Sunday, July 26, 2009
TRANSITIONING
As we head toward the Fall and all that that season brings, most people find themselves in some kind of transition. It is not just the kids returning to school. or the college students beginning or continuing their program of study, but all of us renewing ourselves in some way when Fall arrives and brings, especially for Jewish people who celebrate the New Year, a sense of beginnings. I've been out of school for some time now, but my calendar is still spoken of in terms of semesters.
Whether you're letting go of an old apartment for a new one, or an old job for a new one, or an old teacher for a new one, or a relationship for something or someone else, or an old nest of family for a new venture---you're in transition. And while there can be a good deal of pain involved, it truly helps to see whatever it is you're transitioning to as a new opportunity.
I had a great deal of time to think about all this as I 'transitioned' from a lake home which I've had since 1982 in upstate New York, to my home of almost two years in Hollywood, Florida. My lake home was filled with children, grandchildren and all their friends who are now 'college kids'---while my Florida home is filled with me and my beloved 4 puppies. I had a lot of time to reflect on all this as I drove, leaving Saturday mornng from the lake, staying overnight in North Carolina, and arriving Sunday night at 9:30pm in Florida. While I'm at it, let me offer what I can about driving that length alone with 4 dogs in a small Toyota Scion.
First I was blessed with two beautiful days...until 50 miles above my destination when I ran into a huge downpour. Other than that it was smooth. My daughter had made sure that I had a really easy to understand Garmin, and it was truly a time saver! It saved me hours from traffic around Washington DC. I strongly suggest getting one of these not only for long distance trips, but for finding the most effiecient way to get any place. I only had one lengthy phone conversation which I don't advise. It can be just too distracting, and everytime I turn my head while driving I'm sorry I did---so I focus straight ahead!
We stopped only for gas, at which point the pups were given water (which I kept
in the big cooler I brought) along with their treats. I then used the Ladies room and we took a five minute walk around each station. After that it was back into the car where my cooler also contained snacks, food and drinks for myself. I removed whatever I needed for the next stretch, and kept it on the dash board so that I could reach it easily. I had the CD's in the pocket of the Driver's seat so that all I had to do was reach down and take one from the front of the pile as I changed them continually. My advice to anyone--plan your music ahead for the trip. Each show I played brought back memories. I sang every word along with Ethel as I played GYPSY, and all the music (none of it today's) was thought provoking for me. Doing all this made the time fly.
The memories of course were mainly of my life with my late husband Barry and our wonderful two children. I had moved to New York City alone after Barry's early death in 1991, and spent 16 extraordinary years there, but what I will always consider the essence of my life was the family part of it. Now it is time for my children and their children to collect all the memories, because as I travelled I realized that it was, maybe not the very last one, but yet another major transition in my life. I was leaving an old home, and returning to my new home. In many ways I was sad, but in just as many ways I became excited about the new opportunities that lay ahead for me.
My point is that transitions are felt, not just by the young and the empty nesters (now there's a really tough transition), but by seniors of all ages as well. My thought is to treasure the good memories. Dwell on them when you can---it's good for the soul, and eliminate the bad from your focus. Truly look forward to what you can do to make this latest transition the happiest and the most productive.
Hope you enjoyed the session.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
954 926-0133
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Sunday, July 12, 2009
GETTING PAST DESPAIR
Has anyone out there experienced sitting in a room, an apartment or a house filled with people, and feeling totally alone? When it feels forced to put on the smile that is usually associated with your face? When to socialize is actually painful for you who are normally an outgoing person? Well, don't think you are alone with this experience, because you are not. (Do I not sound like one of those commercials for anti-depressents?) I believe that most people experience this...we just don't know it.
