FINDING SPRING...

We have indeed enjoyed some lovely 'Spring' days/evenings in the past few weeks...but have we really left behind a very cold and dark winter?  Are we really liberated, or are the guns, the bombs and the other horrors of the past season really gone?? We can pray...but I'm not very hopeful.

How in God's name did they not pass the new gun control measures...and both parties were guilty!!  It boggles my mind. Two nights ago a lovely Hofstra college girl, a twin, was killed---and not by the gun that the intruder shot....but by the bullet that the police shot trying to save her!!! No matter how you look at it---it was another gun battle!!!

If a license to drive can be obtained by passing a written test and a road test---why can't there be a test or two for gun purchasing?  Cannot mental health scholars come up with some questions that can reveal problems and at least alert those in a position to reliquish the weapons, that the purchaser is deemed not stable enough to own the weapon?  Maybe...just maybe some lives may be saved with this relatively easy process. 

Are all of you aware of the new guns for kids?   Made with cartoon characters on them?? NOT TOYS...REAL GUNS!!.  About a month ago a parent bought one for a five year old son...The next day he shot and killed his toddler sister with it. When this parent purchased the gun could he or she have not been given a simple test to investigate his or her own stability?  And if the test does indeed send out an alert--let these people get affirmation of their capability to own a gun either for themselves or for their children, from a licensed mental health person before being allowed to complete the purchase.

I used to feel that before a new mother leaves a hospital with a newborn they should be required to pass a simple test offered by the hospital.  Simple things like handling diaper changes and baby cries can frustrate and even anger a parent to the point of harming the baby.

It's rather pathetic that we have arrived at a place that requires these kinds of tactics...but we have--- and if that frustrated parent, or sibling or sitter gets angry enough today they can reach for those guns that are simply lying around....

Please let us not just let this effort to rid our communities of these guns and and those who carry them for evil, go by the wayside. Write continually to our legislators and refuse to vote for him or her until he or she has taken a strong stand to reduce the ability of an individual to obtain a gun whenever the mood strikes!!

Hope you digest this session...I just didn't want to let the issue (or another victim) die....Thanks for your attention.

Respectfully,
Mimi Scott, Ph.D
212 721-2979
917 846-2449
mscott13@aol.com
www.drmimiscott.com

KEEPING IN TOUCH!!

    My Aunt Gert died last week. She was 100 years old this past August.  There was a wonderful party given to celebrate.  Two weeks later I called and asked how she enjoyed the party and she said "What party?"...

    I didn't really get in too many calls to her this past Fall.  Then last week I was told she was in Hospice...I was beside myself and packed right away to get up to see her before she could possibly go.  As we were going out the door I got the call that she had passed...I was devastated.  Not that I didn't totally expect that at 100 it wouldn't be too long, and not that we weren't all able to go on without her, but I was devastated because I hadn't gotten to simply 'talk' to her once more before she went. How many of us suffer that feeling of "why didn't I call more or visit more?" when someone passes or becomes ill. I hope that I will not ever feel that way again. 

   I only recently learned that my Assistant talks to her family (and I mean cousins, aunts and uncles, as well as brothers and sisters and parents) every single day!!  She gets up early and goes to bed late so she can be sure and touch base with everyone each day.  In addition, I have a 'best friend' from high school who has lived in California since we graduated.  I couldn't believe how much she called me (at least once daily) when I had breast cancer, and equally as much when I suffered a heart attack.  And the distance has never kept us from being in touch with one another.  What really blew my mind was when she too, told me that she does the same with her entire family.  Her sister has passed, but her sister's children and their children are called everyday, and she too talks to all her cousins, etc. all the time.

   I'm really interested if all my readers do virtually the same, or like my family, barely stay in touch.
Neither of the two people I've described use the internet to 'keep in touch' since it's all done by calling. Well, in today's world that's got to be rare.  Other than my daughter, and her three girls, all other communication is mainly by email or text.  Even my son asks that I email him rather than call. That way he is actually able to give me more attention then when I call in the midst of his busy working day/night.
 
   Calls are wonderful, but a simple email or even a text to make sure everything is ok, is at least one way of 'keeping in touch'.  And when I say 'family', I include all good friends.  How many times have we heard of some mishap or infirmity that has befallen someone about whom we care and felt just awful that we hadn't been 'in touch' prior to all this happening.

