYPSY, and all the music (none of it today's) was thought provoking for me. Doing all this made the time fly.
The memories of course were mainly of my life with my late husband Barry and our wonderful two children. I had moved to New York City alone after Barry's early death in 1991, and spent 16 extraordinary years there, but what I will always consider the essence of my life was the family part of it. Now it is time for my children and their children to collect all the memories, because as I travelled I realized that it was, maybe not the very last one, but yet another major transition in my life. I was leaving an old home, and returning to my new home. In many ways I was sad, but in just as many ways I became excited about the new opportunities that lay ahead for me.
My point is that transitions are felt, not just by the young and the empty nesters (now there's a really tough transition), but by seniors of all ages as well. My thought is to treasure the good memories. Dwell on them when you can---it's good for the soul, and eliminate the bad from your focus. Truly look forward to what you can do to make this latest transition the happiest and the most productive.
Hope you enjoyed the session.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
954 926-0133
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Sunday, July 12, 2009
GETTING PAST DESPAIR
Has anyone out there experienced sitting in a room, an apartment or a house filled with people, and feeling totally alone? When it feels forced to put on the smile that is usually associated with your face? When to socialize is actually painful for you who are normally an outgoing person? Well, don't think you are alone with this experience, because you are not. (Do I not sound like one of those commercials for anti-depressents?) I believe that most people experience this...we just don't know it.
How can someone who has just discovered a close relative is terminal want to go out and 'act' happy? How can someone whose spouse has lost a job want to go out and party? My first suggestion is don't even try. Some in the profession vehemently disagree. I believe that you have the right to take time out and to let yourself be depressed. I also, depending upon the severity, believe that a professional should be seen and that medication may indeed be in order. When someone in the house is 'depressed' it can be a real downer for everyone else. The instinct is to tell them all the good things about their lives in the hope that they will 'see the light' and stop being 'depressed'. That is not always the right route to take. If one ignores the depression that they are feeling and does not take the time to 'be depressed', it may pull at them until one day the depression is much more severe for having waited to deal with it.
As a student I was told that the Jewish tradition of 'sitting shiva' following a death is actually a very healthy thing to do. It forces the family to take time away from going back to work, or attending that meeting, or keeping the golf date. They are simply 'sitting' with the purpose being to think about the loss and to allow others to say whatever will comfort, or even put a smile on their face. Most people however believe that it is important to keep going no matter what is or is not happening or no matter how you are feeling. Some professionals will tell you to simply 'fight your way through it'. I disagree. What I think people want to hear is that they have a right to feel the way they do and that they deserve the permission to take time out, but time out with a deadline.
How you get past the despair may be determined by what you do with your 'time out'. Prayer works wonders. Crying cleanses. Physical activity keeps the body going, and enjoying music, writing, reading or just watching a good sitcom may all get you going again. Focusing on starting something you have always loved to do such as writing a new song, may get you going as well. Ultimatly, the best way to deal with your despair may simply be to talk about it. One wonderful friend whom you can trust is often the absolute best therapy. If you don't have that one person...start cultivating that kind of confidante. In the end it's what beats all other approaches to getting past despair.
Next week's blog may be delayed as I will be 'on the road again' returning to Florida. So hang in there,,,and don't hang yourself! I'm always here for you.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
How can someone who has just discovered a close relative is terminal want to go out and 'act' happy? How can someone whose spouse has lost a job want to go out and party? My first suggestion is don't even try. Some in the profession vehemently disagree. I believe that you have the right to take time out and to let yourself be depressed. I also, depending upon the severity, believe that a professional should be seen and that medication may indeed be in order. When someone in the house is 'depressed' it can be a real downer for everyone else. The instinct is to tell them all the good things about their lives in the hope that they will 'see the light' and stop being 'depressed'. That is not always the right route to take. If one ignores the depression that they are feeling and does not take the time to 'be depressed', it may pull at them until one day the depression is much more severe for having waited to deal with it.
As a student I was told that the Jewish tradition of 'sitting shiva' following a death is actually a very healthy thing to do. It forces the family to take time away from going back to work, or attending that meeting, or keeping the golf date. They are simply 'sitting' with the purpose being to think about the loss and to allow others to say whatever will comfort, or even put a smile on their face. Most people however believe that it is important to keep going no matter what is or is not happening or no matter how you are feeling. Some professionals will tell you to simply 'fight your way through it'. I disagree. What I think people want to hear is that they have a right to feel the way they do and that they deserve the permission to take time out, but time out with a deadline.
How you get past the despair may be determined by what you do with your 'time out'. Prayer works wonders. Crying cleanses. Physical activity keeps the body going, and enjoying music, writing, reading or just watching a good sitcom may all get you going again. Focusing on starting something you have always loved to do such as writing a new song, may get you going as well. Ultimatly, the best way to deal with your despair may simply be to talk about it. One wonderful friend whom you can trust is often the absolute best therapy. If you don't have that one person...start cultivating that kind of confidante. In the end it's what beats all other approaches to getting past despair.
Next week's blog may be delayed as I will be 'on the road again' returning to Florida. So hang in there,,,and don't hang yourself! I'm always here for you.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
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