How can someone who has just discovered a close relative is terminal want to go out and 'act' happy? How can someone whose spouse has lost a job want to go out and party? My first suggestion is don't even try. Some in the profession vehemently disagree. I believe that you have the right to take time out and to let yourself be depressed. I also, depending upon the severity, believe that a professional should be seen and that medication may indeed be in order. When someone in the house is 'depressed' it can be a real downer for everyone else. The instinct is to tell them all the good things about their lives in the hope that they will 'see the light' and stop being 'depressed'. That is not always the right route to take. If one ignores the depression that they are feeling and does not take the time to 'be depressed', it may pull at them until one day the depression is much more severe for having waited to deal with it.
As a student I was told that the Jewish tradition of 'sitting shiva' following a death is actually a very healthy thing to do. It forces the family to take time away from going back to work, or attending that meeting, or keeping the golf date. They are simply 'sitting' with the purpose being to think about the loss and to allow others to say whatever will comfort, or even put a smile on their face. Most people however believe that it is important to keep going no matter what is or is not happening or no matter how you are feeling. Some professionals will tell you to simply 'fight your way through it'. I disagree. What I think people want to hear is that they have a right to feel the way they do and that they deserve the permission to take time out, but time out with a deadline.
How you get past the despair may be determined by what you do with your 'time out'. Prayer works wonders. Crying cleanses. Physical activity keeps the body going, and enjoying music, writing, reading or just watching a good sitcom may all get you going again. Focusing on starting something you have always loved to do such as writing a new song, may get you going as well. Ultimatly, the best way to deal with your despair may simply be to talk about it. One wonderful friend whom you can trust is often the absolute best therapy. If you don't have that one person...start cultivating that kind of confidante. In the end it's what beats all other approaches to getting past despair.
Next week's blog may be delayed as I will be 'on the road again' returning to Florida. So hang in there,,,and don't hang yourself! I'm always here for you.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
How can someone who has just discovered a close relative is terminal want to go out and 'act' happy? How can someone whose spouse has lost a job want to go out and party? My first suggestion is don't even try. Some in the profession vehemently disagree. I believe that you have the right to take time out and to let yourself be depressed. I also, depending upon the severity, believe that a professional should be seen and that medication may indeed be in order. When someone in the house is 'depressed' it can be a real downer for everyone else. The instinct is to tell them all the good things about their lives in the hope that they will 'see the light' and stop being 'depressed'. That is not always the right route to take. If one ignores the depression that they are feeling and does not take the time to 'be depressed', it may pull at them until one day the depression is much more severe for having waited to deal with it.
As a student I was told that the Jewish tradition of 'sitting shiva' following a death is actually a very healthy thing to do. It forces the family to take time away from going back to work, or attending that meeting, or keeping the golf date. They are simply 'sitting' with the purpose being to think about the loss and to allow others to say whatever will comfort, or even put a smile on their face. Most people however believe that it is important to keep going no matter what is or is not happening or no matter how you are feeling. Some professionals will tell you to simply 'fight your way through it'. I disagree. What I think people want to hear is that they have a right to feel the way they do and that they deserve the permission to take time out, but time out with a deadline.
How you get past the despair may be determined by what you do with your 'time out'. Prayer works wonders. Crying cleanses. Physical activity keeps the body going, and enjoying music, writing, reading or just watching a good sitcom may all get you going again. Focusing on starting something you have always loved to do such as writing a new song, may get you going as well. Ultimatly, the best way to deal with your despair may simply be to talk about it. One wonderful friend whom you can trust is often the absolute best therapy. If you don't have that one person...start cultivating that kind of confidante. In the end it's what beats all other approaches to getting past despair.
Next week's blog may be delayed as I will be 'on the road again' returning to Florida. So hang in there,,,and don't hang yourself! I'm always here for you.
Dr. Mimi Scott
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Sunday, July 5, 2009
TIMES THEY ARE A CHANGIN...
Hope everyone had a happy 4th of July. Where I am the 4th has always been an amazing experience. From the time we found a lake home here on Burden Lake in upstate New York when my kids were teenagers, there has always been a mob here on the 4th. This is mainly because we, as well as everyone around the lake, had great fireworks. As the kids got older the fireworks got more and more professional...one year a friend of my son who was a pyrotechnician took charge of the whole thing.