  Others are our life blood.  We thrive on their warmth, friendship, intellligence and creativity.  They are what makes the difference often in our own successes and failures.  They are our support.  But it does take a commitment to make sure we 'keep in touch' and are there for them when they need us to be their conscience, support and simply their 'friend'.  In my practice I have always found that whatever anyone is suffering is made so much easier when their life is filled with people, as opposed to how much harder it all is when they feel friendless and lonely.  It actually makes a tremendous difference in one's physical well being as well as his or her emotional well being.

   And, not to excuse myself, but a twosome can accomplish all this much better than a single person.  If you haven't contacted someone in awhile you can always ask a spouse or a partner to take care of it.  And it is so much easier for others when they have the choice of contacting you or your 'other half'.  As bad as I feel about my inadequacies regarding my family (I guess I simply took them 'for granted'), I did make a commitment early on to stay in touch with people I have met and cared for through the years, especially since I became widowed.  I am not one who ever feels alone or short of friends...but it does take work and a real commitment.  In the end this activity makes your life and your whole world that much fuller and more complete.

   Isn't there some ad that  says something like "Have you called your kids today?".  Take heed.

  I hope you've found this session helpful....

  Respectfully yours,

 Mimi Scott, Ph.D
 212 721-2979
 917 846-2449    Isn't it great how many ways we can contact someone today!!
mscott13@aol.com
www.drmimiscott.com

EXPERIENCING A HEART ATTACK

         
           It is now exactly two months since 'it' happened and I'm just beginning to try and put it all in perspective...especially since the name of the kind of attack I had was "Broken Heart Syndrome".

          Physically this means that the heart stopped opening and closing at its tip which leaves one very vulnerable to a clot or a stroke. As a reesult your heart is only functioning at half strength. Rather than a flow rate of 63 mine was at 33 (it is now up to 51 which makes my doctor very happy eventhough it is not yet normal). It is the emotional side that has given me much more pause.

          Statistically this 'broken heart syndrome' is most commonly exprerienced by women my age, who have usually lost someone.  My first response therefore was "I must have had a really 'delayed reaction' since my husband died almost 22 years ago".

          It is also common to women under a lot of stress. I had been in the thoes of producing an Off Broadway show at an Off Broadway theatre (right across the street from where I live) that was very desirous of having the show...Mah Jongg, The Musical...in their theatre.  However after weeks of extraordinary stress getting all the elements together, a budget was drawn up which demontrated that, given our costs, selling out 100% at the top ticket price, we nevertheless stood to lose money as there were not enough seats in this beautiful, but small theatre, to even 'break even'. Strangely, I felt more relief than unhappiness at that time....that's how stressed I must have been.

          As far as the grief element goes, what I believe to be the most beneficial step a new widow or widower can do, was also the cause of my grief.  I, of course, am talking about the acquisition of our precious pets.  There is nothing more comforting than our furry friends when we find ourselves alone.
They are our pals, our companions, and in many ways, our new beloved 'kids'. Two years ago this coming Spring I lost two of my four precious puppies. 

        The oldest, Kramer, who had been with me since I was widowed, was a handicapped dog whom I had nursed through his loss of movement in his back legs.  I became well known as the lady with her dogs sitting in a shopping cart, which I had realized was the best way to take Kramer around after his surgery from a ruptured disc did not succeed in 'bringing him back'.  His three sisters were slelcted based on the way they all looked together in the cart. So when I finally was advised to put Kramer 'down' because his incontinence, barking and biting had reached inordinate levels, I did so, and then spent the next few days in tremendous sadness with the tears flowing. 

        But nothing prepared me when exactly a week to the day I had said 'good-bye' to Kramer, to lose my youngest and smallest dog, Coconut---everyone's favorite due to her size.  She had awakened that morning and collapsed, and later, that night, after spending the day at the vet and in the animal hospital, I was called and informed that she had died. I have no words to describe how distraught I became.  It was the unexpected element of her death that made it so extremely difficult.
The loss was intense and since that time I have said so frequently:

                                      "I'm still traumatized by the death of Coconut"

       More stress than I had ever been under; the loss of my beloved two puppies, and the shock recently felt when I read in the paper about the death of a dear friend whom I rarely saw or spoke with, but whose very successful career (he was the well known TV chef---Mr Food) I had had a hand in creating when I invited him to be my 'food person' on a morning talk show I hosted in the early 70's called 'Coffeebreak' on the upstate NY ABC affiliate.  That too, elicited a great deal of shock and sadness about two weeks prior to my heart attack.