Now my kids are grown and their kids are either in college, entering college or will be in the next year or two. All my grandchildren and their friends and our neighbor's kids found their way here yesterday. Some have recently gotten engaged, others are falling in love, and others have little else on their minds then the boating, waterskiing, tubing, trampoline jumping, and computer games that were all taking place. The scene is a very different one now...including the fact that there are no more fireworks--too much trouble and money. I didn't see the little kids anymore, I saw young adults going out into the world. And I'm acutely aware of the choices they will have to make, especially at this moment in time.
In conjunction with my time spent here I have been trying to frame a new play with music about domestic violence. I have done several interviews in order to get a sense of cause, and this week I plan to visit the county jail. Actually a Guard there was here yesterday and we talked. One theme comes up througout every discussion of any kind...drugs, drugs, drugs, access to guns and more drugs. In addition I was amazed to find out how many inmates use the system to further their ability to get drugs. No home where their is a relationship to anyone dealing drugs can be without a gun for protection. And this scene is not limited to the 'inner city'. We're talking weed(marijuana),smack(heroine), crack(laced cocaine),ice(chrystal meth)and pills--of every sort. And always alcohol...no one does any of the above without alcohol use. It is not just welfare kids who are faced with this phenomenon...it is high school and college students, lawyers, doctors, entertainers----all of us. Everyone on medication at any age for anything also must make choices. "Do I drink and drive home?" "Can I have something with the medicine I'm already on?" With overuse of any of the above listed, and a gun nearby, peppered with anger from all our stress---BANG! Another tragedy.
This is what those beautiful young adults are being faced with. To 'use', to 'party', to 'drink' and on and on and on. Certainly more pervasively than when I went to school. It appears to be the most common way to socialize. The good news is that I was able to glean hope from these kids who are all completely aware of that which I've been outlining and who still give me a sense that they possess an inner strenth and value system that will hopefully see them through this all important life 'choice'. Lord knows they will have so many more 'choices' as our world gets more and more difficult to navigate. What one of my beauties had to say was that the main thing is 'to be who you are" I like to think she meant "to be strong enough to be who you are". If you have a value system that doesn't 'value' these things, and if you have certain goals set for yourself---you have to be able to say "no". After all, they told me, "no one is shoving it down your throat". In fact I learned that other kids who make the choice to do these things do not disrespect those who decline. They just kind of say "whatever...more for me". And one young 'inner city'
girl I interviewed last week who has two brothers in prison, told me "parties aren't everything--I saw what happened to my brothers and I'm concentrating on my step dancing, not goin to 'parties'!"
I have no definitive answer here today...just thoughts that I wanted to share because I believe our primary war should be fought on the terrorism of the drug culture that is killing us faster than any other kind of the terrorism.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
Now my kids are grown and their kids are either in college, entering college or will be in the next year or two. All my grandchildren and their friends and our neighbor's kids found their way here yesterday. Some have recently gotten engaged, others are falling in love, and others have little else on their minds then the boating, waterskiing, tubing, trampoline jumping, and computer games that were all taking place. The scene is a very different one now...including the fact that there are no more fireworks--too much trouble and money. I didn't see the little kids anymore, I saw young adults going out into the world. And I'm acutely aware of the choices they will have to make, especially at this moment in time.
In conjunction with my time spent here I have been trying to frame a new play with music about domestic violence. I have done several interviews in order to get a sense of cause, and this week I plan to visit the county jail. Actually a Guard there was here yesterday and we talked. One theme comes up througout every discussion of any kind...drugs, drugs, drugs, access to guns and more drugs. In addition I was amazed to find out how many inmates use the system to further their ability to get drugs. No home where their is a relationship to anyone dealing drugs can be without a gun for protection. And this scene is not limited to the 'inner city'. We're talking weed(marijuana),smack(heroine), crack(laced cocaine),ice(chrystal meth)and pills--of every sort. And always alcohol...no one does any of the above without alcohol use. It is not just welfare kids who are faced with this phenomenon...it is high school and college students, lawyers, doctors, entertainers----all of us. Everyone on medication at any age for anything also must make choices. "Do I drink and drive home?" "Can I have something with the medicine I'm already on?" With overuse of any of the above listed, and a gun nearby, peppered with anger from all our stress---BANG! Another tragedy.
This is what those beautiful young adults are being faced with. To 'use', to 'party', to 'drink' and on and on and on. Certainly more pervasively than when I went to school. It appears to be the most common way to socialize. The good news is that I was able to glean hope from these kids who are all completely aware of that which I've been outlining and who still give me a sense that they possess an inner strenth and value system that will hopefully see them through this all important life 'choice'. Lord knows they will have so many more 'choices' as our world gets more and more difficult to navigate. What one of my beauties had to say was that the main thing is 'to be who you are" I like to think she meant "to be strong enough to be who you are". If you have a value system that doesn't 'value' these things, and if you have certain goals set for yourself---you have to be able to say "no". After all, they told me, "no one is shoving it down your throat". In fact I learned that other kids who make the choice to do these things do not disrespect those who decline. They just kind of say "whatever...more for me". And one young 'inner city'
girl I interviewed last week who has two brothers in prison, told me "parties aren't everything--I saw what happened to my brothers and I'm concentrating on my step dancing, not goin to 'parties'!"
I have no definitive answer here today...just thoughts that I wanted to share because I believe our primary war should be fought on the terrorism of the drug culture that is killing us faster than any other kind of the terrorism.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
Sunday, June 28, 2009
REFLECTING ON 'ICONS' AND 'LEADERS'
How could I address anything else this week? The last week here at my lakehouse outside Albany, New York, all that was on the local news was talk of the 'circus' taking place at the Capitol building here over who should be considered head of the Senate and therefore able to take over the governorship if needed. Then of course, there was the explosion about the loss of two of our icons---Farrah Fawcett and Michael Jackson...not to dismiss the all time best 'second banana' Ed McMahon.
Since the word was used so continually I looked up some definitions of 'icon'. One equated it with 'idol' and the one I liked best was 'an enduring symbol' I actually have my own definition of 'leader' which I shall address below. But 'icon' really intrigues me. For me Farrah Fawcett was the picture of sweetness and sexuality, no matter how excellent she was in " The Burning Bed" or "Extremities". The image of her as an 'angel' with her hair blowing around her will always be her legacy, just as Marilyn Monroe with the white dress blowing up around her will always be the image I keep of her. Both are icons or 'enduring symbols' for me of female beauty and sexuality.
In terms of Michael Jackson, whose work coined the 'pop icon' phrase I would suggest, we also have an 'enduring symbol' not unlike Elvis Presley. Indeed the mourning here of my granddaughter reminds me of how I was at the time of Elvis Presley's death. We both felt that the music that had reached us and had such an impact on our lives had now gone on to eternity. For it was the body of work that is for us 'the enduring symbol' of musical entertainment. It is the songs and in the case of the latter, the videos as well, that we can listen to over and over again and enjoy and emote for the rest of our lives. Interestingly, no matter what the personal side of each was like, the lyrics of their music spoke of love and goodness.
So in case you've been caught up in the coverage of Michael's weirdness, perversion, drug use and financial cunning, just put on 'Thriller' and no matter how old you are, realize that you can appreciate the greatness of the music, lyrics and dancing of this truly iconic entertainer who will be considered in years to come, an 'enduring symbol' of the music world, just as Leonardo DaVinci is in the art world..and I know absolutely nothing about his personal life. I only know how I felt when I stood looking at the 'Mona Lisa' in Paris.