        My advice this session therefore is:  Don't just take these kinds of events lightly...take time to talk about them when they happen and find time to talk to a therapist as well when you are hurting, because unbeknownst to most people, these kinds of happenings can take a toll on our fragile 'hearts'.
So, if and when you feel tremendous pain in your chest...you may indeed have 'a broken heart'.

       Hope my tale maybe helps all of you out there in one way or another...and oh yes...don't wait if you have this pain....call 911 immediatly...I did not and probably did more damage as a result. 

        But I shall close with the fact that I am swimming daily; lifting weights; riding my stationary bike twice a day, doing floor exercises, and staying away from salted foods, which has all helped to bring my 'flow rate' back up to almost normal...take heed...

Respectfully,

Mimi Scott, Ph.D
212 721-2979
917 846-2449
mscott13@aol.com
www.drmimiscott.com

EXPERIENCING A HEART ATTACK

           It's been eactly two months, and I'm just beginning to try and place what happened into its proper perspecctive, especially since they call the kind of heart attack I had

THOUGHTS ON MOTIVE FOR NEWTOWN MASSACRE

        
                It has been a very long time since I have been able to blog and there have been significant reasons for all that.  However, since the massacre at Newtown I feel an obligation, as a mental health professsional, to share my thoughts.  And what I have come to believe I have not heard from any of the professionals interviewed heretofore....and I cannot understand why.

               We quickly learned about the autism layered with asbergers that Adam Lanza suffered.
He was described throughout his school days as 'weird' and as 'a loner'.  He also was said to be 'brilliant'. He did not interact with others. Therefore he must have been the kind of young person who was totally aware of himself and of what others thought about him.  My conclusion is that Adam Lanza was filled with self loathing. His days in school must have been painful for him (eventhough he was said to not have the ability to feel 'pain'---if he was cut he would not feel it), but I believe that mental pain can be strongly felt even if a severe physical injury could not be.

               This kind of pain which I believe Adam was in all through his school years, must have filled him with self loathing.  And the loathing must have been seen as derived from the woman who had given birth to him. I feel that Adam Lanza had to have hated his mother for 'making him the way he was'.  He could indeed 'blame' her for everything. And what a stroke of luck for him that she introduced him to the art of 'shooting' and that she stored all these weapons right in the home they shared!

              At the same time I believe Adam Lanza wanted to prevent as many young children as he could from going through all that he had gone through.  With the weapons his mother had brought into his life, he found the means to 'save the children'.  He was adept at shooting and planned his attack very carefully.  It had to begin with the death of his mother as she, in his mind, was 'responsible' for all of the miserable life he had been leading for so long.  Logically then, the murder of his mother had to be followed immediately by the attempt to murder, thus to protect, all these children from having to deal with the horrors of life which Adam Lanza felt were so destructive to survival.

             Have not any of you out there heard stories of parents who killed their children in order to protect them?  That to me is what I felt was the motive behind all that took place December, 14th in Newtown, Ct.  Just something that the forensic psychiatrists and psychologist who have been involved may want to consider.

             Hope you have felt some enlightenment, even if you totally reject it, from this session.

Mimi Scott, Ph.D
mscott13@aol.com
www.drmimiscott.com
212 721-2979
917 846-2449

                How could I not do a blog at this moment in time??  It has indeed been a very loong time, and there have been significant reasons for that, but as a mental health professional I feel an obligation to share my thoughts on the Newtown massacre.

                My theory is not that complex and I am shocked that none of the forensic psychiatrists and psychologists who have been interviewed have not expressed what I am going to.  My thoughts are these:  I believe that Adam Lanza, a loner all his life, was filled with self loathing.  The Autism alone, layered with Aspergers was not something about which this brilliant young man was unaware.  He, it has been said, did not interact or intermingle all through his school days at Sandy Hook....he was considered 'weird' and as I said above 'a loner'. This type of person is often filled with self loathing.

BOUNCING BACK