Regarding our 'leaders' on all levels, what impressed me the most this past week was an article written by Rudy Guiliani in the NY Times. In it he gives specifics about what he can see being done to reconstitute our state government. There are no platitudes in the article, but very ordered instructions as to how we can and should proceed to straighten out what is going on at the New York State Capitol as I write this. He, to me is a 'leader'. He speaks/writes with clarity and specifics. It shows me strengths in the midst of weakness. I really do not care about his personal life. I care about the fact that he very decisively was able to restore us during and after 911...this is his major achievement. These are the qualities I realize I must look for in voting for any 'leader' from Sheriff to President. I no longer am interested in who cheated on their wives the most, but on what they have done in their fields of endeavor to qualify them to 'lead' in any capacity. What have their 'achievements' been? Just to listen to the coverage of the Senators this week really makes me wonder about educational qualifications as well as IQ's. our leaders in the New York State Senate here sound like idiots!! Children sqabbling. I am no longer going to vote right down one side or another, but I am going to try to become very much more aware of the 'achievements' of candidates at every level of government.
I am not dismissing the fact that personal actions and behavior speak of character which is still an important consideration. But before we 'sit in judgement', let us remember the biblical reminder "he who is without sin, let him cast the first stone".
Thanks for reading and letting me speak my peace. I will look forward to your emails with your own various points of view. Maybe it will be fodder for next week's blog when I hope to have an interesting annoucement for you all (no I'm not pregnant!). Have a good week.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Since the word was used so continually I looked up some definitions of 'icon'. One equated it with 'idol' and the one I liked best was 'an enduring symbol' I actually have my own definition of 'leader' which I shall address below. But 'icon' really intrigues me. For me Farrah Fawcett was the picture of sweetness and sexuality, no matter how excellent she was in " The Burning Bed" or "Extremities". The image of her as an 'angel' with her hair blowing around her will always be her legacy, just as Marilyn Monroe with the white dress blowing up around her will always be the image I keep of her. Both are icons or 'enduring symbols' for me of female beauty and sexuality.
In terms of Michael Jackson, whose work coined the 'pop icon' phrase I would suggest, we also have an 'enduring symbol' not unlike Elvis Presley. Indeed the mourning here of my granddaughter reminds me of how I was at the time of Elvis Presley's death. We both felt that the music that had reached us and had such an impact on our lives had now gone on to eternity. For it was the body of work that is for us 'the enduring symbol' of musical entertainment. It is the songs and in the case of the latter, the videos as well, that we can listen to over and over again and enjoy and emote for the rest of our lives. Interestingly, no matter what the personal side of each was like, the lyrics of their music spoke of love and goodness.
So in case you've been caught up in the coverage of Michael's weirdness, perversion, drug use and financial cunning, just put on 'Thriller' and no matter how old you are, realize that you can appreciate the greatness of the music, lyrics and dancing of this truly iconic entertainer who will be considered in years to come, an 'enduring symbol' of the music world, just as Leonardo DaVinci is in the art world..and I know absolutely nothing about his personal life. I only know how I felt when I stood looking at the 'Mona Lisa' in Paris.
Regarding our 'leaders' on all levels, what impressed me the most this past week was an article written by Rudy Guiliani in the NY Times. In it he gives specifics about what he can see being done to reconstitute our state government. There are no platitudes in the article, but very ordered instructions as to how we can and should proceed to straighten out what is going on at the New York State Capitol as I write this. He, to me is a 'leader'. He speaks/writes with clarity and specifics. It shows me strengths in the midst of weakness. I really do not care about his personal life. I care about the fact that he very decisively was able to restore us during and after 911...this is his major achievement. These are the qualities I realize I must look for in voting for any 'leader' from Sheriff to President. I no longer am interested in who cheated on their wives the most, but on what they have done in their fields of endeavor to qualify them to 'lead' in any capacity. What have their 'achievements' been? Just to listen to the coverage of the Senators this week really makes me wonder about educational qualifications as well as IQ's. our leaders in the New York State Senate here sound like idiots!! Children sqabbling. I am no longer going to vote right down one side or another, but I am going to try to become very much more aware of the 'achievements' of candidates at every level of government.
I am not dismissing the fact that personal actions and behavior speak of character which is still an important consideration. But before we 'sit in judgement', let us remember the biblical reminder "he who is without sin, let him cast the first stone".
Thanks for reading and letting me speak my peace. I will look forward to your emails with your own various points of view. Maybe it will be fodder for next week's blog when I hope to have an interesting annoucement for you all (no I'm not pregnant!). Have a good week.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Saturday, June 20, 2009
Scary Diagnosis
This past week I went to see an orthopedic doctor to look at my 'backside' as I had slid down wet stairs the Friday before. I never saw soooo much purple covering my body! A young doctor in the practice had xrays taken and found something that upset him on my hip---so he had more pictures taken. He came back into the exam room to tell me that he was pretty sure it was metastatic breast cancer that had manifested in my hip. He did think he should show the xrays to his partner however, who told him he thought whatever it was, was benign...so this young fellow decided just to set me up with some scans before doing anything else. The MRI proved totally benign and just 'because' I am going for a bone scan this Monday. I now have new respect for aging physicians.
I write about this because it brought back memories of my initial breast cancer diagnosis and I thought I would share the thoughts that 'got me through' at that time, for anyone in receipt of this who is going through something equally scary or who has a relative going through something.
First upon learning of a cancer diagnosis it is important to tell yourself and others that this is not a 'death' sentence and that there is no way you are going to die. Once that thought is in your head, you can proceed to all sorts of decisions. What physician do you want; where do you want to be throughout treatment, and above all what hospital do you want to be at. My family want me to write a review for Zagat of all New York City hospitals since during my sixteen years there I spent time in every single one of them! However, most were for simple procedures (ie: rotator cuffs in each arm at two different hospitals). Bad memories with my beloved husband initially kept me from going to Memorial Sloan Kettering, but after a bad experience at NYU Med, I realized that when it comes to cancer---you cannot do better than Memorial Sloan Kettering. Indeed as it took quite awhile for the MRI results to become official this past week, I was reminded how unbelieveably well Sloan Kettering works. As soon as you become affiliated with them you are given an ID card (just like a credit card). Once in the computer, this card is used for every single visit to the hospital you might make. There is no waiting whatsoever for results of anything. If you have a scan set up for 10:00AM, you have an appointment at 10:20AM with the doctor who ordered the scan as he or she already has your results via the computer. The entire hospital is like a small city and they are on top of everything about you every single second.
Even in the best medical hands however, you still have more decisions. Will your treatment require you to have help to take care of yourself, or can you pretty much go through it on your own. BE AS INDEPENDENT AS YOU CAN BE FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN BE is the best advice I have for anyone. Somehow it keeps you from becoming dependent (I know---I actually lost 'myself' a bit as I had help from wonderful people, but for far too long). Equally important is to make the decision to stay in touch with those who care. Just their calls to you can make a big difference in your recovery. I am sure that my classmates from Albany High School who made calls to me definitely kept a smile on my face and sped up my recovery.
Most important however is to focus throughout on something you love. Sometimes a job keeps you so busy you don't have time to fret, however, often you do. I happen to love everything theatrical. In the past years this love has manifested in writing theatre rather than producing, directing or acting in it as I have done throughout my life. If any energy exists during treatment---use it. Garden, write, listen to music, do the reading you've not 'had time for', create things, or just enjoy the computer. While waiting for my results this week, I focused totally on working with my composer, Adam, who fortunately only had these particular days to work with me. I do not think there is anything that I enjoy doing more than putting my lyrics to music---so this week I was totally provided with the 'something' I love to do.
Finally--keep imagining yourself doing and being whatever you totally enjoy wherever that might be. I knew that if this turned out to be 'anything' this past week, I would take myself right back to Sloan. I therefore would be staying in NYC. I really love my life in Florida, and while I have some of the most beloved people in my life living in NYC, I only kept seeing myself living and thriving back in Florida. I guess it worked!
With it all--keep up a dialogue with the good Lord, and with all those watching out for you 'upstairs'. Nothing beats prayer.
Hope this is helpful--keep the emails coming to let me know-- and if you know anyone who needs an ear---I'm 'still' right here.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
I write about this because it brought back memories of my initial breast cancer diagnosis and I thought I would share the thoughts that 'got me through' at that time, for anyone in receipt of this who is going through something equally scary or who has a relative going through something.
First upon learning of a cancer diagnosis it is important to tell yourself and others that this is not a 'death' sentence and that there is no way you are going to die. Once that thought is in your head, you can proceed to all sorts of decisions. What physician do you want; where do you want to be throughout treatment, and above all what hospital do you want to be at. My family want me to write a review for Zagat of all New York City hospitals since during my sixteen years there I spent time in every single one of them! However, most were for simple procedures (ie: rotator cuffs in each arm at two different hospitals). Bad memories with my beloved husband initially kept me from going to Memorial Sloan Kettering, but after a bad experience at NYU Med, I realized that when it comes to cancer---you cannot do better than Memorial Sloan Kettering. Indeed as it took quite awhile for the MRI results to become official this past week, I was reminded how unbelieveably well Sloan Kettering works. As soon as you become affiliated with them you are given an ID card (just like a credit card). Once in the computer, this card is used for every single visit to the hospital you might make. There is no waiting whatsoever for results of anything. If you have a scan set up for 10:00AM, you have an appointment at 10:20AM with the doctor who ordered the scan as he or she already has your results via the computer. The entire hospital is like a small city and they are on top of everything about you every single second.
Even in the best medical hands however, you still have more decisions. Will your treatment require you to have help to take care of yourself, or can you pretty much go through it on your own. BE AS INDEPENDENT AS YOU CAN BE FOR AS LONG AS YOU CAN BE is the best advice I have for anyone. Somehow it keeps you from becoming dependent (I know---I actually lost 'myself' a bit as I had help from wonderful people, but for far too long). Equally important is to make the decision to stay in touch with those who care. Just their calls to you can make a big difference in your recovery. I am sure that my classmates from Albany High School who made calls to me definitely kept a smile on my face and sped up my recovery.
Most important however is to focus throughout on something you love. Sometimes a job keeps you so busy you don't have time to fret, however, often you do. I happen to love everything theatrical. In the past years this love has manifested in writing theatre rather than producing, directing or acting in it as I have done throughout my life. If any energy exists during treatment---use it. Garden, write, listen to music, do the reading you've not 'had time for', create things, or just enjoy the computer. While waiting for my results this week, I focused totally on working with my composer, Adam, who fortunately only had these particular days to work with me. I do not think there is anything that I enjoy doing more than putting my lyrics to music---so this week I was totally provided with the 'something' I love to do.
Finally--keep imagining yourself doing and being whatever you totally enjoy wherever that might be. I knew that if this turned out to be 'anything' this past week, I would take myself right back to Sloan. I therefore would be staying in NYC. I really love my life in Florida, and while I have some of the most beloved people in my life living in NYC, I only kept seeing myself living and thriving back in Florida. I guess it worked!
With it all--keep up a dialogue with the good Lord, and with all those watching out for you 'upstairs'. Nothing beats prayer.
Hope this is helpful--keep the emails coming to let me know-- and if you know anyone who needs an ear---I'm 'still' right here.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
Sunday, June 14, 2009
Dysfunction or Disappointed Expectations?
I used to joke that I'd like to do a group for 'functional' families, but didn't think there would be any family around left to participate. 'Dysfunctional' got to be the norm---whose family isn't? But what constitutes dysfunction? My understanding is that a person becomes dysfunctional when he or she is no longer able to 'function'-- specifically in a job or in a relationship. Something has become such an addiction (ie: alcohol) that one's job or one's all important relationship is in jeopardy. But addictions are not only alcohol, drugs, etc. An addiction can also be to what is known as 'disappointed expectations' or DA.
How often throughout a day are we 'let down'? Well if we suffer from an addiction to DA that can be pretty frequent. How many of us have almost died when it looks like our 'hard drive' may be collapsing. (I remember years ago taking the whole damn office I had in the dogs' cart to Staples where I had bought everything, in order to pray that they would save me--and they did.) Everyday we suffer DA when some one or other of our electronic devices let us down. But of course it's not just from our electronics that we suffer, but sometimes there are live people who 'let us down'. They have the nerve not to do what we EXPECT of them!!
As parents it is part of our MO to suffer from DA. And that addiction can also be the root for all future adults who suffer from DA. If a kid doesn't live up to a parent's 'expectations' no matter how large or how small, he or she is going to be 'screwed' up--we all know that. But do we also realize that if we're screwed up as parents, how can we 'expect' our kids to be sane? I mean if we whine--we have to realize that our kids are going to become a 'kvetch'. That's just the way things work.
The struggle in parenting as well as in a relationship is to constantly examine if our expectations are reasonable. Were we wrong to 'expect' that this marriage would be free of physical abuse?? Hello??? Is it asking too much to expect our kids to maybe make a bed? I dunno, I mean they do have a lot more homework today.
Do you think it is reasonable to 'expect' an hour of real work from an employee a day, or must we consider that she is having a real boyfriend problem and let her spend most of the time in her office on the phone? And how about our friends? Is it really worth it to expect them to never disappoint us? But is the disappointment reasonable? Maybe it is, and maybe it is just too great to continue the friendship. Or maybe it's an example of one of those 'let it go' situations we recently discussed where it is better to 'let it go' and lose the battle but win the war. Or maybe it is of such magnitude that we should actually go to war over it---I mean all those countries were once our 'friends' weren't they?
I guess what I'm saying is that it might be a good idea to continually examine our expectations before we become a DA addict and make that kind of contribution to the 'dysfunctional' world we are already a part of. Just a thought.
Hope you enjoyed the session. Today's topic was in response to a suggestion...if any of you have some for me---please do not hesitate to send them to me.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
How often throughout a day are we 'let down'? Well if we suffer from an addiction to DA that can be pretty frequent. How many of us have almost died when it looks like our 'hard drive' may be collapsing. (I remember years ago taking the whole damn office I had in the dogs' cart to Staples where I had bought everything, in order to pray that they would save me--and they did.) Everyday we suffer DA when some one or other of our electronic devices let us down. But of course it's not just from our electronics that we suffer, but sometimes there are live people who 'let us down'. They have the nerve not to do what we EXPECT of them!!
As parents it is part of our MO to suffer from DA. And that addiction can also be the root for all future adults who suffer from DA. If a kid doesn't live up to a parent's 'expectations' no matter how large or how small, he or she is going to be 'screwed' up--we all know that. But do we also realize that if we're screwed up as parents, how can we 'expect' our kids to be sane? I mean if we whine--we have to realize that our kids are going to become a 'kvetch'. That's just the way things work.
The struggle in parenting as well as in a relationship is to constantly examine if our expectations are reasonable. Were we wrong to 'expect' that this marriage would be free of physical abuse?? Hello??? Is it asking too much to expect our kids to maybe make a bed? I dunno, I mean they do have a lot more homework today.
Do you think it is reasonable to 'expect' an hour of real work from an employee a day, or must we consider that she is having a real boyfriend problem and let her spend most of the time in her office on the phone? And how about our friends? Is it really worth it to expect them to never disappoint us? But is the disappointment reasonable? Maybe it is, and maybe it is just too great to continue the friendship. Or maybe it's an example of one of those 'let it go' situations we recently discussed where it is better to 'let it go' and lose the battle but win the war. Or maybe it is of such magnitude that we should actually go to war over it---I mean all those countries were once our 'friends' weren't they?
I guess what I'm saying is that it might be a good idea to continually examine our expectations before we become a DA addict and make that kind of contribution to the 'dysfunctional' world we are already a part of. Just a thought.
Hope you enjoyed the session. Today's topic was in response to a suggestion...if any of you have some for me---please do not hesitate to send them to me.
Dr. Mimi Scott
518 674-8505
917 846-2449
visit me at: www.drmimiscott.com
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